The Sea and Little Fishes

Terry Pratchett

Quotes

Nanny's wild youth was an open book, although only available in plain covers.

Fools rush in, but they are laggards compared to little old ladies with nothing left to fear.

People said things like "we had to make our own amusements in those days" as if this signalled some kind of moral worth, and perhaps it did, but the last thing you wanted a witch to do was get bored and start making her own amusements, because witches sometimes had famously erratic ideas about what was amusing.

Mental confusion is bad enough in normal people, but much worse when the mind has an occult twist. You just had to hope it was only her underwear she was wearing on the outside.

Nanny did not have money and therefore was predisposed to dislike those who did.

"In other types of competition," said Letice, "one is normally only allowed to win for three years in a row and then one takes a back seat for a while."

"Yeah, but this is witching," said Nanny. "The rules is different."

"How so?"

"There ain't none."

It was the same in just about every trade. Sooner or later someone decided it needed organizing, and the one thing you could be sure of was that the organizers weren't going to be the people who, by general acknowledgement, were at the top of their craft.

Everyday herbs of sickroom and kitchen are known as simples. Granny's Herbs weren't simples. They were complicateds or they were nothing.

Even if someone was your worst enemy, you invited them in and gave them tea and biscuits. In fact, the worser your enemy, the better the crockery you got out and the higher the quality of the biscuits.

...Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it.

Letice: "Do you... ah... don't you think it is unfair to other people that you win every year?"
Granny Weatherwax: "No. I'm better'n them."
Letice: "...But they start off knowing they're not going to win."
Granny Weatherwax: "So do I."
Letice: "Oh, no, you surely--"
Granny Weatherwax: "I meant that I start off knowing they're not goin' to win too. And they ought to start off knowing I'm not going to win. No wonder they lose, if they ain't getting their minds right."

Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn't do good for people, she did right by them... Like old Pollirt the other day, when he fell off his horse. What he wanted was a painkiller. What he needed was the few seconds of agony as Granny popped the joint back into place.

Winning was a habit that was hard to break and brought you a dangerous status that was hard to defend. You'd walk uneasily through life, always on the lookout for the next girl with a better broomstick and a quicker hand on the frog.

"Stop shaking, man! She didn't actually threaten, did she?"

"She said 'blessings be upon this house'! Sounds pretty damn threatening to me!"

"It's not right! She's got no right to go around being cheerful at people!"

Today Nanny Ogg was taking some time out to tend her secret still in the woods. As a still it was the best-kept secret there could be, since everyone in the kingdom knew exactly where it was, and a secret kept by so many people must be very secret indeed. Even the king knew, and knew enough to pretend he didn't know, and that meant he didn't have to ask her for any taxes and she didn't have to refuse.

Poorchick: "And she cursed my cow!"
Nanny Ogg: "Really? What did she say?"
Poorchick: "She said, may she give a lot of milk! ...Well, it was the way she said it."
Nanny Ogg: "And what kind of way was that?"
Poorchick: "Nicely!"

Granny normally only smiled if something bad was happening to someone deserving.

[Nanny] rummaged in her memory for anyone in the locality sick enough to warrant a ministering visit but still well enough to survive the shock of a ministering visit by Granny Weatherwax.

"Maybe I could tell stories to the kiddies?"

Nanny nodded. Granny had done that once before, when the mood had briefly taken her. It had worked pretty well, as far as the children were concerned. They'd listened with open-mouthed attention and apparent enjoyment to a traditional old folk legend. The problem had come when they'd gone home afterwards and asked the meaning of words like "disembowelled".

Nanny Ogg: "You know you and sugar don't get along, Esme. Remember them all-day suckers you made?"
Granny Weatherwax: "They did last all day, Gytha."
Nanny Ogg: "Only 'cos our Pewsey couldn't get it out of his little mouth until we pulled two of his teeth, Esme."

At the centre of the spread of covered [cake] plates was a large platter piled high with ... things, of indefinite colour and shape. It looked as though a herd of small cows had eaten a lot of raisins and then been ill..

The Lancre Volunteer Band was trying to play a medley of popular tunes, and it was only a pity that each musician was playing a different one.

...nothing moves faster than news in the occult community since it doesn't just have to travel at ground level.

Not one of them [witches] lived in a house made of confectionery, although some of the conscientious younger ones had experimented with various crisp breads.

You needed a special kind of ear, because you saw people in circumstances where they were inclined to tell you things, like where the money is buried or who the father was or how come they'd got a black eye again. And you needed a special kind of mouth, the sort that stayed shut.

You could see the [hats] come together, cluster in animated conversation, and then open out again like a flower, and turn towards the distant blob of pinkness. Then a hat would leave that group and head off purposefully to another one, where the process would start all over again. It was a bit like watching very slow nuclear fission. There was a lot of excitement, and soon there would be an explosion.

"What's lucky about 'em?" [Nanny] said, picking up a horseshoe.

"Well, I get two dollars each for them," said Stronginthearm.

"And that makes them lucky?"

"Lucky for me," said Stronginthearm.

"Witches have been buying lucky horseshoes?" said Nanny.

"Like there's no tomorrow," said Zakzak. He frowned for a moment. They had been witches, after all. "Er... there will be... won't there?"

As for the witches themselves, they had that look worn by actors about two minutes from the end of a horror movie, when they know the monster is about to make its final leap and now it's only a matter of which door.

Witches generally tried to find the small point where a little changes made a lot of result. To make an avalanche you can either shake the mountain, or maybe you can just find exactly the right place to drop a snowflake.

Nanny Ogg: "I did start out in witchcraft to get boys, to tell you the truth."
Granny Weatherwax: "Think I don't know that?"
Nanny Ogg: "What did you start out to get, Esme?"
Granny Weatherwax: "Dunno. Even, I suppose."