A few quick yuks for the weekend

Yeah, I know, I haven't been updating this for a while. What can I say, other than things are pretty busy and I haven't had much to share?

But hey, here are a few quick-n-amusing tidbits for your weekend web-surfing pleasure:

• Is it me, or are Republicans getting even crazier than usual this week? I mean, first we had Representative Virgil Goode (yes) with his apocalyptic attempt to show how a non-binding resolution against the Iraq war could lead to Islamic extremists conquering the United States:

  The eyes of the world are upon this House and there will be commentary from the Middle East to the streets of small town America about what we do here over this four-day period even though this resolution does not carry the weight of law... In no way do I want to aid and assist the Islamic jihadists who want the crescent and star to wave over the Capitol of the United States and over the White House of this country. I fear that radical Muslims who want to control the Middle East and ultimately the world would love to see "In God We Trust" stricken from our money and replaced with "In Muhammad We Trust."

  Yeah, right, Virge -- if the US Congress passes a limp-wristed toothless finger-waggling commentary against Bush's Iraqi Fuckup, that'll be the first step that will have hordes of turban-wearing Muslims walking in lockstep formation down Pennsylvania Avenue.

  And it seems to me that the bad action movie imagery is just reeking with more cheese than a Kraft factory -- if you just change a few words, you could easily send Mr. Goode's tirade back twenty-some years and use it as a screed against the Evil Godless Soviet Empire or something. I imagine Mr. Goode must be borrowing his apocalyptic nightmare from the same Movie Cliché Bin that Dennis Praeger uses...

• But just as Mr. Goode was set to win this week's Excessively Stupid Republican award, Texas State Representative Warren Chisum comes from behind with a memo that insists he has irrefutable proof that... well, let him speak for himself...

  All of that can now be changed! Indisputable evidence -- long hidden but now available to everyone -- demonstrates conclusively that so-called "secular evolution science" is the Big-Bang 15-billion-year alternate "creation scenario" of the Pharisee Religion. This scenario is derived concept-for-concept from Rabbinic writings in the mystic "holy book" Kabbala dating back at least two millennia.

  Or, in sanity-speak, not only is evolution a big lie by the secular scientific community, it's actually part of a two-thousand-year old secret Jewish conspiracy. Or something.

  Actually, this is just the tip of Mr. Chisum's iceberg for Darwin's Titanic, as he goes on to argue that Copernicus wrong, as the Sun actually rotates around the Earth. Frankly, I'm surprised he didn't go for the three-fer and also argue that the Earth was flat and traveled through space on the backs of four elephants astride a giant turtle. Maybe he's saving that for next month...

• Finally, in a non-political vein, here's a real-life discussion I had with my wife last night:

  Wife: Hey, those new music CDs you bought from me are defective.
  Me: What's wrong?
  Wife: They won't play in my car's CD player.
  Me: Maybe it's a problem with copy-protection? Lemme check...

  (I go to the car. I test the CDs. They play fine.)

  Me: They work fine for me.
  Wife: Well, they didn't work for me. Let me try...

  (Wife goes to the car, then calls me out a minute later.)

  Wife: There, see! They don't work! I put a CD in there just now, and it won't play.
  Me: You're right, that's weird. Lemme check the disc...

  (I eject the disc.)

  Me: Oh, okay. I see the problem now.
  Wife: What's wrong? Are the discs defective?
  Me: No, dear, the discs are fine -- but they won't play if you put them in the player upside-down...

  

Have a good weekend, folks!

(Okay, that took longer than I expected...)