Rob's quickie spoiler-free "Transformers" mini-blurb

Well, I gave in to my inner fanboy today and caught an early-evening showing of Michael Bay's summer blockbuster opus, Transformers. Since it's pretty late as it is, here's a relatively quick spoiler-free blurb on the film.

If you're a summer blockbuster movie fan -- and I'm using the term in all of its big-screen-spectacle, popcorn-chewing plot-free lotsa explosions 'n fights context -- then Transformers is a solid 8.0 film. Despite the subtle pro-Army slant and the blatant (and I mean blatant) General Motors product placement, it's a fun film to kick back and lose yourself for two-and-a-half hours in. There's never a dull moment and lots of laughs, even if a lot of characters come off as cartoon caricatures.

If you're a Transformers fan -- and I'm using the term in all of its toy-collecting convention-attending comic-reading fanfic-writing skit-performing context -- then Transformers is a somewhat disappointing 6.0 movie. Sure, it's neat watching live-action robots stomp all over the scenery (even if I still think the new designs aren't worthy of holding a candle to the originals), but the Decepticons are mostly cannon fodder and the Autobots are played as bumbling comic relief. It's not as bad as Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich's travesty pretending to be Godzilla, but that's sorta damning with faint praise. When Optimus Prime -- Optimus freakin' Prime, leader of the Autobots -- is tripping over your neighborhood and deadpanning "my bad," it makes your inner fanboy die a little.

Finally, for the parents in the audience, I'll note that it's a fairly kid-friendly film. Aside from the numerous overwhelming action sequences (shot with a spastic camera, apparently a Michael Bay favorite), there's nothing here that IMO needs to be shielded from the tykes. There's a little sexual innuendo -- mostly of the *wink*wink*nudge*nudge* variety -- but only a handful of implied deaths (fast and bloodless), and no scorching profanity in earshot. The word "masturbation" is used once for a gag, but aside from that it should be safe for anyone nine or older. YMMV, of course.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'll give a detailed, spoiler-loaded dissertation on the film tomorrow...