Weird Science

Creationist spoof irks Board of Education member

The CIA considered no other spot on Earth to be as sensitive as Groom Lake, and the astronauts had just taken a picture of it.

By Brian Drake

Originally posted on the Straight Dope Message Board

What with all the talk about teaching "Intelligent Design" in the classroom, I thought I'd take a look at the whole concept, and I quickly concluded that if God, indeed, had created things the way the Bible says, then he's done some pretty shoddy work and has a lot to answer to.

People of Mars, you say we are brutes and savages. But let me tell you one thing: if I could get loose from this cage you have me in, I would tear you guys a new Martian asshole. You say we are violent and barbaric, but has any one of you come up to my cage and extended his hand? Because, if he did, I would jerk it off and eat it right in front of him. "Mmm, that's good Martian," I would say.

Young-earth creationist Kent Hovind has built a dinosaur-filled theme park in the Florida panhandle and claims to prove that evolution is bunk. A visit there shows that it is definitely a fantasy land.

Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, or Food?

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

One man's attempt to visit the elusive "Area 51".

A Really Lousy Trick for Really Lousy People

by Penn Jillette & Teller

Reprinted with permission

Contrary to what most history books say, the U.S. military did not drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima simply to end World War 2, but mainly to destroy Japan's secret weapons -- Godzilla and Rodan!

What would happen if two young Conjurors posing as psychics were introduced into a well-funded university parapsychology laboratory?

For the engineers among us who understand that the obvious is not always the solution, and that the facts, no matter how implausible, are still the facts, this is a weird but true story (with a moral).

Los Angeles' most provocative social critic has stretched, bent and broken more than a few facts in "Ecology of Fear," his latest, darkly themed work on the urban area he claims to love.

At 5 in the morning, an associate of mine took the time to compute the rough bandwidth consumed in the human ejaculation.