John McCain's own personal firing squad

I haven't said much so far regarding the 2008 Presidential election primaries. This is not out of neglect, but simple cynicism; come November, we'll walk into the voting booth and have to choose between a bottle of either Democra-Cola or Repubi, with nary a 7-Up or Dr. Pepper in sight. And as we make our choices, that little sniggering voice in the back of our heads wonders if we'll get stuck with another disasterous New Coke instead.

While the Democratic primaries are still too close to call -- I'm rather surprised Barack Obama didn't win California, myself -- by all accounts the Republican Primaries are now a sure-fire win for Senator John McCain. Which is a disappointment for me, as I was hoping for Mike Huckabee to win it -- both for the fun of watching the 2008 election turn into a 50-state sweep for the Democratic candidate, and for the fun of watching the Republican powers-that-be do everything they could to stop their Frankestein monster ("We were supposed to keep the religious nuts on the fringe -- who gave them a candidate of their own?!").

That said, it's interesting to see the right-wing noise machine turn its collective guns on John McCain. The venom and vigor that the right-wing  nutjobs  pundits have used in their attacks on him have been almost Clinton-esque, from Rush Limbaugh's oversized screed against McCain, to Ann Coulter's vow to vote for Hillary Clinton instead, to the other flatulent bioviating from the usual idiots.

(But really, is an endorsement from Ann Coulter anything to be proud of? "Hillary Clinton: The choice of crazed conservative cross-dressing incubi everywhere" doesn't sound like bumper-sticker material to me... )

Anyway, I won't deny that the conservative attacks on John McCain caught me by surprise. It's not as if he's lacking in right-wing lunatic credentials, after all -- he's repeatedly vowed for endless wars if elected, endorses further cuts to government programs and social services, and has proven to be as batshit delusional in the fine traditions of Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush. On paper, at least, I'd have expected the Republican leadership to give ol' John a big bearhug while singing "One of us! One of us!" already -- instead of the circular firing squad they've got going.

My first theory for the McCain hatorade was that the conservative powerbrokers -- who are all invariably rich old white guys -- are spooked at the thought that a McCain Presidency would mean an end to the billionares' tax cuts they received from George W. Bush. While a plausible theory, it's also a bit of a stretch, as McCain has already dropped his opposition to those cuts in an attempt to appease them. And given that a President Obama or a President Clinton would probably repeal those cuts anyway, attacking McCain over this bogeyman seems odd.

My second theory was that the McCain-bashing is a feint by the right-wing conspiracy to make him more appealing to moderates and independents -- the old "conservative pundits hate McCain so he can't be a right-wing lunatic candidate" trick. But that also seems like a rather big stretch, as it requires a conspiracy of improbable proportions, and runs the risk of backfiring -- what if the right-wing loonies who actually listen to Limbaugh and Coulter follow their lead and avoid John? Would the gains from the moderates make up for the losses from the radical right? Maybe, maybe not...

I finally achieved enlightenment from this article, which provided the missing context I needed: that a McCain victory would be seen as a victory for (*gasp!*) moderates and a rejection of the extremist Reagan-Bush conservatism of the last 25 years:

McCain would be the first Republican nominee since Gerald Ford in 1976 to win despite opposition from organized conservatism, and also the first whose base in Republican primaries rested on the party's center and its dwindling left. McCain is winning despite conservatives, not because of them

...[Conservatives] know that in primary after primary, McCain's base has been formed by moderates, liberals, independents, supporters of abortion rights and critics of President Bush. Conservatives -- who mistrust McCain because of his history on taxes, immigration, global warming and campaign finance reform -- were not his coalition's driving force. And Republicans who describe themselves as "very conservative" have consistently rejected McCain.

...Significantly, many of the leading Republicans championing McCain have never been heroes to the right. Giuliani, a social moderate, quickly endorsed McCain after dropping out on Wednesday. Gov. Charlie Crist, who helped McCain in Florida, earned his popularity as a moderate and appeals to independents and even Democrats. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who backed McCain on Thursday, has veered far from conservatism and now works closely with Democrats in the California Legislature.

Not that any of this makes me feel any better about John McCain, but it does explain things. And it'll make the inevitable McCain swiftboating more fun to watch.

Needless to say, the trend that John McCain is getting attacked by Republican voters for not being  crazy  conservative enough has some parallels with Hillary Clinton getting attacked by Democratic voters for not being liberal enough. While the opposition to Hillary on the left isn't as loud as what John is getting from the right (at least, not yet), it does suggest that the two should join forces and run as a "Bill Clinton Republican" McCain-Clinton ticket.

But, more likely, we'll end up having to choose between one of those two come November, making for yet another "Tweedledum and Tweedledumber" choice...