Proof: Gays make news funner!

Y'know, I'm now completely convinced that modern society needs homosexuals, if only because they provide all of us with an endless font of giggle-inducing stupidity... from the homophobic idiots out there who can't simply treat them like ordinary human beans.

Check out this litany of smirk-inducing merriment within the last 48 hours:

• What kind of person is George W. Bush's new Surgeon General nominee, James Holsinger? The kind'a guy who compares gay sex to ill-fitted plumbing:

  The anatomic and physiologic facts of alimentation and reproduction simply do not change based on any cultural setting. In fact, the logical complementarity of the human sexes has been so recognized in our culture that it has entered our vocabulary in the form of naming various pipe fittings either the male fitting or the female fitting depending upon which one interlocks within the other. When the complementarity of the sexes is breached, injuries and diseases may occur...

  Apparently, just saying "That don't fit there!" isn't sufficient to pad a thesis out to eight pages. Can't wait to see Mr. Holsinger's little essay show up in his confirmation hearings...

• How do you fish-slap a presidential candidate? Get him to reconcile his anti-gay-marriage position with his professed love of American freedoms:

  A New Hampshire woman, frustrated with Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's opposition to gay marriage, made a point Wednesday of telling him about her personal experience.

  "I am a gay woman and I have children... I wish you could explain to me more, why if we are sending our troops over to fight for liberty and justice for all throughout this country, why not for me? Why not for my family?"

  Romney paused, asked Fish about her children and then praised her.

  "Wonderful," Romney said. "I'm delighted that you have a family and you're happy with your family. That's the American way. ... People can live their lives as they choose and children can be a great source of joy, as you know. And I welcome that."

  But then Romney repeated his [anti-gay] view of marriage.

  

  Way to go, Mitt! Compliment Mrs. Fish for her family-raising skills, then slap her back down because she's not in a relationship with the correct pipe fittings.

• But let's not pick on Mitt Romney alone, as his fellow Republican Presidential hopefuls are just as skilled at placing their homophobia above national security. When asked in Wednesday's debate whether the firing of more than fifty gay Arab linguists should be reconsidered given Bush's Damn Fool War™, all of them reiterated that fighting Muslim extremists is of lower priority than keeping dem homos out of the Pentagon.
  

  And then they wonder why the number of Republican voters is reaching all-time lows...

• Finally, to end on a light note, the gay sailor who was discharged from the Navy, then subsequently called up again, and then subsequently discharged again... *huff* *puff* *huff* ...might be called up for duty yet again:

  Stars and Stripes, the military newspaper reports that Petty Officer 2nd Class Jason Knight's second round of discharge papers do not mention that he was fired for being gay -- the same omission that led to his being recalled last year.

  Instead, the discharge papers say "completion of required active service." His recall code is noted as RE-1, with a reserve obligation ending in April 2009.

  That means that Knight is being placed in the reserves and could be recalled at any time.

  "I can't do anything but laugh," Knight told Stars and Stripes in a telephone interview. "It's getting to the point of being ridiculous," he said.

See? Homophobia can be a laughing matter!