FADE IN:
CYBERTRON -- ORBITAL VIEW
Show the PLANET CYBERTRON floating in space. The sound of RUSHING AIR is
faintly heard in the background as we ZOOM IN on the surface.
CLOSER ON CYBERTRON
A metallic PURPLE BLIP races across the surface as the MUSIC ("Defender
2000," Imagitec/Atari Corp.) begins to build. As the drum beats begin,
ZOOM IN on the blip, which is resolved as TRANSMETAL RATTRAP in vehicle
mode.
TIGHT ON RATTRAP,
who is racing at full speed. An unseen crowd CHEERS and the music BUILDS
to a crescendo. As the music speeds up--
PAN AROUND
to over Rattrap's head, looking towards his front. In the DISTANCE is the
DARK OUTLINE of a city. Numerous towers STICK OUT from the planet's
surface, lit only by ERRATIC FIREBALLS AND EXPLOSIONS all around it. A
battle of some sort is being waged.
Hold the view for a beat, then--
ZOOM IN
on the city. In a series of QUICK CUTS, we see Transformers from ALL
ASPECTS fighting each other in a frantic FREE-FOR-ALL...
...Sideswipe in VEHICLE mode charges at Waspinator and Inferno,
scattering them with a near-miss collision...
...Dreadwing (ATB) dive-bombs at Blacker, Braver, and Laster, who DODGE
his attack, then COMBINE to form Road Caesar...
...Blurr, Kup, and Hot Rod race into view, transform to their ROBOT
forms, and SIMULTANEOUSLY fire at GIGASTORM, who shrugs off their
blasts...
...Star Saber swings his sword at Transmetal Rampage, who NARROWLY
dodges the attack and transforms to TANK mode...
...Transmetal Megatron (in robot mode) fires at RAIDEN, who split apart
to avoid his blast...
...Sky Lynx dodges a FIREBALL from Clench, then banks around and
launches a fireball of his own...
...Optimal Optimus and Jetfire FLY OVERHEAD, then transform to robot
modes and engage SCOURGE and the SWEEPS...
...Thundercracker and Skywarp STRAFE at Sonic Bomber...
...the Predacons combine into PREDAKING, who CHARGES forward to lock
swords with MAGNABOSS...
...Thrustol and Max B. CHARGE AT Super God Ginrai, grabbing his arms in
their jaws, but are QUICKLY thrown off...
...Omega Supreme FIRES his plasma cannon at Liocaesar, who BARELY
dodges the blast--
--the fireball FILLS the screen, knocking the camera high into the air.
After an instant, the view ROTATES to look down at the city towers. Their
tops have been LIT UP, and together they spell--
THE 1998
TTTTTTTTT RRRRRRRR AAAA NNN NNN NNN NNN III EEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSS
TTT RRR RRR AAAAAA NNNN NNN NNNN NNN III EEE SSS
TTT RRR RRRR AAAAAA NNNNN NNN NNNNN NNN III EEEEEEE SSSSSS
TTT RRR RRR AAA AAA NNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNN III EEE SSS
TTT RRR RRR AAA AAA NNN NNNN NNN NNNN III EEE SSS
TTT RRR RRR AAA AAAAAA NNN NNN NNN NNN III EEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSS
The World's One and Only Transformers Fan Awards!
HOLD
for several seconds as the music builds to a climax.
Then the screen BLINKS OUT.
PULL BACK
to reveal that the screen is HANGING OVER the stage of a large OUTDOOR
AMPITHEATER at NIGHT. Soft lights play on the stage, which is bare.
Standing on the edges of the stage are the various AUTOBOT and DECEPTICON
symbols (original, G2, and Beast Wars). The Autobots' symbols are to the
audience's left, and the Decepticons' are to the right.
After a moment,
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and TransFans
everywhere -- welcome to the 1998 Trannies!
APPLAUSE
as TRANSMETAL RATTRAP and DINOBOT walk out on stage in beast modes. As
they reach the center, they are joined by AIRAZOR, who glides down from
the night sky. All three transform and greet the audience.
RATTRAP: Thank you, thank you! Man, it's great to be back!
DINOBOT: Hrmph! I can't believe that you're here at all, after what
you did last year.
AIRAZOR: Me either. Why did Robert pick YOU to be his official
stand-in, of all people?
RATTRAP: Hey, the guy OBVIOUSLY wanted to spruce up the awards with
some charm and sophistication, and he's smart enough to see
that I'VE got 'em in spades.
DINOBOT: I hear it's so he can do the whole show in his pajamas.
RATTRAP: Yeah, sure, you go on believing that, chopper-face. Sheesh,
I see dyin' didn't do anything for yer jealous streak...
AIRAZOR: *Ahem* If you two don't mind, can we start the show?
DINOBOT: Very well... (mutters) insolent rodent...
----------------------------------------
RATTRAP: Welcome, everybody, to the 1998 Trannies! I, Rattrap, will
be your host for the evening, standing in fer Mister "missing
inaction" Robert Jung.
APPLAUSE.
RATTRAP: And here to deliver the keynote address fer tonight, my
"esteemed colleagues," Dino-butt and Airazor...
Dinobot GLARES at Rattrap, but says nothing. From hidden pockets, Airazor
and Dinobot produce sheets of paper, then begin to read--
DINOBOT: Hrrr... "This past year has been a very active one for the
Transformers fan community. Between the new toys, two Beast
Wars TV shows, a new movie, two Transformers conventions, and
the continued devotion of the fans, 1998 had enough to keep
everyone satisfied."
AIRAZOR: "Fifteen years ago, the Transformers first appeared to the
world. It's a testimony to their appeal that you fans remain
devoted to the toys and characters after all these years."
RATTRAP: Yeah, we're still hot!
DINOBOT: Silent! ..."But while we may be enthusiastic about different
aspects of the Transformers mythos, we must never forget that
we are all united in our fandom. No matter how much we might
like one set of toys or shows or comics or characters over
others, we all remain ONE community, united in the common
roots of our enthusiasm."
AIRAZOR: "This is what the Trannies celebrate -- the unity of the
Transformers fandom, and the overwhelming variety and
richness that comes from a mythology as deep and diverse as
ours."
DINOBOT: "Whether as fans of the classic Transformers or of Beast
Wars; as fans of the cartoons or the comics; or as fans of
the American, European, or Japanese stories ... in the end,
we remain ONE fandom."
AIRAZOR: "So let this be the day when all are one, and let us ALL
celebrate the fun and joy of Transformers!"
Dinobot and Airazor bow. The audience APPLAUDS.
RATTRAP: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't believe he used that cheesy "all are
one" line, though.
AIRAZOR: Well, you ARE the authority on cheese.
DINOBOT: And garbage.
RATTRAP: Aw, shaddap! Now it's my turn...
----------------------------------------
Rattrap produces a small PACKET of papers.
RATTRAP: Ahem! "Fer this year's Trannies, we received one HUNDRED AND
FIFTY-FOUR ballots--" Sheesh! "--a 25% increase over last
year's. The names of the voters are..."
HEY! I ain't gonna read all these! Put it on the screen.
The overhead screen LIGHTS UP as the voters' names begin to scroll:
Air_Raid (teletran3 at geocities.com)
AlexJ33106 (AlexJ33106 at aol.com)
Allan "Weapon X" Liangco (QSBA19A at prodigy.com)
Alvaro Carvajal (Alvaro at cantv.net)
Andrew Crane (Andrew at cybertron.prestel.co.uk)
Ari X (AriX at aol.com)
ArkNorth (stott at pil.net)
Astalis (astalis at epsi.net)
Astrotrain (ASTROTRAIN at prodigy.net)
AtomBomb (MangaFool at aol.com)
Beast Warrior RatBat (bwratbat at usa.net)
Beyowulf (Beyowulf at pipeline.com)
Black Zarak (Zarak at csolve.net)
Blue-Jackal (Anni at warriorprincess.demon.co.uk)
Bobbi Carothers (carother at psych.rochester.edu)
Brax Cardigan (cicero at students.uiuc.edu)
Brucee (brucee at powerup.com.au)
Cema (Celilian at aol.com)
Charles Calhoun (grimlock at vt.edu)
Chief (chief_120 at hotmail.com)
Choncho the Wise (chachie at erols.com)
Cicadacon (cicadacon at hotmail.com)
Corbett Owen (owenc at rocky.edu)
CostaLiving (CostaLiving at hotmail.com)
Crowmeus (Crowmeus at aol.com)
Dalmatian (Dal at Prairie.ca)
Darzonique (Darzonique at aol.com)
delserik@aol.com (delserik at aol.com)
Derek Haller (haller at erols.com)
Desert Moon (de_m_on at mail.geocities.com)
Divefire (divefire at btinternet.com)
Doug Kern (dkern2 at idt.net)
DreadWing (dreadwing at hotmail.com)
Duobam (eclipse_veng at hotmail.com)
Eliot Lefebvre (eltf at hotmail.com)
Ellen Brand (brandj at eznet.net)
Eric Lee Cline (elclin0 at pop.uky.edu)
Fathom (wolfden at cybermax.net)
FlameStrike (flamestrike at netzero.net)
Gekisou (gekisou at hotmail.com)
Goktimus Prime (goktimus at mailcity.com)
Gryph (mac at robyn.rhein-neckar.de)
Gyroscope (gyroscope_tf at hotmail.com)
HooksX (jhooksx at aol.com)
Hooper_X (EmarZero at aol.com)
HotRod2316 (HotRod2316 at aol.com)
Ian Pointer (pointei7 at cs.man.ac.uk)
J.L. (JLvatron at my-dejanews.com)
Jackpot (mattk at humongous.com)
James Moar (jwm1 at st-and.ac.uk)
Jawaad Mahmood (mahmood at total.net)
Joe Green (tvsgrady at aol.com)
Jon Wilkie (jwilkie at gapcdr.com)
Jones The Cat (FETT47 at rocketmail.com)
Joona I Palaste (palaste at cc.helsinki.fi)
Jordan Derber (jsdst5+ at pitt.edu)
Joshua E. Corum (josh_corum at hotmail.com)
Ka Faraq Gatri (kfgatri at voicenet.com)
Keith Palmer (krjpalme at sciborg.uwaterloo.ca)
Kevin J. Guhl (ironheart at earthlink.net)
King Vice (KidWicket at aol.com)
Krypto (krypto at clara.net)
Lars "Groundsplitter" Eriksson (groundsplitter at swipnet.se)
Laurie Edwards (endora60 at aol.com)
Lewis Smith (Shadophnix at aol.com)
Lia Brown (rook1 at golden.net)
Liquid Velcro! (liquidvelcro at hotmail.com)
Lt_Tarantulas (Lt_Tarantulas at Hotmail.com)
M Sipher (msipher at ibm.net)
Marco van Leeuwen (overlord at caiw.nl)
Marijose Diaz (mdartagnan at yahoo.com)
Mark Belonio (mark.belonio at cas.honeywell.com)
Martin Lund (mslu97 at musik.auc.dk)
Martin McVay (marei at csv.warwick.ac.uk)
Master Shrink (ALFett at aol.com)
Matt (CALHOBB95 at AOL.COM)
Megasomething (goola2u at aol.com)
Megatron Girl (goshou1 at provide.net)
Megatron33 (Megatron33 at aol.com)
Michael 'Boogy' Fromel (boogy at mail.syncdata.com)
Michael Kilborn "Kil" McCarthy (Wazzpin8or at aol.com)
Mike "Edwin" (Edwin at mc.net)
Mirage (0270988 at storm.bucks.edu)
Mischa Gelman (megst19+ at pitt.edu)
Nancy Ferree (nancyl6 at juno.com)
Neo J. Menasor (NeoMenasor at aol.com)
Nova (shailaigh at comnet.ca)
Patrick Brousseau (starscream82 at hotmail.com)
Patrick Crane (OverlordUK at AOL.com)
Patrick Wade (wadep at ocean.ucc.ie)
Paul Frawley (crawf9 at hotmail.com)
Perceptor (fosko at artelco.com)
PerceptorTFWW (goliej at rpi.edu)
Phil "SkyJammer" Zeman (pnzeman at inetcess.com)
Phillip Thorne (pethorne at earthlink.net)
Picard42 (mmr146 at psu.edu)
Playground Psychotic (tenorguitr at psnw.com)
Prowlhound (Prowlhound at axalon.globalnet.co.uk)
Pyre[Rock] (therock at rica.net)
Pyynk (pyynk at aol.com)
Quincy007 (Quincy007 at hotmail.com)
Raksha (jkink at postbox.acs.ohio-state.edu)
Recharge (owensg at blue-ridge.navy.mil)
Rick R. Mortis (rickr at one.net.au)
Robert Powers (repowers at shell.faradic.net)
Robowang (robowang at aol.com)
rodimus at mindspring.com (rodimus at mindspring.com)
Runabrat (battlecharge at xoommail.com)
Sandstorm (Icestorms at yahoo.com)
Scattershot (recoil-5 at juno.com)
Scott Kampa (kampa at iastate.edu)
Sharon "Tut" LaBorde (SAL004 at beta.latech.edu)
Shaun1 (lord_galvatron at geocities.com)
Shaun3 (vgojester at aol.com)
Shawn Martin (rodimus at nac.net)
Sideswipe (esposito at iaw.com)
Skyflight (beavis at cris.com)
SkyHammer (valex37 at ix.netcom.com)
Skywarp-Nova (Skywarp214 at yahoo.com)
Soundwave9 (Soundwave9 at aol.com)
Spectra (deb_ballantyne at ezpost.com)
Springer (majc at eagle.ptialaska.net)
Srini Varanasi (svaranas at ic.sunysb.edu)
Stanley "Marauder" Lui (marauder2 at usa.net)
StarRuby (starruby at cgocable.net)
Steve Stonebraker (srstoneb at bu.edu)
Suzanne M. Ferree (suz at cyberspace.org)
Syke (strafe at dallas.crosswinds.net)
Teletran 1 (autobot at rocketmail.com)
Tengu (tengu at mindspring.com)
The Critic (the_critic at writeme.com)
The Dude (jbstarnes1 at yahoo.com)
The Masked Bastich (mbastich at hotmail.com)
The Robot Train (therobottrain at yahoo.com)
Thylacine 2000 (greenb at fas.harvard.edu)
Tim Roll-Pickering (tr3 at ukc.ac.uk)
Tony Li (PrimeSaber at hotmail.com)
Tonyfitz (tonyfitz at mindspring.com)
Track Attack (trackattack at my-dejanews.com)
Ty Stalnaker (TyGator at aol.com)
Velociripper (lzamste at mailhost.tcs.tulane.edu)
Vulcana (pawright at eyrie.org)
Walky (Walkertron at geocities.com)
White Cat (white_cat at usa.net)
Windchaser (windycon at hem2.passagen.se)
Windstorm (chrysaetos at hotmail.com)
Winterblast (sara at netcom.ca)
Wonko the Sane (hippocron at bwtf.com)
Xiphos (xiphos at rahul.net)
Xtreme (audioxtreme at hotmail.com)
Yakko2564 (yakko2564 at aol.com)
ZetaCron (yowie at iniaccess.net.au)
Zhadnost Grimwolf (elute at island.net)
Zobovor (Zobovor at aol.com)
The screen BLINKS OFF.
RATTRAP: Yeesh, that's a lotta ballots.
AIRAZOR: Just be glad you weren't the one counting them.
RATTRAP: I give thanks every night, sister.
----------------------------------------
RATTRAP: Anyway, "Fer those who didn't know, this year's Trannies also
featured a new idea, 'Disallowed' votes. For some awards,
popular winners of previous Trannies were 'disallowed' to
give other candidates a chance." And if ya ask me, it was a
stoopid idea.
DINOBOT: Nobody ASKED you, rodent.
AIRAZOR: I thought it was a nice change of pace; it made things less
predictable and more interesting.
RATTRAP: Mebbe, but I think Rob put in that rule just 'cause he got
paid off by Wheelie.
DINOBOT: (incredulous) Why do you say THAT?
RATTRAP: Ya mean you don't know? From what I hear, after last year's
Trannies, a bunch of fans got so whipped up with anti-Wheelie
sentiment that they found the schmuck and VANDALIZED him!
AIRAZOR: No way!
RATTRAP: Yep! When they were done with him, the guy was painted in
day-glo lime, tires stripped, up on cinder blocks, and
babblin' like a Furby. Listen ta me, follow the money...
DINOBOT: Robert would NEVER sell out so easily.
RATTRAP: (sighs) Naive as ever, ain'cha?
----------------------------------------
RATTRAP: Now where was I? Oh, yeah -- "As with previous Trannies, the
voters included hundreds of insightful and hilarious comments
with their ballots. Most of the best ones will be featured
tonight, but there just wasn't room to include them all."
DINOBOT: (solemn) Some of the comments were very ... touching.
AIRAZOR: Not to mention LONG. Did you see the essay by Zobovor on why
Brawn is dead?
RATTRAP: Ohhhhhhhhh yeah. How about that ArkNorth guy? He wrote an
entire fanfic just fer the "Tag-Team Teamup" award, AND
rewrote the ending after Rob asked him about it!
AIRAZOR: Or how about Joona Palaste, who put his own awards show
INSIDE the Trannies?
RATTRAP: I bet Rhinox ten bucks that nobody could top Eliot Lefebvre's
"free-for-all" answer, and I was winnin' until Joona's came
in. Sheesh!
DINOBOT: No WONDER this show runs so long.
AIRAZOR: I think most of those have been edited down.
RATTRAP: Yeah, well, if people wanna share their answers with the
world, let 'em post their ballots or somethin'. *I* think
it's time Rob started sticking limits on answer sizes...
----------------------------------------
AIRAZOR: Are we finished?
RATTRAP: Just one more page ta go, sister. (flip) "And finally, my
deepest thanks to Rattrap for being my stand-in tonight."
DINOBOT: ...inconceivable.
RATTRAP: (smirking) Some bots are just poor losers ... "For those who
wondered why I chose Rattrap, the answer is simple -- this
lets him tell the world what he really is: a garbage-eating
plague-infested piece of--" HEY!
Dinobot grabs Rattrap and CLAMPS one hand around his mouth.
AIRAZOR: Whoops!
DINOBOT: Come along, "Mister Personality!"
Dinobot tries to DRAG Rattrap off-stage, as Rattrap STRUGGLES in his grip.
AIRAZOR: Good night, everyone!
RATTRAP: --lemme go, ya overgrown iguana! When I get my hands on--
[Cut to commercials]
==========================================================================
PART I: CHARACTERS
Overhead, a violet and silver DELTA-WING jet and a blue HOVERCRAFT fly
over the arena with WHISPER-SILENT engines. They CIRCLE the audience
several times before transforming to robots and landing in the center of
the stage. The violet robot wears an exotic TWO-PRONGED helmet, while the
blue robot sports a curving pair of "WINGS" on his back.
CYCLONUS: Greetings, humans. I am Cyclonus of the Decepticons.
SCOURGE: And I am Scourge, leader of the Sweeps!
CYCLONUS: We are here tonight to announce the winners for the
character-based Trannie awards.
SCOURGE: Actually, Rob asked if Galvatron was available, but we
figured it'd be better if we showed up instead.
CYCLONUS: Yes ... Lord Galvatron has been a little bit, um,
"tempermental" lately--
SCOURGE: LATELY???
CYCLONUS: --and we decided that it would be best for everyone involved
if he were to stay at the base.
SCOURGE: Yeah -- it's kinda impolite to blow up the stage in the
first ten minutes...
CYCLONUS: You DO have someone watching Lord Galvatron, don't you?
SCOURGE: Oh, sure. I've got Sweep #5 pretending to be me. He's
going to spend the night playing "Rise of the Robots" with
him and letting him win.
CYCLONUS: "Rise of the Robots" (winces) ... an unpleasant fate.
SCOURGE: (shrugs) Well, #5 needed punishment anyway.
CYCLONUS: Ah. Shall we begin?
SCOURGE: Sure!
*** Absolutely the Most Favorite Character of All Time
1 Airazor
1 Blackarachnia
1 Blaster
1 Bludgeon
1 Brawn
1 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
1 Dreadwing/Smokescreen (G2 ATB)
1 Frenzy
1 Highbrow
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Ironhide (orig.)
1 Kup
1 Nightbird
1 Overlord
1 Perceptor
1 Ratchet
1 Sandstorm
1 Sideswipe
1 Sixshot
1 Skywarp
1 Smokescreen (orig.)
1 Strafe
1 Swindle
1 Tigatron
1 Ultra Magnus
1 Victory Leo (from the "Victory" series)
1 Wreck-Gar
2 Astrotrain
2 Beachcomber
2 Death's Head (from the UK comics)
2 Depth Charge
2 Fortress Maximus
2 Mirage
2 Shockwave
3 Bumblebee
3 Cyclonus
3 Jazz
3 Megatron (BW)
3 Prowl (orig.)
3 Rampage (BW)
3 Springer
3 Tarantulas
4 Dinobot
4 Galvatron (orig.)
4 Jetfire/Skyfire
4 Nightbeat
4 Soundwave
4 Wheeljack
5 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
5 Rattrap
5 Waspinator
7 Grimlock
8 Megatron (orig.)
12 Starscream
18 Optimus Prime
Optimus Prime. He may be stereotypical and ridiculously flawless, but
come on -- it's Optimus Prime! :)
--PerceptorTFWW
Megatron is my favorite character. I liked him ever since I saw him in
the series when it first came out. I love his colour and his fusion
cannon is great. I love the way he uses his weapon. Target practice on
Star Scream is one of his hobbies. ;)
--StarRuby
Grimlock, the way Furman wrote him.
--Steve Stonebraker
I am so tempted to say Daniel just because no one else would, BUT I'm
going to have to go with Hot Rod.
--The Dude
Nightbird. A female Decepticon ninja that beats up a whole squad of
Autobots just HAS to rule.
--Skyflight
Rattrap, hands down! Who DOESN'T love a giant wise-cracking rodent
demolitions expert?
--Ellen Brand
Only ONE!? o.O Only....*ONE*!? erm...I...uh...*sigh* There's too many.
I can't decide on just one.
--ZetaCron
CYCLONUS: Ah, Optimus Prime. Hardly a surprise.
SCOURGE: Like you were expecting anyone else? Though it's nice to
see Starscream pull a close second. He's certainly a worthy
Decepticon, and having him get his due recognition is-- eh?
Why're you staring at me?
CYCLONUS: I was just checking if you were being possessed again...
SCOURGE: Knock it off!
----------------------------------------
*** Favorite Character(s), any Faction(s)
1 Air Hammer
1 Apeface
1 Barrage
1 B'Boom
1 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
1 Birdbrain
1 Black Zarak (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Blades
1 Bomb-burst
1 Bombshell
1 Bonecrusher (orig.)
1 Brainstorm
1 Breakdown
1 Bristleback
1 Browning (from the "Victory" series)
1 Camshaft
1 Catilla
1 Chainclaw
1 Circuit Breaker
1 Clench/Colossus
1 Cosmos
1 Crankcase
1 Defensor
1 Elita-1
1 Fireflight
1 Firestar (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Flywheels
1 Frenzy
1 Gears
1 Getaway
1 Goryu (from the "Victory" series)
1 Grotusque
1 Hardhead
1 Headstrong
1 Highbrow
1 Hook
1 Hooligan
1 Hubcap
1 Huffer
1 Icepick
1 Impactor (from the UK comics)
1 Inferno (orig.)
1 Kakuryu (from the "Victory" series)
1 Liege Maximo
1 Lightspeed
1 Lioconvoy (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Liokaiser (from the "Victory" series)
1 Lord Straxus
1 Majin Zarak (from "Beast Wars Second")
1 Mega Zarak (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Menasor
1 Micromaster Construction Patrol
1 Motormaster
1 Packrat (BotCon '97 exclusive)
1 Pointblank
1 Pounce
1 Primus
1 Rampage (orig.)
1 Razorbeast
1 Razorclaw (BW)
1 Reflector
1 Retrax
1 Rewind
1 Runabout
1 Runamuck
1 Sandstorm
1 Scavenger (orig.)
1 Scorponok (BW)
1 Scowl
1 Scuba (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Seaspray
1 Silverbolt (orig.)
1 Siren
1 Sky Lynx
1 Slog
1 Smokescreen (G2 ATB jet)
1 Space Case
1 Spike Witwicky
1 Squawktalk
1 Starscream (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Strafe
1 Superion
1 Sureshot
1 Tantrum
1 Transmutate (from "Transmutate")
1 Tripledacus (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Victory Saber (from the "Victory" series)
1 Wildfly
1 Windrazor
1 Wingspan
1 Wolfang
2 Arcee
2 Blast-Off
2 Blurr
2 Brawl
2 Bruticus
2 Death's Head (from the UK comics)
2 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
2 Devastator
2 Doubledealer
2 Dreadwing/Smokescreen (G2 ATB, also known as "Ace Evader")
2 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Hellbat (from the "Victory" series)
2 Lord Jhiaxus
2 Kup
2 Mindwipe
2 Minerva (from the "Masterforce" series)
2 Mixmaster
2 Nightbird
2 Octane
2 Omega Supreme
2 Overlord (from the "Masterforce" series)
2 Polar Claw
2 Powerglide
2 Predaking
2 Scattershot
2 Slag
2 Star Saber (from the "Victory" series)
2 Tailgate
2 Terrorsaur
2 Trailbreaker
2 Victory Leo (from the "Victory" series)
2 Vortex
2 Warpath
2 Wheelie
2 Windcharger
3 Air Raid
3 Blitzwing
3 Bluestreak
3 Dead End
3 Deathsaurus/Deszarus (from the "Victory" series)
3 Divebomb
3 Long Haul
3 Lord Zarak
3 Onslaught
3 Punch/Counterpunch
3 Ravage
3 Razorclaw (orig.)
3 Scourge
3 Scrapper
3 Skids
3 Sky Shadow
3 Smokescreen (orig.)
3 Snarl
3 Sunstreaker
3 Wreck-Gar
4 Airazor
4 Beachcomber
4 Brawn
4 God Ginrai/Super God Ginrai (from the "Masterforce" series)
4 Scorponok (orig.)
4 Sludge
4 Thunderwing
4 Tracks
5 Fortress Maximus
5 Hound
5 Mirage
5 Swoop
5 Unicron
6 Blaster
6 Ironhide (orig.)
6 Perceptor
6 Sixshot
6 Springer
7 Cheetor
7 Rumble
7 Tigatron
7 Ultra Magnus
8 Bludgeon
8 Jetfire/Skyfire
8 Thundercracker
9 Nightbeat
9 Ratchet
9 Sideswipe
10 Skywarp (orig.)
11 Optimus Primal/Optimal Optimus
11 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
11 Swindle
12 Depth Charge
13 Blackarachnia
13 Wheeljack
14 Bumblebee
14 Prowl (orig.)
15 Cyclonus
15 Inferno (BW)
16 Rhinox
17 Shockwave
17 Tarantulas
19 Jazz
23 Galvatron (orig.)
27 Rampage (BW)
29 Grimlock
30 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
32 Megatron (BW)
33 Dinobot
33 Waspinator
36 Rattrap
42 Soundwave
44 Megatron (orig.)
50 Starscream (orig.)
51 Optimus Prime
Bad guys, take yer pick.
--Fathom
Kup, Swindle, Rumble, Goryu, Kakuryu, Hellbat, Deathsaurus. To list any
more would mean going on and on and on...
--Lia Brown
Somehow I just don't see Wheelie or Daniel sweeping this catagory.
--Vulcana
Jazz, Optimus Prime, Waspinator, Megatron, Soundwave, Waspinator, Ginrai,
Starscream, Waspinator, Rhinox, and did I mention Waspinator?
--Ka Faraq Gatri
The Club-Waving Early Anthropoid
--Patrick Brousseau
If you ask me, a "reasonable number" is at least 20, but who's counting...
--Zobovor
[*I* am, that's the whole point! B-]
CYCLONUS: Optimus Prime again.
SCOURGE: Yeah, but Starscream's even closer this time! It's amazing
that he lost by just one measly-- STOP STARING AT ME!
----------------------------------------
*** Favorite Autobot/Maximal/Good Robot(tm)
[DISALLOWED: Optimus Prime]
1 Airazor
1 Bluestreak
1 Convoy (from "Fight! Super Robot Life Force Transformers!")
1 God Ginrai (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Grotusque
1 Hubcap
1 Impactor (TF UK comic)
1 Kup
1 Perceptor
1 Quickswitch
1 Repugnus
1 Sandstorm
1 Slag
1 Smokescreen (orig.)
1 Spike Witwicky
1 Star Saber (from the "Victory" series)
1 Tote
1 Victory Leo (from the "Victory" series)
1 Victory Saber (from the "Victory" series)
1 Wheelie
2 Beachcomber
2 Blaster
2 Brawn
2 Cheetor
2 Powerglide
2 Tigatron
3 Bumblebee
3 Fortress Maximus
3 Ironhide (orig.)
3 Ratchet
3 Silverbolt (Beast Wars Fuzor)
3 Wheeljack
4 Jetfire/Skyfire
4 Mirage
4 Optimus Primal/Optimal Optimus
4 Ultra Magnus
5 Prowl (orig.)
5 Rhinox
5 Springer
6 Depth Charge
6 Nightbeat
9 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
9 Jazz
12 Rattrap
13 Grimlock
14 Dinobot
Beast Wars Dinobot, unquestionably the most tragic, noble, transformer
character created thus far
--Beast Warrior RatBat
Jetfire. Oooh, now there's a toughie. Face it, he should've gotten the
Matrix in TFTM. ;>
--Eliot Lefebvre
Rattrap. He uses his sassy sass against those sassless Predacons. He also
has a nifty Wal-Mart repaint that no others can brag about.
--Dalmatian
Ultra Magnus (I don't care if he's the Big Suck Loser, he's still my
fav! :D)
--Shaun1
Awww... don't feel like dealing with obscene landslides? :)
--Velociripper
Depth Charge. Why? Because he's cool. :) He has that Batman-esque
personality that I love so much. Cool, calm, tough, powerful...
:::manly grunts:::
--Matt
Wheeljack -- he had those cool blinking fins on his head.
--Phillip Thorne
No Optimus Prime? Fine, Convoy from the original series! (Gotcha!)
--Gekisou
SCOURGE: Well, at least Optimus Prime doesn't get this one.
CYCLONUS: Actually, I'm wondering if Dinobot won because he's a
popular character, or if he got the sympathy vote.
SCOURGE: Good point ... dying does make a character pretty popular.
CYCLONUS: Yes, well, you are an authority of sorts...
SCOURGE: HEY!
----------------------------------------
*** Favorite Decepticon/Predacon/Bad Robot(tm)
1 Astrotrain
1 Bombshell
1 Deathsaurus/Deszarus
1 Divebomb
1 Dreadwing/Smokescreen (G2 ATB)
1 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Lord Straxus
1 Overlord (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Scorponok (BW)
1 Sixknight (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Sky Shadow
2 Blackarachnia
2 Bludgeon
2 Ravage
2 Rumble
2 Scorponok (orig.)
2 Swindle
3 Inferno (BW)
3 Sixshot
4 Cyclonus
4 Skywarp (orig.)
4 Tarantulas
5 Shockwave
10 Soundwave
10 Waspinator
11 Galvatron (orig.)
12 Rampage (BW)
15 Megatron (BW)
19 Megatron (orig.)
27 Starscream
Starscream. Close tie with Blackarachnia, but solid treachery beats out
sex appeal any day of the week.
--Eliot Lefebvre
Deszaras, because he is one vicious villain. ;)
--Tony Li
BW Megatron again, cuz he's just so bad, but he feels so good. *blink*
Er, or something.
--Corbett Owen
I'm upset that Megatron's not disallowed here!!! But since he's not, I'll
vote him in so he can be in the Hall of Fame for next year.
--Sharon "Tut" LaBorde
Wazzzpinator rulezzz! (I wonder how many people will have that exact same
answer?)
--Ari X
[Um, one?]
The nastiest, coolest villain TF has got to be Bludgeon.
--Steve Stonebraker
Cyclonus. Those pointy things on his head are ultra cool.
--Springer
SCOURGE: Eh, I still say that helmet makes you look like the Pope.
CYCLONUS: You're not jealous, are you?
SCOURGE: Who, ME? Why would I be jealous of someone who looks like
he's wearing an inflated weenie fork on his head?
CYCLONUS: Hrrrrr...
----------------------------------------
*** Favorite Gestalt/Combiner Team
1 Seacon hordes (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Trainbots/Raiden (from the "Masterforce" series)
2 Terrorcons/Abominus
3 Dinoforce/Dinoking (from the "Victory" series)
3 Magnaboss
3 Pretender Monsters/Monstructor
3 Tripledacus/Jointron Brothers (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
5 Seacons/Piranacon (orig.)
6 Breastforce/Liokaiser (from the "Victory" series)
6 Protectobots/Defensor
6 Tripredacus
11 Aerialbots/Superion
12 Stunticons/Menasor
15 Technobots/Computron
23 Combaticons/Bruticus
24 Predacons/Predaking
25 Constructicons/Devastator
Constructicons - Because they were the first.
--Ian Pointer
The Terrorcons! What other combiner team boasts a member that's named
"Butt" in another country?
--Walky
Tripredacus Council - I just can't stop saying that name! "Tripredacus
Council." It just rolls off the tongue! But it NEEDS the "Council" part.
--Jackpot
I play the Technobot Commander Scattershot on a pair of MU**'s, but I've
always liked the Combaticons. Firstly, they have the coolest gestalt
name, Bruticus. When I hear the name Bruticus, I know I'm about to get my
can kicked. When I hear the name Computron, I'm thinking of some nerdy
kid from High School with a pocket protector and a breifcase at all times.
--Scattershot
Stunticons/Menasor. If coolness were cheese, these guys would be drowning
in bowling-alley nachos.
--Joe Green
Tripledecus, yeah, the BW2 Mariachi band. That's some dang funny stuff
there. Giant urinating cicadas with maracas.
--Hooper_X
The Dinobots do combine. You just have to hit them hard enough...
--James Moar
SCOURGE: Ohhhhhhhh, a close one for Predaking.
CYCLONUS: There's always next year.
SCOURGE: And at least we shut out those sissy Autobots from the top
three!
CYCLONUS: Simple pleasures, eh, Scourge?
----------------------------------------
*** Favorite Subteam/Group
[DISALLOWED: Dinobots]
1 Autobot cassette tapes
1 Autobot clones
1 Autobot Pretender Classics
1 Axalon Crew
1 Classic Pretenders
1 Cyberjets
1 Cyber-raptors (from "Cutting Edge")
1 Deluxe Insecticons
1 Female Autobots
1 Firecons
1 Gobots
1 Jumpstarters
1 Minispies
1 Off-Road Patrol
1 Pretenders
1 Quintessons
1 Skywarp and Thundercracker
1 Terrorsaur and Waspinator
1 Triggercons
2 Autobot Headmasters
2 Cassettes
2 Laser Rods
2 Micromasters
2 Omnibots (S.T.A.R.S. mail-in exclusives)
2 Targetmasters
2 Transmetals
3 Fuzors
3 Original (first-year) Autobot cars
3 Powermasters/Godmasters
3 Sweeps
3 Wreckers (from the UK comics)
5 Battlechargers
5 Decepticon Triple Changers
5 Junkions
5 Monsterbots
6 Triple Changers
8 Throttlebots
9 Headmasters
11 Decepticon cassette tapes
15 Seekers/Decepticon jets
25 Insecticons
You really got me there. Probably the Insecticons then... Those little
Doofs... Hey, you know how they keep dying and coming back in the movie?
Do you think they could be related to Waspinator?
--Rick R. Mortis
BW Cyber-raptors. Run, Lucy, run!
--Thylacine 2000
Curse you! Feel the wrath of the Dinobots! Feel the pain!!!!
--Stanley Lui
Battlechargers "Hmm hmm, yeah, hmm hmm, cool!" "Shut up, butt munch!"
--The Masked Bastich
WHO ARE WE!? OMNIBOTS! WHAT ARE WE!? RADICAL STEEL ON WHEELS!! ONE! TWO!
THREE! BREAK! (From "The Secret of Ultra Magnus" -- 'Nuff said!)
--ArkNorth
AAAGH! No Dinobots!!! Ummmm..... Throt..tle...bots???
--King Vice
The Dinob-- D'OH! Um... But all the other groups *suck*! That's no
fair....
--Walky
SCOURGE: Hey! What's wrong with the Sweeps?
CYCLONUS: You did get three vo--
SCOURGE: THREE?! What kind of insult is that? We lost to the
Throttlebots, even! How can we command any fear and respect
with THAT on our record? "Ooh, it's Scourge and the Sweeps,
better get some unarmed Throttlebots to run over them!"
"The Throttlebots are having lunch, but we've got a few
Junkions here -- they can recite some commercials and chase
off the Sweeps, hooray!"
CYCLONUS: You are taking this WAY too personally...
----------------------------------------
*** Favorite Non-Toy Character
[DISALLOWED: Unicron]
1 Arbulus (from "Transformers: The Movie")
1 Blue, green, and yellow Decepticon fliers (from "Divide and Conquer")
1 Cassette probe (from "A Prime Problem")
1 Chip Chase
1 Chromia (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Cybertronian Decepticon jets
1 Donny Finkleberg/Robot Master
1 Firestar
1 Impactor (from the UK comics)
1 Orion Pax (from "War Dawn")
1 Primus
1 Super Megatron (from the "Battlestars" series)
2 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
2 Carley Witwicky
2 Vector Sigma
3 Emirate Xaaron
3 Neanderthal leader (from "Code of Hero" and "Cutting Edge")
3 Scrounge
4 Spike Witwicky
5 Nightbird
6 Circuit Breaker
6 Death's Head (from the UK comics)
6 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
6 Transmutate (from "Transmutate")
7 Alpha Trion
7 Elita-1
7 Lord Straxus
8 Quintessons
12 Ravage (Beast Wars version)
17 Arcee
22 Lord Jhiaxus
Jhiaxus, revitalizer of the Decepticon system. With cool pointy wings, no
less.
--Playground Psychotic
Ugh Witwicky from "Code of Hero" and "Cutting Edge." He had such deep
characterization, a great emotional conflict, and a really big stick with
a rock on it. Kick-ass.
--HooksX
Donny Finkelberg, because you need all the TFs to have a common enemy! :)
--Tonyfitz
Tarantulus's flashlight bugs. :) Imagine having a flashlight with legs...
--CostaLiving
BW Ravage. He's be even cooler if he was introduced in the 80's where
Russian accents had the usefulness of being evil. :)
--Dalmatian
I'll probably draw fire for this, but -- Spike Witwicky!
--Ellen Brand
That Decepticon who got scrapped when going through the space bridge (UK
comics)
--Goktimus Prime
Alpha Trion - now here's a character that someone could make multiple toys
out of! Young A-3, Dr. Alpha, old crotchety Alpha Trion, etc...
--ArkNorth
The Quintessons. Any Quintesson. A Quintesson named "Skip." I don't
care, just put me down for Quintessons.
--Tengu
CYCLONUS: Feeling better?
SCOURGE: Yeah ... sorry about that.
CYCLONUS: It's all right.
SCOURGE: Heh. "Skip the Quintesson." Heh. I LIKE that.
CYCLONUS: I like the comment about Jhiaxus' "pointy wings," myself.
SCOURGE: Don't get your hopes up -- pointy wings are cool, but pointy
helmets aren't.
----------------------------------------
*** Character You Most Want to Be Friends With
1 B.B. (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Blaster
1 Blitzwing
1 Bludgeon
1 Bluestreak
1 Blurr
1 Brawn
1 Browning (from the "Victory" series)
1 Cosmos
1 Death's Head (from the UK comics)
1 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Giga (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Grimlock
1 Iguanus (orig.)
1 Ironhide
1 Megatron (BW)
1 Octane
1 Omega Supreme
1 Optimal Optimus
1 Powerglide
1 Punch/Counterpunch
1 Rampage
1 Razorclaw (orig.)
1 Rewind
1 Roller (Optimus Prime component)
1 Scorponok (orig.)
1 Scrapper
1 Shockwave
1 Sideswipe
1 Silverbolt (orig.)
1 Sixshot
1 Skids
1 Skywarp
1 Smokescreen
1 Spike Witwicky
1 Springer
1 Starscream
1 Thundercracker
1 Trypticon
1 Wheelie
2 Airazor
2 Beachcomber
2 Cheetor
2 Inferno (BW)
2 Kup
2 Nightbeat
2 Prowl (orig.)
2 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
2 Swindle
2 Swoop
2 Tracks
2 Trailbreaker
2 Wheeljack
3 Dinobot
3 Galvatron (orig.)
3 Hound
3 Megatron (orig.)
4 Jetfire/Skyfire
5 Optimus Prime
5 Soundwave
6 Rhinox
7 Waspinator
8 Bumblebee
9 Jazz
9 Rattrap
11 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
Rodimus Prime. When you're friends with the guy who carries the most
powerful object in the universe, you tend to go places. :)
--Sideswipe
Wheelie, so I'd look really cool by comparison.
--Yakko2564
Erm... What an odd question... Ironhide or Rhinox... Hey wait! You weren't
very specific. Can I change my vote to He-Man? ;P
--ZetaCron
BB. "BB, get me a beer." Rajaa. "BB, go bitch-slap that arrogant jock
over there." Rajaa. "You've got a way with words, BB." Rajaa.
--Jordan Derber
[And from the "Friends don't kill friends ... do they?" crowd:]
Galvatron. Being on his bad side sucks.
--Fathom
Death's Head. It'd be better than being his enemy, for dang sure!
--Hooper_X
Inferno, so he wouldn't kill me. :)
--White Cat
Rhinox. This guy could make my computer a billion times more powerful,
than this pathetic Earth technology, and maybe he'd once in awhile lemme
borrow his chain gun.
--Master Shrink
Wheeljack-- No wait, he'd probably accidently kill me. Grimlock, then. :)
--Gyroscop
I was going to say Rattrap, but it just hit me -- Waspinator. The guy
could use a friend, quite frankly....
--Phil "SkyJammer" Zeman
Red Alert as Monica ... Skydive as Ross ... Elita One as Rachel ...
Trailbreaker as Chandler ... Bluestreak as Phoebe ... Air Raid as Joey ...
hang on, did I misunderstand the question? And who gets to be the ugly
naked guy?
--Runabrat
SCOURGE: "Ugly naked guy"? I don't get it.
CYCLONUS: Me neither.
SCOURGE: Humans. Go fig.
----------------------------------------
*** Character You Most Want to Be Lovers(!) With
1 Charlene (from Transformers #20)
1 Circuit Breaker
1 Deathsaurus/Deszarus (from the "Victory" series)
1 Dinobot
1 Elita-1
1 Ethel Stankiewicz
1 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
1 Ironhide (orig.)
1 Jetfire/Skyfire
1 Llyra (from the Headmasters comics)
1 Mega (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Megatron (BW)
1 Megatron (orig.)
1 Prowl
1 Rattrap
1 Ravage (BW version)
1 Sideswipe
1 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
1 Springer
1 Teletran One
1 Unicron
1 Victory Leo (from the "Victory" series)
2 Astoria Carlton-Ritz (from "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide")
2 Cyclonus
2 Dr. Biggles-Jones
2 Rapture (of the Neo-Knights)
2 Starscream
5 Minerva (from the "Masterforce" series)
7 Arcee
9 Airazor
9 Carley Witwicky
25 Blackarachnia
Um ... er ... Blackarachnia. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!?!
I'll probably never answer this one, Rob. Better luck next year.
Well, you *know* that nobody can ever beat Megatron for sex appeal. So,
taking my lead from your concept of "disallowed answers" because the
answer is too obvious, I'm kind-of disqualifying that response for myself
this time, and will say, for this year, BW2 Galvatron. Absolutely to die
for. Why don't I ever meet a male like that IRL?
[Have you considered the personals?]
Dear god, anyone who answers this one is sick, sick, sick.
The girl gagged with tape in B.O.T.... Chicks who dig bondage rule.
Hrm, that would have to be Black Arachnia. Which unfortunlty make me BW
Silverbolt, great, now I have to kill myself, excuse me. There again I do
get to hit Cheetor, twice.
Feh...who thinks these questions up?
[The Committee to Dream Up Wildly Entertaining and Wacky Questions for the
Trannies, a.k.a. TCtDUWEaWQftT, of course.]
Abbey Chase - oh wait, wrong survey...
How did this become a category? I'm not to going to vote on this one, but
I'm willing to bet that Wheelie gets the most (or close to), just as a
joke. If that happens, would he be disallowed next year? Now that would
be funny.
Wouldn't *anyone* pick the Headmasters, for obvious reasons?
Uh ... uh ... yikes ... UNICRON ... he's cool. I bet he's got some female
parts on him somewhere ... I hope ... ick...
Oh, like I don't have enough problems in real life, you want me to try to
pick a fictional character? Geez, what would Freud say about this?
(Probably something about how imagining my mother as a giant transforming
robot means that I think of her as always changing and I feel helpless
against her, but let's not go there. Oh, slag, I just did....)
All the female TFs. I want 'em all, ALL!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Black Arachnia! There are two very big reasons that I want to be lovers
with her.... *Growl!*
[She's got HUGE ... egg sacs?]
What what WHAT?!
I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole.
*proceeds to smack Rob over the head with an eleven-foot pole* :)
[Ouch!]
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Deathsaurus. You simply can't
beat that colour scheme, overall impressive size (I didn't mean *that*,
pervs---he's just an imposing guy), and that wicked, wicked grin. Oh, and
the laugh. And the big gun (okay, that I meant).
Oh, ick.
Rapture. I'm certain her mental powers could produce some interesting...
fantasies...
No way, forget that.
Oh ... don't tell any of my fellow Cons ... Sideswipe! He's so hot!
Prrrrowrrr!
Oh come on! This is truly sad. I mean, this is the sort of thing that I
get extremely sick of when reading through transfics! The repetitive plot
of an extremely-stroppy cyber-femme writing herself into a SI romance with
the nearest hunky male Decepticon. And, just to prove that I'm not sexist,
I'm sure there's plenty of you guys out there too. It's sad. No, it's
worse than sad ... It's sickening. Airazor.
Uh, I'll pretend I didn't read this question.
BLACKARACHNIA'S THE ONE FOR ME!!!
Okay, now that's pushing it. Friends, okay, but lovers?! Okay,
maybe ... Arcee. And Black Arachnia. At the same time, I'd let them warm
each other up first before ripping off their.... sorry, don't know what
came over me then, I'll just go for a lie down. ;)
Jetfire -- have my children!
Teletran One. Don't ask why, but I've got my reasons ... MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Guys, c'mon, they're robots ok? Uhmm, guys?
[And from the ever-popular pile of "Naked Lust" entries:]
Blackarachnia. Just look at those huge, gropable, teasing ... child-
bearing hips.
--Scattershot
Eh ... Carly? She looked pretty good (Or was that someone else?). BTW, you
can keep my name "on the record". I don't mind saying whether or not
someone is animated well ... even though many others might :).
--AlexJ33106
Ironhide. He's sincere, generous, kind (when he wants to) and, just like
me, speaks with an accent! Besides, I've always liked older men ;) (BTW,
no problem about including my name. I revealed my identity last year
anyway...)
--Marijose Diaz
Jennifer Love Hewitt. Is she eligible? She could be a Pretender... (I'd
prefer NOT to be kept anonymous.) ;)
--Soundwave9
Arcee looks nice, but she's a robot. It would never work out. Ethel
Stankiewicz [Carissa Carr, from Transformers #45]. Do not keep my
identity anonymous. I can handle it like a man. Tee hee.
--Joona I Palaste
Starscream, he has the sexiest voice. >;)
--Sharon "Tut" LaBorde
Astoria, aka The Girl Who Loved Powerglide. Sure, she had an attitude, but
she was pretty hot. Gotta love that part where she rips off a piece of
her dress to mend Powerglide's wounded arm! Don't keep me anonymous, I'm
proud of my lust!!! (Cleaning drool off face).
--Srini Varanasi
I refuse to be anonymous! Cicadacon would most definately make love to
Black Arachnia! I'd have to beat up Silverbolt first, though.
--Cicadacon
Any given fanfic Mary Sue character who's basically one of the original
characters after a sex change. Springette, Rodania, Jazzy... one of 'em
dames. ... Pick someone yourself. Someone embarassing. And put my name on
it, too.
--Playground Psychotic
[Nominees, anyone?]
SCOURGE: I think I was just insulted again.
CYCLONUS: Don't take it personally. After all, do you REALLY want to
become involved with some pathetic human?
SCOURGE: Well, I suppose not. But still...
CYCLONUS: *Sigh*
----------------------------------------
*** Character You Most Want to Be
1 Airazor
1 Bluestreak
1 Brainstorm
1 Buzz Saw (BW)
1 Cheetor
1 Countdown
1 Cyclonus
1 Deathsaurus/Deszarus (from the "Victory" series)
1 Depth Charge
1 Doubledealer
1 Firestar (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 First Aid
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Getaway
1 Ginrai (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Go Shooter/Gou Shuuta (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Goryu (from the "Victory" series)
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Jazz
1 Kup
1 Leozak (from the "Victory" series)
1 Mindwipe
1 Nightbeat
1 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
1 Omega Supreme
1 Peacemaker (Targetmaster partner to Pointblank)
1 Perceptor
1 Powerglide
1 Primus
1 Quickswitch
1 Quintesson
1 Ramjet
1 Rampage (orig.)
1 Ratchet
1 Silverbolt (Magnaboss component)
1 Smokescreen (orig.)
1 Spike witwicky
1 Super God Ginrai (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Thundercracker
1 Thunderwing
1 Tigatron
1 Tracks
1 Trypticon
1 Victory Saber (from the "Victory" series)
2 Bumblebee
2 Megatron (orig.)
2 Overlord (from the "Masterforce" series)
2 Prowl (orig.)
2 Rattrap
2 Shockwave
2 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
2 Springer
2 Starscream
2 Swindle
2 Unicron
3 Arcee
3 Blackarachnia
3 Grimlock
3 Megatron (BW)
3 Optimus Primal/Optimal Optimus
3 Skywarp
3 Soundwave
3 Wheeljack
4 Dinobot
4 Jetfire/Skyfire
4 Rhinox
4 Tarantulas
5 Galvatron (orig.)
5 Rampage (BW)
5 Sideswipe
6 Optimus Prime
9 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
Rodimus Prime. The Chosen One, me. :)
--Scott Kampa
Galvatron. Being insane and powerful is fun. Runner up: BW Silverbolt,
since he appears to be the only Transformer currently gettin' some...
--Jordan Derber
Starscream - Go ahead. Just try to kill me. I dare you.
--Jackpot
Tarantulas. There can be advantages to being a total mad scientist. For
one thing I'd get a cool evil laugh.
--Master Shrink
[And from the "Whaddayamean, 'want'?" department:]
Be? I am Springer! (Note to self: Take prozac..)
--Divefire
*Want* to be? I *am* Overlord!
--Marco van Leeuwen
I am Rodimus Prime, what part of that don't u understand?
--Shawn Martin
Rob Powertron, who comes with twenty ultra-powerful Really Big Guns, and
is super smart and can kill Megatron with one shot to the shoulder, and
all the others look up to him and worship him and are all his friend. Not
that I don't have friends in real life, and have to project myself onto
fantasy worlds in order to validate myself. I don't. Really. Stop
throwing rotten vegetables at me. Oh, wait, you meant *Hasbro* characters.
Never mind.
--Robert Powers
Anybody but Wheelie.
--Mirage
Any character with a toy that sells, so I wouldn't be subjected to cruel
comments by TransFans worldwide.
--Tengu
SCOURGE: I wonder why more people wanted to be Rodimus than Optimus?
CYCLONUS: That is not too difficult to understand. After all, Rodimus
represents the best of both worlds -- the power and respect
of being the Autobot leader, and the exuberance and carefree
attitude of Hot Rod.
SCOURGE: But he transforms into a WINNEBAGO! How LAME is that?
----------------------------------------
*** Most Annoying Character
[DISALLOWED: Wheelie]
1 Airazor
1 Arcee
1 Beachcomber
1 Blackarachnia
1 Bombshell
1 Browning (from the "Victory" series)
1 Cerebros
1 Chip Chase
1 Circuit Breaker
1 Depth Charge
1 Devastator
1 Galvatron (orig.)
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Insecticon
1 Kakuryu (from the "Victory" series)
1 Kup
1 Megatron (orig.)
1 Mindwipe
1 Moon (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
1 Optimus Prime
1 Rampage (BW)
1 Ratbat
1 Red Alert
1 Shockwave
1 Tarantulas
1 Tigatron
1 Tonbot (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Tracks
1 Warpath
2 Astoria Carlton-Ritz (from "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide")
2 Cyclonus
2 Deceptitran (from "Sea Change")
2 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
2 Ironhide (orig.)
2 Quickstrike
2 Ravage
2 Sunstreaker
3 Huffer
3 Megatron (BW)
3 Rattrap
3 Spike Witwicky
3 Ultra Magnus
3 Waspinator
4 Scorponok (BW)
4 Terrorsaur
4 Wreck-Gar
5 Blurr
5 Bumblebee
6 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
6 Starscream
14 Cheetor
29 Daniel Witwicky
The great advantage of being unable to vote for Wheelie is that
transfandom might finally realize how disgusting Daniel is.
--Marijose Diaz
Daniel... He will die!
--Shawn Martin
I think we could all do without Beast Wars' Rampage. He's just a big
twink. :>
--Windstorm
Wheelie? Ha! No match for the QUEEN OF ANNOYANCE: Astoria from "The Girl
Who Loved Powerglide!"
--Joona I Palaste
Cheetor. Anyone you can describe himself -- in all seriousness -- as the
"Golden Rocket" needs a mercy killing.
--Brax Cardigan
Cheetor. He's not a kid ... and maybe he's not so nice either.
--Mark Belonio
Whee.. er I mean Devastator (why do 6 geniuses combine into one big
dummy?)
--Recharge
How about the Quintesson bailiff that got squashed under the door by Slag
in TFTM, does he count? :)
--Velociripper
Wheelie did not get on my nerves. Hmph. Bumblebee, as always. Did he
have any good qualities? Why exactly did they keep making the twerp the
star of the show?
--Mischa Gelman
The rhyming little piece of.... Hey, I didn't say Wheelie!
--Gryph
CYCLONUS: You know, Robert should have seen THIS coming...
SCOURGE: Maybe he did! Heh heh heh heh heh!
----------------------------------------
*** Character You Most Want To Lobotomize With a Runaway Arc Wielder
[DISALLOWED: Wheelie]
1 Airazor
1 Astoria Carlton-Ritz (from "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide")
1 Beachcomber
1 Bombshell
1 Brawn
1 Chip Chase
1 Cyclonus
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Jazz
1 Jesse (from the original comics)
1 Kup
1 Optimus Primal
1 Powerglide
1 Prowl (orig.)
1 Rattrap
1 Reflector
1 Rumble
1 Shockwave
1 Singing aliens (from "Carnage in C Minor")
1 Slingshot
1 Soundwave
1 Sparkplug Witwicky
1 Unicron
2 Bumblebee
2 Grimlock
2 Huffer
2 Ironhide
2 Megatron (orig.)
2 Optimus Prime
2 Rampage (BW)
2 Red Alert
2 Scorponok (BW)
2 Sky Lynx
2 The Mechanic
2 Tigatron
2 Warpath
2 Wreck-Gar
3 Megatron (BW)
3 Spike Witwicky
3 Tarantulas
3 Terrorsaur
3 Ultra Magnus
4 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
4 Waspinator
5 Quickstrike
6 Starscream (orig.)
7 Galvatron (orig.)
8 Blurr
9 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
12 Cheetor
16 Daniel Witwicky
C'mere Danno -- [CLONK] Do I need a reason?
--Bobbi Carothers
Why the slag would I wanna lobotomize anyone with an Arc Wielder? I'd
rather dig Cheetor's spark out with an energon spoon
--DreadWing
I'm going with Leonardo DiCraprio again, Rob. I can't build up that much
bile against imaginary beings when the REAL ones are still breathing...
--M Sipher
I can't believe you disallowed Wheelie...too many votes?
--Nova
[Um, YEAH...]
Sky Lynx. (I *would* have picked Wheelie for this one... it's really
interesting how fast he manages to annoy even the most innocent spectator.
And here I though you guys were making a lot of fuss for = nothing...)
--CostaLiving
Wheelie Anyway!!
--Sandstorm
Everyone who thinks "Code of Hero" is a such a great episode. ; ) Oh wait,
_character_. Never mind then. ; )
(And thus begins the Official Anti-Code Of Hero Trannies Ballot(tm),
brought to you by the founder, and lone member as I just founded it a
minute ago, of the Code Of Hero Was Just OK, It Was By No Means _Great_
Brigade(tm). The OACOHTB(tm) is not to be taken personally, or even
seriously. The COHWOKIWBNMGB(tm) means no offense to "Code of Hero" fans,
who are entitled to their opinions, perplexing as they may be to its
members.)
--Michael McCarthy
Rumble. Rumble. Rumble. Many, many times.
--rodimus@mindspring.com
Post movie Galvatron. Yeah, yeah, you got dumped in a plasma bath and it
fried your circuits. Who cares! Somebody hustle this guy offstage and get
the Decepticons a REAL leader.
--Pyynk
SCOURGE: Heh heh heh heh heh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA!
CYCLONUS: *Chuckle* It IS ... rather fitting.
SCOURGE: Fitting? FITTING??? It was COMPLETELY ACCURATE! "Someone
hustle this guy offstage and get a REAL leader" -- YEAH!
Oh, I *love* that!
CYCLONUS: Just be glad Galvatron didn't hear you--
Scourge suddenly TENSES UP and looks to the skies ominously. After a few
seconds, he slowly RELAXES.
SCOURGE: *Whew*
CYCLONUS: Oh, come on. THAT joke would've been too obvious.
----------------------------------------
*** Best Character Name
1 Antagony (BotCon '98 exclusive)
1 Bludgeon
1 Bluestreak
1 Brainstorm
1 Cloudraker
1 Computron
1 Counterpunch (of Punch/Counterpunch)
1 Drill Nuts
1 Erector
1 Fractyl (BotCon '97 exclusive)
1 Frenzy
1 Galvatron
1 Grotusque
1 Hellbat
1 Hellscream (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Hook
1 Jazz
1 Joe (Micromaster)
1 King Poseidon (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Lord Jhiaxus
1 Magmatron (from the "Beast Wars Neo" series)
1 Majin Zarak (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Nightbeat
1 Octopunch
1 Onslaught
1 Polar Claw
1 Rattrap
1 Ravage
1 Scavenger
1 Scissorboy (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Sideswipe
1 Sinnertwin
1 Skullcruncher
1 Sky Shadow
1 Skyfire
1 Slag
1 Space Case
1 Strafe
1 Stunticons
1 Super God Ginrai (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Tarantulas
1 Terrorsaur
1 Time Warrior
1 Tripredacus
1 Unicron
1 Victory Leo (from the "Victory" series)
1 Victory Saber (from the "Victory" series)
1 Violenjiger (from "Zone")
1 Waspinator
1 Wheelie
1 Wreck-Gar
2 Blitzwing
2 Blurr
2 Cyclonus
2 Dreadwind
2 Hot Rod
2 Inferno
2 Mirage
2 Optimus Primal
2 Retrax
2 Spinister
2 Ultra Magnus
3 Blackarachnia
3 Deathsaurus/Deszarus (from the "Victory" series)
3 Devastator
3 Grimlock
3 Rodimus Prime
3 Silverbolt
3 Soundwave
4 Megatron
4 Rampage
4 Shockwave
5 Depth Charge
5 Skywarp
6 Omega Supreme
7 Fortress Maximus
7 Optimus Prime
8 Starscream
Starscream & BB (Yeah yeah, I know they're two separate characters, but
they're almost exclusively referenced in BW II as a team, and the "& BB"
makes Starscream's name so much more fun..)
--Beast Warrior RatBat
Depthcharge. To the point, and reeking bad-ass.
--Springer
Blackarachnia. She has one of the really excelent names in Beast Wars.
Too bad Takara totally ruined the delicious pun by calling her Black
Widow.
--Doug Kern
Cyclonus. One of the few names that jumped out at me from the toy
checklist, in response to which I said "*That's* a great name - great
enough that I bet the character is great too." And just imagine, I was
right.....
--Raksha
Feh. The best name ever never made it... "Instigator" would have been
GREAT.
--M Sipher
Fortress Maximus. Now that name defines power. Too bad he was a wussy
pants in the comic.
--Sideswipe
Grimlock. The name alone makes him sound like a badass, but I'm still
trying to figure out if it actually means anything. A "grim lock" doesn't
seem to make much sense. :>
--Corbett Owen
Tarantulas, mostly because of the way he says it.
--White Cat
SCOURGE: I've always wondered about that.
CYCLONUS: Wondered about what?
SCOURGE: The other names mostly make sense; "Optimus Prime" is "the
best," "Omega Supreme" is "the supreme ending," "Fortress
Maximus" suggests a big fort, and so on. But what the zark
is "Starscream" supposed to mean?
CYCLONUS: Hmmm ... Michael Jackson?
Scourge glances at Cyclonus ASKEW for a moment.
SCOURGE: Look, just leave the jokes to me, okay?
----------------------------------------
*** Worst Character Name
1 Ariel (from "War Dawn")
1 Armordillo
1 B.B. (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Battletrap
1 Beta (from "Forever is a Long time Coming")
1 Blackarachnia
1 Blast Off
1 Blowout
1 Blowpipe (Targetmaster partner to Triggerhappy)
1 Bonecrusher
1 Bumblebee
1 Catilla
1 Cybershark
1 Dirge
1 Dogfight
1 Dreadwing
1 Gaihawk (from the "Victory" series)
1 Greaser
1 Grotusque
1 Hardhead
1 Hot House
1 Hot Rod
1 Huffer
1 Insecticon
1 K-9
1 Liojunior (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Lord Straxus
1 Magnaboss
1 Misfire
1 Nightbeat
1 Noctorro
1 Omega Spreem
1 Punch (of Punch/Counterpunch)
1 Quickswitch
1 Rad
1 Randy (from the "Beast Wars Neo" series)
1 Retrax
1 Rhinox
1 Scavenger
1 Scissorboy (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Shockwave
1 Slag
1 Sludge
1 Sparkplug Witwicky
1 Tarantulas
1 Tigatron
1 Wheeljack
1 Wreck-Gar
2 Apeface
2 Banzai-Tron
2 Blot
2 Hosehead
2 Injector
2 Joe (Micromaster)
2 Kup
2 Megatron
2 Ramulus
2 Rodimus Prime
2 Terrorsaur
3 Big Daddy
3 Dinobot
4 Gobots
5 Drill Nuts (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
5 Optimus Primal
5 Vroom
6 Optimus Minor
7 Optimal Optimus
7 Wheelie
14 Cheetor
18 Windbreaker
Windbreaker (...just....says it all)
--Nova
Cheetor. I mean, who thought that one up? At leat Winbreaker showed some
imagination.
--Runabrat
"Optimus Minor." I could have a field day with Drillnuts (and I'm sure a
lot of others will), but Optimus "Minor"? Give me a slaggin' break,
people. Just because he's got a beast form similar to Primal doesn't mean
you have to give him a similar name. At least it was changed from
"Optimus Jr." -- the idea of having a "Jr." in TF-mythos is just totally
preposterous to me.
--Phil "SkyJammer" Zeman
I think the prize goes to Drill Nuts. The name just screams what pain
truly is.
--Scott Kampa
There are some pretty bad ones out there, but since I have to choose
something, I would say anything with the name "Optimus" in it. It's been
so overused in so many ways I'm sick of hearing it!
--Astrotrain
Joe - Let me say this ROBOT'S name again. Joe.
--Liquid Velcro!
Magnaboss and Tripredicus, take your pick, they both suck.
--Fathom
Oh god. I'm gonna summon the LameForce here... Joe the Micromaster, Big
Daddy the Micromaster, Scarem, Windbreaker, Devil Z, Grandus, and Cheetor
are all here to fight to the death to see who has the lamest name... Oh my
god! No! They've all been killed by Greaser, Big Daddy's fellow Hot Rod
Patrol fiend! I guess Greaser has the worst name, Rob.
--Hooper_X
Cybershark. Cybershark, meet your leader, Mechagorilla, and his nemesis,
Robotyrannosaurus.
--Playground Psychotic
CYCLONUS: "Cybershark."
SCOURGE: "Mechagorilla."
CYCLONUS: "Robotyrannosaurus."
SCOURGE: "Power-rat."
CYCLONUS: "Hypercrab."
SCOURGE: "Super Spider."
CYCLONUS: "Galactirhino."
SCOURGE: "Megabee."
CYCLONUS: ...Jameel's going to get you for that.
----------------------------------------
*** The Chilled Lubricant Award, for the most ruthless Transformers
character
1 Black Zarak (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Blackarachnia
1 Blades
1 Blitzwing
1 Cyclonus
1 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
1 Devil Z (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Grimlock
1 Optimus Prime
1 Scourge
1 Scrapper
1 Skyquake
1 Soundwave
1 Thunderwing
1 Ultra Magnus
1 Victory Leo (from the "Victory" series)
1 Wheelie
2 Death's Head (from the UK comics)
2 Inferno (BW)
2 Quintessons
2 Ravage (BW)
3 Bludgeon
3 Deathsaurus/Deszarus (from the "Victory" series)
3 Depth Charge
3 Lord Straxus
3 Motormaster
3 Unicron
4 Tarantulas
7 Starscream (orig.)
8 Lord Jhiaxus
8 Shockwave
12 Rampage (BW)
15 Galvatron (orig.)
24 Megatron (orig.)
30 Megatron (BW)
Beast Wars Megatron. His troops: Pawns. His enemies: Pawns.
--Darzonique
Oh ... after studying his behaviour in the comic ... Lord Straxus. No
respect for friends nor foes. Sent the former to their deaths in futile
experiments and the latter were dumped into the smelting pool. And he also
had his little agenda going in the UK comic, and then he was only a head!!
--Windchaser
Deszaras. I don't think even Megs or Galvy ever surpassed destroying
several cities with multi headed missiles in the space of two minutes.
--Blue-Jackal
Jhiaxus, who killed more fleshies before breakfast than every incarnation
of Megatron combined. Was he cleaning up Earth to harvest energy? Nope,
just wanted Prime's attention.
--Pyynk
Depth Charge - He'll probably hunt Rampage to a Hanson concert!
...then again...
--Neo J. Menasor
Galvatron in season three. Makes guns in shop class.
--Choncho the Wise
Tarantulas. He's the baddie I'd be most afraid to be around, under any
circumstances. All of the others you could figure out some way to survive
around. But Tarantulas ... just WOULD NOT CARE who you were or what you
did or did not do. He would do horrible things to you anyway. And laugh
before, during, and afterwards.
--Thylacine 2000
Starscream. Man, was this guy ever COLD. And let's face it, it takes guts
to go behind the back of a guy like Megatron.
--Joe Green
CYCLONUS: If you had the chance, would you follow that "Beast Wars"
Megatron character?
SCOURGE: Hmmmmm ... why not? It sounds almost like what we've got
now, actually.
CYCLONUS: How so?
SCOURGE: "Galvatron. His troops: targets. His enemies: targets."
----------------------------------------
*** The Righteous Thunder Award, for the Transformers character with the
most devastating/intimidating/interesting/cool weapon or ability
[DISALLOWED: Unicron]
1 Black Shadow's (from the "Victory" series) ruthlessness
1 Black Zarak's (from the "Masterforce" series) Devil Thunder power
1 Blackarachnia's large bust
1 Blackarachnia's/Tarantulas' machine-gun legs
1 Dinobot's eye lasers
1 Elita-1's time-stopping
1 Fortress Maximus' double Headmaster
1 Fortress Maximus' enormous size
1 Galvatron's strength
1 God Ginrai's (from the "Masterforce" series) fireball attack
1 Hound's holograms
1 Ironhide's liquid-spraying arms
1 Liokaiser's (from the "Victory" series) invisibility
1 Majin Zarak (BW2) and the Zeota Apocalypse
1 Megatron's (G2) anti-matter fusion cannon
1 Megatron's (G2) rail gun
1 Megatron's (Transmetal) tail cannon
1 Mirage's voice
1 Nightbird's (from "Enter the Nightbird") lightsaber/katana
1 Nightbird's (from "Enter the Nightbird") ninja skills
1 Omega Supreme's plasma blaster
1 Optimus Primal's (Transmetal) cannon rack
1 Optimus Prime and the Autobot Matrix
1 Optimus Prime's trailer cannon
1 Predaking's electrical force field
1 Predaking's x-ray laser cannon
1 Punch/Counterpunch's dual allegance transformation
1 Rampage's (BW) tank mode
1 Ratchet's recurring resurrections
1 Red Alert's super-sensitive perception
1 Rhinox's flatulence
1 Rumble's piledrivers/earthshaker
1 Runamuck's friction rifle
1 Scylla's (BW2) plasma energy kiss
1 Soundwave's cassettes
1 Super God Ginrai's (from the "Masterforce" series) elemental energy
blast
1 Tarantulas's (Transmetal) buzzsaw gun
1 Tornatron's (from "Call of the Primitives") energy-draining power
1 Transmutate's (from "Transmutate") scream
1 Victory Leo's (from the "Victory" series) V-Lock Cannon
1 Victory Saber's (from the "Victory" series) V-Lock rifle
1 Wheeljack's flashing ears
1 Wheeljack's magnetic inducer
2 Bombshell's cerebro-shells
2 Megatron's (orig.) drawing power from a black hole
2 Mirage's invisibility
2 Optimus Primal's (Transmetal) flying hoverboard
2 Retrax's hugging grip
2 Rodimus Prime and the Autobot Matrix
2 Shockwave's laser arm/cannon
2 Soundwave's telepathy
2 Windcharger's magnetic field control
3 Deathsaurus' (from the "Victory" series) Ultimate Cannon
3 Rampage's (BW) insanity/maniacal personality
3 Sixshot's multiple transformations
3 Wheelie's rhyming voice
4 Rampage's (BW) empathic vampirism
6 Inferno's (BW) flame-thrower
7 Rampage's (BW) immortality/regeneration
8 Rampage's (BW) triple-barrel cannon/missile launcher
9 Megatron's (orig.) fusion cannon
11 Rhinox's chain guns
11 Skywarp's teleportation
13 Galvatron's (orig.) laser cannon
Galvatron, his gun mode occasionally blows up planets!
--Ty Stalnaker
Blackshadow - All I know about the guy is that he's the Space Mafia. But
it was good enough for Sinatra, dammit.
--Liquid Velcro!
Wheelie and his Ryhming Power Of Doom
--The Robot Train
Rampage's hell belcher missile launcher!
--Megatron33
Rhinox and the chain guns O'Doom
--Vulcana
I still say it's Rhinox's Bad-Ass Chaingun of Doom (tm)!
--M Sipher
Rhinox's Chainguns o'Doom
--delserik@aol.com
Rhinox and his Chain Guns O' Doom!!
--Srini Varanasi
Rhinox and the Chain Gun O Doom (Again, I bet this is disallowed by this
time next year ;-))
--Beast Warrior RatBat
[Or at least trademarked.]
Tarantulas, and his pizza cutter of doom!!! :) :) :) :) :)
--Jon Wilkie
Wheeljack, because no one else has light up ears!
--Tonyfitz
Omega Supreme and his total badassity.
--Brax Cardigan
Does Waspinator's overall "Waspy-ness" count as an ability?
--Michael McCarthy
Fortress Maximus. Be really really big.
--Prowlhound
SCOURGE: "Be really really big." Now THERE'S a power!
CYCLONUS: A little lacking in subtlety, though.
SCOURGE: Who cares? You KNOW it'll always be there when you need it!
Stomp, stomp, stomp!
CYCLONUS: *Ahem* Yes ... well, that was the last award, so I believe
it's time for us to go.
SCOURGE: Aw, do we gotta? I want to see the other results!
CYCLONUS: I'll ask Robert for a videotape.
SCOURGE: Oh, okay -- well then, goodbye, everybody!
[Cut to commercials]
==========================================================================
PART II: TRANSFORMERS TOYS
The wind in the arena KICKS UP as a loud rattling sound builds OVERHEAD.
As the audience looks upward, a gigantic INSECTILE ROBOT floats into view,
enthusiastically shaking a giant pair of MARACAS.
After hovering in the air for a moment, the giant SEPARATES into three
robots, who land on the stage with BIG GRINS. Each robot produces a
GUITAR from his back and begin to play MARIACHI music.
D.J.: Buena tarde, amigos! I'm D.J.!
GIMLET: And I'm GIMLET!
MOTORARM: Y soy MOTORARM!
D.J.: And we are ......................... LOS JOINTRON BROTHERS!
In perfect synchronization, the three robots PUT AWAY their guitars, SLAP
their hips, slap their LEFT forearms with their RIGHT hands, slap their
RIGHT forearms with their LEFT hands, then THRUST their hips forward.
JOINTRONS: OLE'!
The audience APPLAUDS. After a pause, the Jointron Brothers produce BIG
FLOPPY SOMBREROS and put them on their heads.
D.J.: Muchas gracias, TransFans! We are muy happy to be here!
GIMLET: We have been chosen to present the "Trannies" awards for the
best Transformers toys!
MOTORARM: Si!
D.J.: For those who don't know us, my amigos and I are from the
Japanese "Beast Wars Second" TV show.
GIMLET: Or as we call it, "Guerras De la Bestia En Segundo Lugar."
D.J.: But the Japanese, their Espanol is not muy bueno, si?
GIMLET: So we translate it for them!
MOTORARM: Somos muy provechosos!
*** Best Toy of the Year
1 Airazor (recolored)
1 Airazor (Transmetal)
1 B.B./Starscream (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Buzzclaw
1 Dirgegun (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 GodNeptune (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Hellscream (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Powerhug (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Rhinox (Transmetal)
1 Scavenger (Transmetal)
1 Terragator
1 Thrustol (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Megastorm (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Quickstrike
2 Sky Shadow
2 Terrorsaur (Transmetal)
2 Waspinator (Transmetal)
3 Antagony (BotCon '98 exclusive)
3 Lioconvoy (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
3 Rattrap (Transmetal)
4 Cheetor (Transmetal)
4 Optimus Primal (Transmetal)
6 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
7 Tarantulas (Transmetal)
9 Megatron (Transmetal)
10 Depth Charge
16 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
23 Optimal Optimus
25 Rampage (BW)
Rampage -- He's got working TREADS! How many other TF's EVER, or any other
transforming toy for that matter, can brag about that?!
--Xiphos
Transmetal Cheetor. Not as big as OpOp or Rampage or the others, but he's
so well designed I don't care. Quite possibly the best BWs toy ever. The
fact it's Cheetor is one those little ironies I will never understand.
--The Dude
Optimal Optimus. Okay, I haven't managed to get hold of it yet, but it
LOOKS cool 8-)
--Ian Pointer
My beloved Quickstrike. He is just so very cool looking, has *great*
poseability, and stands up pretty well most of the time, too. And he can
have conversations with his hand :)
--Lia Brown
Of course Optimal Optimus is gonna win, but I'll vote for Depth Charge and
his pizza-oven-of-doom!
--HooksX
Powerhug. Since Retrax is the coolest toy EVER, Powerhug, which is
Chromed Retrax, is this year's coolest toy.
--Hooper_X
D.J.: That was muy close.
GIMLET: Si, amigo. But Rampage's treads are just a little better.
MOTORARM: Las pisadas de goma son fantasticas!
D.J.: Si, but I think OpOp's light-up cannons are muy buenos, too!
GIMLET: They're all fabulosos!
MOTORARM: OLE'!
----------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Ever
[DISALLOWED: Jetfire (orig.)]
1 Bumblebee (orig.)
1 Clench/Colossus
1 Cyclonus
1 Deathsaurus/Deszarus (from the "Victory" series)
1 Depth Charge
1 Hot Rod
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Megatron (BW T-rex)
1 Megatron (Combat Hero)
1 Megatron (G2)
1 Metroplex
1 Onslaught
1 Optimus Prime (Action Master)
1 Optimus Prime (Combat Hero)
1 Rodimus Prime
1 Rotorstorm
1 Sandstorm (orig.)
1 Scourge
1 Siren
1 Skywarp (orig.)
1 Springer
1 Star Saber (from the "Victory" series)
1 Starscream (orig.)
1 Tarantulas (Transmetal)
1 Tracks
1 Trypticon
1 Ultra Magnus
2 Devastator (orig.)
2 Retrax
2 Victory Saber (from the "Victory" series)
3 Dreadwing/Smokescreen (G2 ATB)
3 Magnaboss
3 Megatron (Transmetal)
3 Optimus Primal (gorilla)
3 Overlord (from the "Victory" series)
4 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
4 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
4 Predaking
4 Rampage (BW)
5 Optimal Optimus
5 Sixshot
6 Soundwave (orig.)
7 Shockwave (orig.)
8 Megatron (orig.)
8 Optimus Prime (orig.)
14 Fortress Maximus
17 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
Laser OP - he's got enough weapons to take on Iraq by himself
--DreadWing
Gorilla Optimus Primal. He's really, really HUGE, with a bajillion weapons
and other features, cool detailing, great poseability and a deceptively
simple Transformation. Plus he has the classic "Optimus Prime" face!
--Rick R. Mortis
The best Transformers toy I ever saw was the one that can Transform from a
robot form, to an alternate vehicle/animal.
--Dalmatian
I finally understand why!!!!!! Jetfire!!!!! Jetfire's the guy!!!! And now
I can't vote for him?!?!
--Alvaro Carvajal
Okay. Cyclonus. Don't ask me to pick just one again, ya hear?!?!
--Sharon "Tut" LaBorde
G1 Megatron. Okay, skinny legs, but he turns into a gun! That you can use!
For bank robberies and stuff! Yay!
--Runabrat
Fortress Maximus. I like big things. Oh ... gosh ... please don't
misconstrue that. I'm a healthy, normal 16-year-old boy.
--Perceptor
There were no good toys after Jetfire! Ow! Stop throwing those!
--Stanley Lui
GIMLET: Laser Optimus -- the first Optimus to have a sword!
MOTORARM: Las espadas son impresionantes!
GIMLET: Si, I like swords tambien.
D.J.: How come we don't have swords?
GIMLET: Because, mi amigo, we have something even better!
D.J.: Oh?
MOTORARM: Cual es el?
GIMLET: We have ... GUITARS!
Gimlet produces a GUITAR and starts to play. After a moment, D.J. starts
to shake a pair of MARACAS while Motorarm WHOOPS and CHEERS to the music.
This continues for ten seconds, whereupon the Jointron Brothers
SIMUTANEOUSLY put away their instruments and take a bow.
----------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Tech-Spec
1 Afterburner
1 Antagony (BotCon '98 exclusive)
1 Apeface
1 Beachcomber
1 Bludgeon
1 Cheetor (orig.)
1 Clench/Colossus
1 Deathsaurus/Deszarus (from the "Victory" series)
1 Depth Charge
1 Dinobot (TM2)
1 Dreadwing/Smokescreen (G2 ATB)
1 Finback
1 Flywheels
1 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Galvatron (orig.)
1 Getaway
1 Grotusque
1 Hook
1 Hot Rod
1 Hubcap
1 Huffer
1 Inferno (orig.)
1 Ironhide (orig.)
1 Jazz (orig.)
1 Jetfire
1 Kickoff
1 Megatron (Transmetal)
1 Noctorro
1 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
1 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
1 Overlord (UK release)
1 Pipes
1 Prowl (orig.)
1 Ramulus
1 Repugnus
1 Retrax
1 Roadbuster
1 Rodimus Prime
1 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
1 Skywarp (orig.)
1 Snaptrap
1 Soundwave (orig.)
1 Springer
1 Swerve
1 Swoop
1 Thundercracker (orig.)
1 Thunderwing
1 Wheelie
1 Wheeljack (orig.)
2 Doubledealer
2 Needlenose
2 Optimus Prime (Action Master)
2 Sunstreaker
2 Tailgate
3 Rampage (BW)
3 Swindle
4 Bluestreak
4 Starscream (orig.)
7 Sky Shadow
8 Megatron (orig.)
17 Optimus Prime (orig.)
Optimus Prime, the very first one. Back when they put more thought into
techspecs.
--Velociripper
Apeface. Conjuring up the image of a big metal monkey spitting fuel in
public is just too amusing =)
--Astrotrain
Roadbuster. Too bad it's all we ever saw of his character aside from
acting as cannon fodder in the UK. Guess the fact he was a charismatic
leader could have meant ... oh no ... Optimus Prime could be upstaged for
5 seconds!
--Master Shrink
Deszaras/Deathsaurus! "Soft spot for children" :)
--Windchaser
Bluestreak. Describes a very interesting character ... with a lot of
guns ;)
--Divefire
I really like Skyshadow's -- it's also the only one that stays in my head
for any length of time.
--Brax Cardigan
Repugnus. It was great to see that even the Autobots had personnel
problems. *That* is the kind of thing that makes the Transformers
universe special.
--Tengu
You mean someone actually looks at them?
--Fathom
MOTORARM: Viva Convoy!
D.J.: No, amigo, he is Optimus Prime.
MOTORARM: El no es Convoy?
D.J.: No.
GIMLET: I thought Convoy and Optimus Prime were the same.
D.J.: No, they are not the same. Optimus Prime speaks Ingles.
Convoy speaks Japones.
GIMLET: And WE speak Espanol!
MOTORARM: OLE'!
----------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Tech-Spec Quote
1 Air Raid: "If you look first, you may not leap."
1 Airwave: "My price is too high and you're going to pay."
1 Antagony: "Prepare for Armageddon."
1 Astrotrain: "In confusion there is opportunity."
1 Beachcomber: "Know the conflict within before facing the conflict
without."
1 Blot: "I'm not as bad as I look -- I'm worse."
1 Bluestreak: "I never met a Decepticon I didn't dislike."
1 Blurr: "The faster it is, the better I like it."
1 Brainstorm: "The strongest tyrant cannot crush freedom of thought."
1 Brawn: "Might over microchips."
1 Bumblebee: "The least likely can be the most dangerous."
1 Dead End: "We are all just food for rust."
1 Dirge: "Fear is the element that unites all losers."
1 Dragstrip: "The first one to cross the finish line LIVES."
1 Fangry: "Leaders are for fools who need to follow."
1 Fastlane: "Either your'e out of my way or out of luck."
1 Fearswoop: "Let terror and evil reign in the skies -- and show no
Autobot mercy."
1 Fortress Maximus: "Prepare for war, but strive for peace."
1 High Beam: "Let's get busy!"
1 Hooligan: "I'll break your funny bone!"
1 Hound: "Observe everything, remember even more."
1 Ironhide (orig.): "High tech circuitry is no replacement for guts."
1 Kup: "The past is the greatest teacher."
1 Megatron (BW alligator): "Prosper or perish is the Predacon way of
life, and we plan to survive by driving the Maximals into
extinction! That bat-brained Optimus Primal thinks he can
challenge our strength, but he has yet to feel the painful
punishment I'll give him as I sink my teeth into his furry flesh!
He may still be a robot on the inside, but on the outside ... he's
my lunch!"
1 Mirage (orig.): "Who and what I am I hide from the enemy."
1 Octane: "He who has fuel, has power."
1 Omega Supreme: "Unyielding resolve has no conqueror."
1 Punch/Counterpunch: "In my business, there are no friends, only
suspects."
1 Quake: "Nothing lasts forever ... so why not destroy it now?"
1 Rad: "Think before you shoot, but shoot before you're shot!"
1 Ravage: "Today's Autobots are tomorrow's scrap metal."
1 Roadbuster: "War is a dirty business ... and I'm as dirty as they
come."
1 Rodimus Prime: "Experience is the benchmark of maturity."
1 Sandstorm (MW): "There's a bad storm brewing, and I'm it!"
1 Scavenger (orig.): "Everything is worth something, even me."
1 Scourge: "Desolation follows in my trail."
1 Scrapper: "My work is a monument to -- and of -- my enemies."
1 Skywarp (orig.): "Strike when the enemy isn't looking."
1 Stalker: "Hate til it hurts, then hate some more."
1 Streetwise: "You have to know where you are before you know what to
do."
1 Sunstreaker: "They can't beat the best."
1 Triggerhappy: "Have gun, have fun!"
1 Vice Grip: "The search often begins within yourself."
2 Cosmos: "Reach for the stars, but never leave your friends."
2 Dreadwing/Smokescreen (G2 ATB): "When you least expect it, expect
me!"
2 Gears: "Nobody wins a war -- somebody loses."
2 Prowl (orig.): "Logic is the ultimate weapon."
2 Shockwave: "Clarity of thought before rashness of action."
2 Soundwave (orig.): "Cries and screams are music to my ears."
2 Springer: "Strength is more than physical."
2 Swindle: "Make deals, not war."
3 Razorclaw (orig.): "All good things succumb to those who wait."
7 Starscream (orig.): "Conquest is made on the ashes of one's enemies."
10 Sideswipe: "I don't break the rules, I bend them -- a lot."
14 Megatron (orig.): "Peace through tyranny."
20 Optimus Prime (orig.): "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."
Optimus Prime. I mean, it sums up the entire Autobot viewpoint in 8 words.
Lets see the 'Cons do that! :)
--rodimus@mindspring.com
G1 Megatron (explains his personality, ruthlessness, and function in 3
words)
--delserik@aol.com
Airwave - "My price is too high, and you're going to pay." Too bad this
was backed up by a Micromaster with a strength of 1.
--Liquid Velcro!
Fort Max's. "Prepare for war, but strive for peace." Good words for life.
--Perceptor
"Think before you shoot, but shoot before you're shot." -- Rad. One of
the most obscure characters, but my favorite quote.
--Pyynk
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" line. 'Course, does that
mean that non-sentient being can be enslaved?
--ArkNorth
GIMLET: I can name that viewpoint in eight words.
D.J.: I can name that viewpoint in six words!
GIMLET: I can name that viewpoint in four words!
D.J.: I can name that viewpoint in two words!
GIMLET: I can name that viewpoint in ONE word!
D.J.: All right, amigo ... name that viewpoint!
GIMLET: Liberty!
D.J.: Victory!
MOTORARM: CELEBRE!!!
GIMLET: Excellent!
----------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Box Art
1 Afterburner
1 Antagony (BotCon '98 exclusive)
1 Blackarachnia (Japanese version)
1 Blitzwing
1 Bugly
1 Bumblebee (G2)
1 Deathsaurus
1 Devastator
1 Dinobot (orig.)
1 Flywheels
1 Galvatron (orig.)
1 Getaway
1 GodNeptune (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Grimlock (Pretender)
1 Grotusque
1 Hardhead
1 Hot Rod
1 Iguanus (original Pretender)
1 Inferno (orig.)
1 Insecticon
1 Leozak (from the "Victory" series)
1 Liokaiser (from the "Victory" series)
1 Megatron (Action Master)
1 Megatron (G2 tank)
1 Megatron (Transmetal)
1 Micromaster Construction Patrol
1 Omega Supreme
1 Optimus Primal (Beast Wars gorilla)
1 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
1 Optimus Prime (orig.)
1 Pounce/Wingspan
1 Powerhug (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Rattrap (Transmetal)
1 Rippersnapper
1 Rodimus Prime
1 Sixshot
1 Sky Lynx
1 Sky Shadow
1 Snaptrap
1 Star Convoy (from the "Battlestars" series)
1 Star Saber (from the "Victory" series)
1 Star Saber/Victory Leo gift set (from the "Victory" series)
1 Starscream (Machine Wars)
1 Starscream (orig.)
1 Strafe (orig.)
1 Terrorsaur (Japanese)
1 Terrorsaur (orig.)
1 Transquito
1 Tripredacus
1 Trypticon
1 Victory Leo (from the "Victory" series)
1 Wheeljack (orig.)
1 Wildfly
2 Gigastorm (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Megatron (orig.)
2 Optimus Prime (MW)
2 Overlord (froM "Victory")
2 Predaking
2 Prowl (orig.)
2 Punch/Counterpunch
2 Shockwave (orig.)
2 Skywarp (orig.)
2 Victory Saber (from the "Victory" series)
2 Waspinator (Transmetal)
3 Jetfire (orig.)
3 Magnaboss
3 Optimal Optimus
4 Depth Charge
5 LioConvoy (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
5 Rampage (BW)
5 Soundwave (orig.)
6 Fortress Maximus
6 Optimus Prime (PowerMaster)
PMOP - I wish the toy, and the comic's rendition of him, looked as good.
--Ka Faraq Gatri
Leozak -- all hail the twerpiest of Destrons!
--Lia Brown
LioConvoy, especially with that lovely savahna background for the box-
window
--Beast Warrior RatBat
It's all bad!
--Syke
They're all cool! :-D
--ZetaCron
I gotta admit, Depth Charge is pretty sweet-looking on that cover art.
--Playground Psychotic
Gigastorm - Following the tradition established by the Japanese Trypticon
box art in making a big, clunky TF look active and menacing.
--Liquid Velcro!
Hot Rod! He looks cute!
--Marijose Diaz
D.J.: Hey, I am cute also!
GIMLET: But I am cuter!
D.J.: No, mi amigo, you know I love you like a brother, but I must
insist that I am muy mucho atractivo.
MOTORARM: "Muy mucho atractivo"?
GIMLET: Estupido!
D.J.: Please, amigo, jealousy is not good for you...
GIMLET: Se es muchos de caca del toro!
MOTORARM: "Caca del toro"?
D.J.: I cannot help it if I am desirable by the lovely senoritas
out there.
GIMLET: The lovely senors, perhaps.
D.J.: HEY! No soy Starscream!
----------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Gimmick
[DISALLOWED: Combiners/Gestalts]
1 Auto-transformations
1 Brainmasters
1 Breastforce
1 Cyberbeasts (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Deluxe Autobots
1 Dinobots
1 Duocons
1 Firecons
1 Flashing lights and sound
1 Lots of articulation
1 Micromaster bases
1 Rampage's (BW) treads
1 Re-release of "classic" toys
1 Rotor Force
1 Rubsigns
1 Spark crystals
1 Talking toys/sound boxes
1 Transformers: Generation 2
1 Transmetal 2s
1 Ultra Pretenders
2 Firing weapons
2 Glowing eyes
2 Micromasters
2 Motorized/Walking action
2 Optimal Optimus' assorted gimmicks
3 Cassettes/Players
3 Cyberjets
3 Pretenders
3 Water-squirting weapons
5 Powermasters/Godmasters
6 Action Masters
6 Integrated Weapons
8 Laser Rods
9 Targetmasters
13 Triple Changers
20 Headmasters
20 Transmetals
The best toy gimmick in my humble opinion is the Headmasters. You can
switch around the heads! Don't like that plug-ugly mug? Rip it off and
put your own in.
--Darzonique
Transmetals. Whoever thought that up needs to get a Nobel. Best thing I've
seen from TF's in a looooong time.
--Springer
Firing weapons. In yer face, nanny state anti-violence freaks! :)
--White Cat
Hidden/Integrated weaponry. It's so much *nicer* when the toys can keep
their weapons with them in all modes; you don't lose them as easily (so
sayeth the person who can't find the AquaBrawn shark drone for his Depth
Charge....)
--Phil "SkyJammer" Zeman
Action Mas-- oh, wait, you said the BEST. Sorry.
--Eliot Lefebvre
ActionMasters. These _actually_looked_like_the_ character_!! And they
weren't bricks! Give 'em a break!
--Matt
Feh. Since they never really played up the weapon storage aspects of
recent toys, I'm going with Laser Rods... they got some NICE light-up
features in such a small package. (plus they also stored their weapons in
non-robot mode, neener neener neener...)
--M Sipher
Rotor force. Did you know they'll launch more than half-way to the
ceiling of the Anaheim Convention Center? :]
--Robert Powers
GIMLET: I think it would be fantasticas to be a Transmetal.
D.J.: Why?
GIMLET: It would be muy convenient -- not only would I look more
futuristic and powerful, but I wouldn't have to buy any more
sequined shirts for los mariachi parties!
----------------------------------------
*** Worst Toy of the Year
1 Airazor (recolored)
1 Airazor (Transmetal)
1 Autolauncher
1 Dirge (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Diver (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Lioconvoy (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Moon (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Optimus Primal (Transmetal)
1 Quickstrike
1 Scylla (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
1 Sky Shadow
1 Sonar
1 Terrorsaur (Transmetal)
1 Torca
2 Bantor
2 Cheetor (Transmetal)
2 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
2 Drill Nuts (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 GodNeptune (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Ikard/Tako Tank (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Powerhug (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Scuba (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
3 Blackarachnia (Happy Meal Transmetal)
3 Rattrap (Transmetal)
3 Rhinox (Transmetal)
3 Scarem
3 Scavenger (Transmetal)
3 Terragator
4 Optimal Optimus
4 Scorponok (Happy Meal Transmetal)
4 Waspinator (Transmetal)
5 Air Hammer
5 Noctorro
6 Dinobot (Happy Meal Transmetal)
7 Optimus Minor
11 Cheetor (Transmetal 2)
24 Injector
Injector. Hi, I'm Injector, and I'm always being swallowed by a fish while
having my head gouged on a stick wedged into my neck! It's actually
surprisingly comfortable!
--Srini Varanasi
Injector. Imagine a toy with the transformation enjoyment of a
Jumpstarter, the good looks of a Gobot, and the coolness factor of Daniel
Witwicky. Then, imagine a toy that's much worse. That's Injector.
--Picard42
Happy Meal Scorponok, who now stands in all of my TF battles as the
first - and last - guy to get shot.
--Eliot Lefebvre
Drill Nuts, just because of the NAME!
--Windstorm
So many choices and funny they are all part of the Beast Wars II line from
Japan. Should I go with the Machine Wars Jet repaints, King Neptune, or
Gigastrom. I guess I will go with King Neptune for the blatent reuse of
an old mold that was not the best quality when it was first released in
the 80's and was further ruined by the fact that many parts were missing
and a component which was included in the original Seacons was also
removed. I am extremely surprised when I see toys like this praised about
how great they are, oh wait it is an exclusive and hard to find.
--Doug Kern
Optimus Minor -- A monkey. A little monkey. Not even a cool gorilla.
Just a monkey. [Moans and shakes head]
--Jackpot
Airhammer. He just can't do much. (At least Injector looks as creepy as
all get out. Airhammer? Bleah.)
--Brax Cardigan
Transmetal Cheetor, because I like the original
--Nancy Ferree
Scylla. Sure, Tentakil's a pretty good mold, and sure it's mostly a
tasteful repaint... but LIPSTICK!?
--Charles Calhoun
D.J.: Poor Injector!
GIMLET: Si, si. Not everyone can be as handsome as we, amigos, but
there are ways to alleviate the problem.
MOTORARM: Cirugia plastica? ?
D.J.: ...RECONSTRUCTIVE surgery, maybe.
GIMLET: No, amigos, the answer is muy easier. All Injector needs to
do is -- ACCESSORIZE!
GIMLET TAKES OFF his sombrero and WAVES it in the air. The other two
Jointrons follow his lead, and the three begin WHOOPING and CHEERING.
After a few seconds of this, they THROW their sombreros into the audience.
JOINTRONS: OLE'!
----------------------------------------
*** Worst Toy Ever
[DISALLOWED: Wheelie]
1 Blot
1 Blurr
1 Brawn
1 Bumblebee (orig.)
1 Bumblebee (Pretender)
1 Chainclaw
1 Chase (Throttlebot)
1 Cindersaur
1 Devastator (Action Master)
1 Dinobot (McDonalds Happy Meal Transmetal)
1 Drench
1 Gnaw
1 Grandus (from the "Battlestars" series)
1 Grimlock (Pretender)
1 Gunrunner
1 Ironhide (G2 Power Master)
1 Ironhide (Go-Bot)
1 Jet Powerdasher (S.T.A.R.S. exclusive)
1 Jetfire (orig.)
1 Megatron (G2)
1 Moon (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Optimal Optimus
1 Outback
1 Punch/Counterpunch
1 Rad
1 Ramhorn (Tripredacus component)
1 Rhinox (Transmetal)
1 Scourge
1 Searchlight
1 Seaspray
1 Sixshot
1 Skids
1 Sonar
1 Springer
1 Star Convoy (from the "Battlestars" series)
1 Starscream (MW)
1 Thundercracker (Action Master)
1 Transquito
1 Waspinator (Transmetal)
1 Weirdwolf
2 Battletrap
2 Blackarachnia (Happy Meal Transmetal)
2 Blackarachnia (orig.)
2 Broadside
2 Galvatron
2 Meanstreak
2 Menasor
2 Micromasters
2 Rhino (BW Happy Meal)
2 Rodimus Prime
2 Wideload
3 Action Masters
3 Brawn
3 Cosmos
3 Drillbit
3 Megatron (orig.)
3 Optimus Primal (bat)
3 Powerglide
3 Quickswitch
3 Topspin/Twin Twist (Jumpstarters)
4 Broadside
4 Bulletbike
4 Firecons
4 Soundwave (Go-bot)
5 Battlechargers (Runamuck/Runabout)
5 Goldbug
5 Ironhide/Ratchet (orig.)
6 Retrax
6 Throttlebots
Retrax - "Gee, look what Timmy got in his stocking this Christmas - a
transforming cyst!"
--Tengu
Retrax! *gets assaulted by a horde of Retrax lovers* Okay! I take it
back! Any Throttlebot, the things don't even have arms!
--Windchaser
I have this little black train engine, about 1 1/2" long. To "transform,"
his legs go down and his arms come up. His "posability" consists of his
legs and arms going up and down. I have no idea who he is.
--White Cat
The generation 2 Megatron. He looks like he got breast implants.
--Quincy007
The Autobot Pretender armored car (Gunrunner, I think). To transform
robot into jet, fold up the robot's legs, then strap on its jet-shaped
backpack. Ahem.
--Thylacine 2000
Jetfire. Yeah. THAT'LL start some hell. ;D
--Hooper_X
Punch/Counterpunch - Yeah, I'm a Decepticon. Just don't look at my back,
'kay? Thanks. Oh, no reason. I said, DON'T LOOK AT-- oh, jeez.
--Jackpot
Bulletbike ("I'm gonna smash you with my single, bright orange foot!!")
--Andrew Crane
A "worst" Transformer toy? What do you mean "worst?" Can't I write in some
piece of Star Wars piddlycrap instead?
--Playground Psychotic
D.J.: What is wrong with Star Wars toys?
GIMLET: Si! Star Wars is fabulosa!
MOTORARM: Como Zorro!
D.J.: Si, like Zorro! Darth Vader, he wears black clothes!
MOTORARM: Como Zorro!
GIMLET: And he has a sword!
MOTORARM: Como Zorro!
D.J.: And he has amazing abilities!
MOTORARM: Como Zorro!
GIMLET: And he is very strong and brave!
MOTORARM: Como Zorro!
PAUSE.
D.J.: You know, I think I see a pattern here.
GIMLET: Me too.
D.J.: Maybe Star Wars is not so good after all.
GIMLET: Si -- it is nothing but a bad copy of Zorro!
MOTORARM: Viva Zorro!
----------------------------------------
*** Worst Toy Tech-Spec
1 Apeface
1 B'Boom
1 Blackarachnia
1 Cheetor (orig.)
1 Cheetor (Transmetal)
1 Clench
1 Countdown
1 Cyclonus
1 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
1 Drill Nuts (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Gnaw
1 Hot Rod
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Megatron (BW T-rex)
1 Megatron (Combat Hero)
1 Megatron (MW)
1 Megatron (Transmetal)
1 Optimus Primal (gorilla)
1 Optimus Prime (European G2)
1 Optimus Prime (G2)
1 Optimus Prime (orig.)
1 Ratchet
1 Rattrap (orig.)
1 Ravage
1 Razorbeast
1 Rhinox (Transmetal)
1 Road Pig
1 Scavenger (BW)
1 Scorponok (BW)
1 Shockwave (orig.)
1 Skyfall
1 Skyquake
1 Snapper
1 Starscream (Action Master)
1 Sunstreaker (orig.)
1 Tarantulas (Transmetal)
1 Thundercracker
1 Topspin
1 Tracks
1 Waspinator (Transmetal)
1 Whirl
2 Bantor
2 Deluge
2 Megatron (BW alligator)
2 Oynx Primal (BotCon '96 exclusive)
2 Tarantulas (orig.)
2 Thunderwing
2 Waspinator (orig.)
3 Galvatron (orig.)
3 Optimus Primal (bat)
4 Optimus Primal (Transmetal)
4 Wheelie
5 Blowout
6 Optimal Optimus
7 Soundwave (orig.)
Soundwave, without question. When I first bought the toy, it was because
of the cartoon Soundwave. And when I read that tech spec, I was crushed,
and suspicious for months that Soundwave would do something horrible.
Eventually, the real Soundwave showed his true nature enough times that I
just threw that stupid tech spec away.
--Skyflight
Waspinator. "It"?!? "THE Waspinator"?!?!?!?!?!?! WTF is that about?
--Michael McCarthy
Any Beast Wars toy
--Prowlhound
Any original G2 spec
--delserik@aol.com
Uhhh they all suck =P Except for DreadWing's, of course *ahem*
--DreadWing
Skyquake "He's the most evil of all Decepticons. Totally, absolutly,
hugely evil-ly evil...."
--The Robot Train
[European] G2 Optimus Prime. "Even one Decepticon is too many"? Sheesh,
right. This is an insult to Optimi everywhere.
--Joona I Palaste
Bantor. It reads like MST3K fodder.
--Scott Kampa
At last, one category in which Wheelie isn't disallowed! Besides, his tech
spec quote should belong to someone else. :)
--Marijose Diaz
BW Optimus Primal (bat). Hyperbole may be the right of all sentient
writers, but these awful tech specs have to be stopped before they spread
their drek to the rest of the toy line! Oops, wait, too late...
--Robert Powers
GIMLET: I've never liked Soundwave's tech-spec.
D.J.: Me neither -- it makes no sense!
GIMLET: "Cries and screams are music to my ears"? That's estupido!
D.J.: SI! Cries and screams are not like music at all! MUSIC is
like music to my ears!
GIMLET: Yes! SPANISH music!
The Jointron Brothers SIMULTANEOUSLY produces GUITARS and start to play
mariachi music (again). This continues for several seconds, then they
finish with a FLOURISH and BLOW KISSES to the audience.
JOINTRONS: OLE'!
----------------------------------------
*** Worst Toy Gimmick
1 Bantor's head-ramming fist
1 Clones
1 Combiners
1 Duocons
1 Firecons
1 Fuzors
1 Happy Meal Transformers
1 Micromaster Combiners
1 Micromaster Patrols
1 Monster Pretender shells ("rubbery skin")
1 Mutant heads
1 Noctorro's flapping wings/gripping "hug"
1 Optimus Primal's (gorilla) chest-pounding
1 Powermasters
1 Pull-back motors
1 Retrax's "hugging" ability
1 Rhinox's spinner
1 Targetmasters
2 Machine Wars
3 Jumpstarters
3 Transmetal 2s
4 Water-squirting weapons/water color changers
5 Sparkabots/cons
6 Headmasters
7 Micromasters
9 Throttlebots
13 Auto-transformation
25 Action Masters
36 Pretenders
Pretenders. Some disguise, a big horkin' walrus man. Please.
--Gyroscop
Water squirting TFs. Watch those stickers peel off, after all the effort
taken to apply them. Nice one, Hasbro.
--Patrick Crane
Fuzor-ness. I know I'm going straight to hell for saying that.
--Stanley Lui
Actionmasters (Is it really a gimmick? More like an anti-gimmick)
--Lars Eriksson
High prices. Can I vote for that?
--CostaLiving
Micromasters [feeling the "Micromachine"'s buuuuurrrrnnnn]
--Zhadnost Grimwolf
G1 Sparkbots and their ability to make sparks fly out their rears.
--Dalmatian
Pretenders. Alright, who hit the crack before thinking this up?
--Springer
Action Masters. This is your normal Hasbro exec. This is your Hasbro exec
on LSD. What were they thinking?
--Ian Pointer
GIMLET: Si, si, si!
D.J.: Listen to us, children -- no matter what bad men will try to
tell you, JUST SAY NO to drugs!
GIMLET: Si! They make you invent bad toys!
----------------------------------------
*** Most Complicated Toy
[Name ONE toy.]
1 B'Boom
1 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
1 Overlord (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Predaking
1 Prowl (Magnaboss component)
1 Soundwave (orig.)
1 Trypticon
2 Dreadwing/Smokescreen ATB (sold as Ace Evader in Europe)
2 Jetfire (orig.)
2 Quickswitch
3 Megatron (BW T-rex)
3 Megatron (orig.)
3 Ramhorn (Tripredacus component)
4 Sonar
5 Fortress Maximus
5 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
6 Omega Supreme
10 Magnaboss
16 Rampage (BW)
16 Sixshot
19 Optimal Optimus
32 Tripredacus
Tripedacus. Yikes! I think I've only transformed him once! :|
--Steve Stonebraker
Probably BW2 Galvatron. I'm afraid to transform him for fear of not being
able to get him back into robot mode.....
--Raksha
The Beast Wars Gestalts have been surpassed! And it's name is OPTIMAL
OPTIMUS!!
--ArkNorth
Overlord. If you need to be someplace at 8:00, don't take this hulk off
the shelf at 7:15. To transform robot into fortress: Dismember the robot,
turn all its parts inside-out, then reassemble it upside-down and
backwards. To turn vehicles into robot or fortress, activate their
Powermaster gimmicks and then break them both in half, reassembling
separately. Don't forget where all 20 or so accessories go. Don't also
forget to plug and unplug both Powermaster engines twice per transform.
--Thylacine 2000
Sixshot, simply for having so many different parts and intricate
transformations that he's hard to transform without knowing what you're
doing.
--Corbett Owen
... I wouldn't have a clue. I'll wait and see what everyone else voted
for. :)
--CostaLiving
BW Rampage. For months I've had the bloody thing and turning him into his
tank mode still puts me a few steps closer to insanity.
--Master Shrink
D.J.: We're number one!
GIMLET: We're number one!
D.J.: We're number one!
GIMLET: We're number one!
MOTORARM: Ahora esta el tiempo en Trannies cuando BAILAMOS!
Motorarm produces a GUITAR and starts to play mariachi music, while
Gimlet and D.J. begin SHAKING MARACAS and dancing around the stage.
----------------------------------------
*** The Dreams Made Steel Award, for the non-toy Transformers character
who should have a toy made for him/her/it
[DISALLOWED: Unicron, Arcee]
1 Ariel (from "War Dawn")
1 Artemis (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
1 Chip Chase
1 Cybertronian Decepticon jets
1 Deathcobra (from the "Victory" series)
1 Kranix
1 Kremzeek!
1 Moonracer (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Neanderthal leader (from "Code of Hero" and "Cutting Edge")
1 Orion Pax
1 Protoform Cybertronians
1 Tarantulas' spider flashlights
1 Wreckers (from the UK comics)
2 Firestar (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
2 Scrounge (from the original comics)
2 Skyfire
3 Arcee
3 Death's Head (from the UK comics)
3 Emirate Xaaron
4 Super Megatron (from the "Battlestars" series)
5 Lord Straxus
5 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
6 Alpha Trion
8 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
9 Elita-1
9 Quintesson
10 Transmutate (from "Transmutate")
21 Ravage (BW)
29 Lord Jhiaxus
Jhiaxus! Jhiaxus! Jhiaxus! With Mini-Rook to lackey to him. (If anyone
could decide what Rook's face looks like)
--Rick R. Mortis
Artemis ... my Moon toy's gonna look soooo lonely without her..
--Beast Warrior RatBat
Although Beta is still one of my favorites, I recently rewatched "Enter
the Nightbird" & noticed how many weapons Nightbird has. She's practically
a whole army on legs! Hasbro would probably have to put out a whole
playset w/ her in order to include all *her* weapons. >:)
--Suzanne M. Ferree
The yellow, blue, green seekers from "Divide and Conquer."
--Michael McCarthy
BW Ravage, although Hasbro would definitely have problems getting him to
transform to a tape many times under his robot size. :>
--Corbett Owen
Super Megatron. But only if it's done *right*.....
--Raksha
Even though it would have probably been as ugly a toy as it is a
character, I can't help but think that a Quintesson toy would have been
really unique and interesting.
--Astrotrain
GIMLET: I want a Daniel Witwicky toy!
D.J.: Eh?
MOTORARM: El ha dado vuelta insano?
D.J.: All right, amigo, WHY do you want a Daniel Witwicky toy?
GIMLET: Is easy! So I can pretend when he is squashed by the
Destrons!
MOTORARM: De que es cruel...
D.J.: Yes, that is VERY mean...
GIMLET: But funny!
D.J.: Si!
MOTORARM: Era muy divertido!
----------------------------------------
*** The Dennis Rodman Award, for the Transformers toy with the worst
color scheme
1 Blackarachnia
1 Blitzwing
1 Brawl (G2)
1 Breakdown (G2)
1 Broadside
1 Bumblebee (orig.)
1 Cheetor (Transmetal 2)
1 Claw Jaw
1 Clench/Colossus
1 Constructicons (original lime green)
1 Dinobot
1 Gnaw
1 Gobots
1 Grimlock (G2, blue version)
1 Hoist
1 Huffer
1 Longtooth
1 Manta Ray
1 Megatron (G2 tank)
1 Mirage (orig.)
1 Motormaster (G2)
1 Optimus Primal (bat)
1 Optimus Primal (Transmetal)
1 Optimus Prime (Combat Hero)
1 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
1 Packrat
1 Piranacon/Seacons (orig.)
1 Quickswitch
1 Ramjet
1 Rampage (BW)
1 Roadbuster
1 Scorponok (Happy Meal Transmetal)
1 Sixshot
1 Skullcruncher
1 Slag (G2, green)
1 Spittor
1 Squeezeplay
1 Stalker
1 Superion/Aerialbots (Generation 2)
1 Tarantulas (orig.)
1 Terrorsaur (Transmetal)
1 Torca
1 Transquito
1 Tripledacus (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Tripredacus
2 Banzai-tron
2 Drill Bit
2 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 K-9
2 Megatron (BW T-rex)
2 Silverbolt (G2 Aerialbot)
2 Swindle (G2)
2 Thunderclash
2 Thundercracker (Action Master)
3 Optimus Prime (MW)
3 Retrax
4 Injector
4 Monstructor
4 Onslaught (G2)
4 Wheelie
13 Soundwave (Go-bot)
14 Bruticus/Combaticons (Generation 2)
18 Optimal Optimus
As much as Optimal Optimus is in the coolness factor, his color factor is
far worse. Those colors clash more than Dorritos, milk and chocolate for a
snack...
--AlexJ33106
Monstructor. His Japanese version, Dinoking, looks _much_ better. ^_^
--Tony Li
Anything G2
--Brucee
It's got to be Glow-Bot--er, excuse me, Go-Bot Soundwave. He's hideous in
broad daylight, but at least he makes a decent nightlight for the kids'
room--plus, he scares away potential burglars.
--Zobovor
Transquitto. Puke! Puke! Puke!
--Blue-Jackal
G2 Bruticus. Geeze, the only way that'd be stealth camo is at a Twister
game factory. :p
--rodimus@mindspring.com
Drill Bit. Mmm, transparent feces.
--Jordan Derber
MOTORARM: Comia Dorritos, la leche, y el chocolate una vez.
D.J.: Si?
GIMLET: How was it?
MOTORARM: Terrible! Y entonces tambien consegui el transparent--
GIMLET: NO, amigo!
D.J.: Si si si! This is a FAMILY show!
MOTORARM: Pero eso no nos ha parado antes...
GIMLET: NO!
----------------------------------------
*** The "Fan-riffic!" Award, for the Transformers toy that's the most
fun to play with
1 Afterburner
1 Airazor (Transmetal)
1 Autolauncher (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Battlechargers
1 B'Boom
1 Buzzsaw (orig.)
1 Claw Jaw
1 Countdown
1 Cyberjets
1 Doubledealer
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Grimlock (orig.)
1 Ikard/Takotank (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Inferno (orig.)
1 Injector
1 Jetfire (Cyberjet)
1 Lioconvoy (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
1 Magnaboss
1 Manterror
1 Megatron (MW)
1 Misfire
1 Omega Supreme
1 Optimus Minor
1 Optimus Primal (Transmetal)
1 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
1 Overkill
1 Overlord (from the "Masterforce" series)
1 Perceptor
1 Pincher
1 Powerglide
1 Powerpinch
1 Ravage
1 Razorclaw (BW)
1 Rodimus Prime
1 Sandstorm (orig.)
1 Scorponok (BW)
1 Shockwave (orig.)
1 Smokescreen (G2 jet)
1 Space Case
1 Spittor
1 Terragator
1 Trypticon
2 Bumblebee (orig.)
2 Cyclonus
2 Dinobot (TM2)
2 Galvatron (from the "Beast Wars Second" series)
2 Long Haul
2 Megatron (BW T-rex)
2 Megatron (G2 tank)
2 Megatron (orig.)
2 Optimus Prime (orig.)
2 Rattrap (Transmetal)
2 Retrax
2 Scorponok (orig.)
2 Sludge
2 Soundwave (orig.)
3 Depth Charge
3 Hooligan
3 Inferno (BW)
4 Cheetor (Transmetal)
4 Quickstrike
4 Silverbolt (BW Fuzor)
4 Tarantulas (Transmetal)
5 Optimus Primal (gorilla)
5 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
5 Sixshot
6 Jetfire (orig.)
6 Megatron (Transmetal)
7 Rampage (BW)
8 Optimal Optimus
Optimal Optimus. He has ARTICULATED HANDS, MAN! He RULES!!!! He's a
tower of Transmetal sweetness!!!!!!!!!!
--Walky
Soundwave. Eject eject eject! He's one of the most poseable G1's and he
holds cassettes, woohoo!
--Soundwave9
BW Rampage. Buy 99 cents worth of army men and have the Ram' go
ballistic.
--Mark Belonio
Optimus Minor! Funky drunken monkey! :)
--Megasomething
Er, as a true TF fan, I must say that I find all TF toys fun to play
with ;)
--DreadWing
You mean you PLAY with your toys?
--HooksX
I love complex transformations, so BWII Galvatron is a lot of fun.
--Marco van Leeuwen
Sixshot. I don't care if he was hard to transform or his joints wasted no
time rusting up. I still love this guy, and don't even get me started on
the time my AD&D-obssessed friend used Sixshot to portray the evil god
Moloch...
--Joe Green
TM Airazor. Wings *down* Rob Powers!! ;)
--Bobbi Carothers
GIMLET: Hey! How come we didn't get any votes?
D.J.: Yes! We are lots of fun!
MOTORARM: Soy mas diversion que Optimus Optimo!
GIMLET: We all are!
D.J.: When was the last time you saw Optimal Optimus go out on a
Saturday night?
GIMLET: When was the last time Optimal Optimus played a guitar?
MOTORARM: O aun un maraca?
GIMLET: Si! When was the last time Optimal Optimus visited Tijuana?
D.J.: And when was the last time Optimal Optimus went looking for
lovely senoritas?
GIMLET: And when was the last time Optimal Optimus visited a bar?
D.J.: And entered a beer-drinking contest?
GIMLET: And won?
MOTORARM: Y desmayado luego y tuvo que ser llevado a casa por sus dos
amigos?
PAUSE for a BEAT as Gimlet and D.J. look at Motorarm in silence.
GIMLET: Um ... that was YOU, Motorarm.
D.J.: Si. And you were heavy, amigo.
GIMLET: MUY heavy.
D.J.: But Optimal Optimus never did that!
MOTORARM: SI!
----------------------------------------
*** The Corporate Piracy Award, for the non-Transformers toy that should
become a Transformers toy
1 Alpha Veritech, Matchbox's Robotech
1 Arachnid Base, Lego
1 AT-ST, Kenner's Star Wars
1 Avalanche, ToyBiz's X-Men
1 Beanie Babies, Ty Toys
1 Beast Planet, Trendmasters' War Planets
1 Borg Sphere (from "Star Trek: First Contact"), Playmates
1 Cabbage Patch Kids, Coleco
1 Cat-bots, Tek Toys
1 "Chaos Effect" dinosaurs, Kenner's Jurassic Park
1 Condor motorcycle/helicopter, Kenner Parker Toys' M.A.S.K.
1 Cy-kill, Tonka GoBots
1 Firefly dune buggy/rocket glider, Kenner Parker Toys' M.A.S.K.
1 GekiRyuJin (cement mixer/dump truck combiner), Takara's GaoGaiGar
1 Giganodragon, Bandai's Dino Zone
1 Great Goldoran, Takara's Brave of Gold
1 Guardion (fire engine/ambulance/police car combiner), Takara's Solar
Hero Firebird
1 Hovertank, Matchbox's Robotech
1 Jay and Silent Bob, Graphitti Designs
1 Land Bison, Takara's Legendary Hero Da Garn
1 "Loco Squad" (train combiner), Leader Shine Entertainment Co.
1 Luke Skywalker, Kenner's Star Wars
1 Macross SDF-1 Space Fortress, Bandai's Robotech
1 Manga Spawn, McFarlane Toys
1 Monsterous, Tonka GoBots
1 Morph "shape shifter," Toy Biz's X-Men
1 Ninja Megazord, Bandai's Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
1 Pincher, Tonka GoBots
1 Pontiac GTO, Ertl's "American Muscle" series
1 Psycho, Tonka GoBots
1 Road Ranger, Tonka GoBots
1 "Road Ready" Donatello, Playmates' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1 Robo-Beast, Tek Toys
1 Robo-Bugs butterfly, Tek Toys
1 RoboCar Squad, Pat. P. Leader
1 Robo-Invaders mosquito, Tek Toys
1 Scorpizoid, Playmates' War Planets
1 Soaron, Mattel's Captain Power
1 Tamagotchi, Bandai
1 Throw-bots, Lego
1 Thundertank, LJN's Thundercats
1 Turbo Zord, Bandai Power Rangers
1 Uranus 5-in-1, unknown
1 USS Enterprise NCC-1701E, Playmates' Star Trek
1 VF-17 Nightmare (Stealth Valkyrie), Bandai's Macross 7
1 Watchman, Takara Microman
1 White Tigerzoid, Bandai's Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
1 Wing Gundam, Bandai's Gundam-W series
1 X-19 Phantom Stealth fighter, Hasbro's G.I. Joe
1 YF-19 Valkyrie, Bandai's Macross Plus
2 Bonaparte Tulcas, Takatoku's Machine Soldier Dorvack (third in
series; first two were released as "Whirl" and "Roadbuster")
2 Cho-Ryu-Shin (fire truck/crane combiner), Takara's GaoGaiGar
2 Deathscythe, Bandai's Gundam W
2 Destroyer, Tonka GoBots
2 GaoGaiGar, Takara's GaoGaiGar
2 Leader-1, Tonka GoBots
2 Puzzler, Tonka GoBots
2 Titanic-bot, Dragon Toys
2 Vehicle Voltron (Voltron I), Matchbox
3 Dancougar, Bandai
3 Deatheater, Bandai's Dinozone
3 Macross 7 Valkyries/Veritechs, Bandai
3 Millenium Falcon, Kenner's Star Wars
4 Alpha Fighter, Matchbox's Robotech (Mospeda's Gakken)
7 Lion Voltron (Voltron III), Trendmasters
Voltron (he has a kickass sword)
--Quincy007
The Morph toy from the X-Men Shape Shifter line. Any toy that looks like
a missile with a rear end on it deserves the Transformers name.
--Picard42
Titanic-bot by some knockoff company, I assume. Hasbro really missed the
boat (urg, sorry) with this one. Just think -- had they licensed this
thing, they could have captured a whole new portion of the market --
teenage girls -- and increased their profits.
(And yes, my tongue is *firmly* planted in my cheek....)
--Phil "SkyJammer" Zeman
That balloon I used as a Quintesson when I was a kid
--Srini Varanasi
How about some of those new Jurassic Park (Hasbro still, I think?)
fuzor-ish toys. They're mixtures of two dinosaurs, and they've got the
garish color schemes already. Just give 'em robot modes! :)
--Velociripper
Dancougar! Five robots that combine into one super dude. Not sure which
company did the toy though.
--Gekisou
The Lego Arachnid Base from 1998 (Set number 6977). The whole series would
work well with the Transformers continuum, it'd be like "The Rebirth" all
over again. But as we can only name one toy, let's go for the biggest.
--Joona I Palaste
Some more Veritechs!
--Gyroscop
Puzzler. The one Gobot toy I ever wanted. 6 really cool super cars merge
into a giant robot. Move over Stunticons!
--Divefire
MOTORARM: Viva Voltron!
GIMLET: Go Voltron force!
D.J.: FORM BLAZING SWORD!
JOINTRONS: OLE'!
APPLAUSE.
GIMLET: Well, amigos, that was the last award ... now it is time
for us to leave.
MOTORARM: Oh, nosotros tuvieron que?
D.J.: Si, si. We must let the others have their turn now.
GIMLET: But it was fun!
D.J.: It was muy fun!
GIMLET: Goodbye, everyone!
D.J.: See you next year!
MOTORARM: VIVA TRANSFORMERS!
[Cut to commercials]
==========================================================================
PART III: TRANSFORMERS MERCHANDISE
From opposite sides of the stage, smaller lights SWIRL as large spotlights
FOLLOW the arrival of two presenters. From stage right comes a short,
STOCKY robot in grey and blue; a DECEPTICON sigil can be seen on his
chest. From stage right is a five-faced QUINTESSON (see ref.), whose
egg-shaped head is supported by a GLOWING light beam and several thin
tentacles.
The two walk to the middle of the stage and TURN TO the audience. They
stand SLIGHTLY apart from one another, as if unwilling to get close.
CHOLATIN: Good evening, humans. I am Magestrate Judge Cholatin,
representing the Inner Chamber of the Quintessons.
STRAXUS: And I am Straxus, Decepticon Lord of Polyhex.
The Quintesson's head ROTATES, switching to a new face with a WHIRR and a
CLICK.
CHOLATIN: (*whirr*-click) We are here tonight to present the Trannie
awards for excellence in Transformers-related merchandise.
STRAXUS: A role which I find HIGHLY insulting! It is an OUTRAGE for
a Decepticon of my caliber to be selected for such a minor
category! Why wasn't *I* presenting for the toy category,
which has three times as many awards?
CHOLATIN: If it bothers you, (*whirr*-click) then you should take your
grievance with Robert immediately.
STRAXUS: And give up my spot in tonight's show? Never!
*** Best Merchandise Item of All Time
1 Autobot Agent pack
1 Bedsheets
1 Blanket/comforter
1 Breakfast tray
1 "Bumblebee to the Rescue" coloring book
1 Commodore 64 computer game
1 Elita-1 vinyl model kit
1 Halloween costumes
1 Jetfire glass art panel
1 Megatron AM radio wireless microphone
1 Metalforce Optimus Prime
1 "Mystery of Comvoy" video game (Japanese; for the Nintendo Famicom)
1 Pajamas
1 Party napkins/plates/cups
1 Pencil toppers
1 Ravage money pouch/wallet
1 Ravage/Ultra Magnus pencil case
1 School folders
1 Skids money pouch/wallet
1 Skywarp soap dish
1 Sleep-in tent
1 Sleeping bag
1 Sliding puzzle (Soundwave)
1 Soundwave design center
1 Soundwave mask voice changer
1 Soundwave tape player
1 Starscream inflatable lounge-in
1 Super Hybrid Galvatron (Botcon Japan '97 exclusive)
1 Trailbreaker transforming Big Wheel
1 Transformers stamp set books
1 Transformers: The Movie poster (Japanese)
1 Transformers: The Movie videotape
1 Ultra Magnus toothbrush
1 Underoos underwear
1 Warren activity center
1 Wheeljack doorbell
2 Autobot sigil patch (free with TF UK #61)
2 Decepticon electronic voice changer
2 Optimus Prime cookie jar
2 S.T.A.R.S. cardboard Autobot base
2 Shrinky-Dinks
2 Trading cards
2 Transformers bed sheets
2 Transformers carrying case
2 Transformers: The Movie laserdisc
2 Transformers: The Movie sticker book
2 Tyco/Scaletrix electric racing set
3 Cartoon videotapes
3 Optimus Prime punching bag
3 Sticker books
4 'Til All Are One (BotCon '97 CDs)
5 Beast Wars computer/video game
5 Transformers: The Movie soundtrack
6 Comic books
8 Lunchboxes
The Transformers lunch box was so cool. What kid in the 80's DIDN'T have
one? The artwork on it was incredible... ::drool::
--Springer
Uh, I have this cool Soundwave slide-puzzle. I vote for that.
--Windchaser
The Megatron AM radio microphone. You don't want to know what I paid for
this....
--Raksha
[Why do I suspect the answer is somewhere along the lines of, "More than I
paid for my computer"?]
Movie Soundtrack. My favorite songs for the past 12 years!
--Srini Varanasi
The Wheeljack Doorbell. It's such a nutty invention that it's ironic
Wheeljack's face is slapped on it.
--Dalmatian
Well, the videos, of course. Duh.
--Windstorm
The Transformers bed sheets. I still sleep with them to this day (hold
the wisecracks, you).
--Picard42
STRAXUS: So what makes you so special, anyway?
CHOLATIN: Foolish robot! (*whirr*-click) We Quintessons are the
secret masters of Cybertron! We are the ones who created
you and your kind millions of years ago.
STRAXUS: Really? Odd that I haven't seen any of you before. I'm
sure I would have remembered shooting a five-faced freak
like yourself.
CHOLATIN: (*whirr*-click) Brutish barbarian! We were forced off
Cybertron by your ancestors. But now we have returned,
waging our secret schemes to retake the planet and enslave
you all!
STRAXUS: (nonplussed) Right...
----------------------------------------
*** Worst Merchandise Item of All Time
1 Activity books
1 Ball puzzles
1 Beast Wars Convoy pop-up barrel puzzle (Japan)
1 Beast Wars Second yo-yo
1 Beast Wars video game
1 BotCon '96 T-shirt
1 "Find Your Fate" books
1 Generation 2 coloring books
1 Inflatable Starscream lounge-in
1 Inflatable Unicron promotional hanger ("beach ball")
1 Metalforce Optimus Prime
1 Optimus Prime eraser
1 Optimus Prime punching bag
1 Optimus Prime suitcase
1 Optimus Prime walkie-talkies
1 Pencils
1 Placemat
1 "Satellite of Doom" Listen 'n Look book/audio tape
1 "Search for Convoy" video game (Famicom)
1 Shrinky-Dinks
1 Stamp Bots
1 Starscream inflatable lounge-in
1 Sticker albums
1 Sunglasses
1 "The Autobot Smasher" coloring book
1 "The Great Car Rally," Marvel book/audio tape
1 Transformers sneakers
1 Ultra Magnus electronic voice synthesizer
2 Candies/sweets
2 Car-tune audio tapes
2 Decoys
2 Kid Stuff Records & Tapes read-along books/audio tapes/records
2 Ladybird Books read-along books/audio tapes
2 Lunchboxes
2 Optimus Prime slippers
4 Party balloons/hats
4 Party napkins/plates/cups
8 Optimus Prime Oral Care station
14 Underoos underwear
Transformer Undies. The whole point is for people to SEE you're a
Transfan... or did they plan on eight-year-olds getting undressed in front
of people a lot? (Eww...)
--Eliot Lefebvre
Oh my... long thought here... Oooh. The storybook with the car race, and
Optimus sans-mouthplate, and Cliffjumper with eyes in his headlights.
--Hooper_X
Last year I chose Undroos. This year I choose the BEAST WARS II Yo-Yo by
Takara. Talk about jumping on a fad! What does a yo-yo have to do with
Transformers anyway? Unless they consider the action of a yo-yo to be in
continual transformation?
OPTIMUS PRIME: All right Autobots! ROLL OUT! ROLL IN! ROLL OUT! ROLL
IN! WALK THE DOG! AROUND THE WORLD!
--ArkNorth
Optimus Prime slippers *shudder*
--Wonko the Sane
Decoys. How boring are they?
--Goktimus Prime
[Where's Dave Van Domelen when you need him?]
Optimus Prime Oral Care station. This is just gross. Who wants Optimus
Prime probing their mouth? Definetly not me!
--Doug Kern
Car-tune's Audio tapes: When Continents Collide/Satellite of Doom with
western Prime and Mumra Megatron.
--Megatron Girl
The Optimus punching bag. Who would punch Prime?
--Gyroscop
[You're new around here, aren't you? B-]
STRAXUS: Foolish human! I'd GLADLY punch Optimus Prime anytime!
CHOLATIN: Yes, Decepticon. (*whirr*-click) But I believe the human
was asking why OTHER humans would punch Optimus Prime.
STRAXUS: Eh? What's the difference? Wouldn't humans want to punch
Optimus Prime anyway?
CHOLATIN: No, because he is helping them.
STRAXUS: Helping them? How? By making long pompous speeches?
CHOLATIN: (mutters) ...cheap military processors...
----------------------------------------
*** Funniest Merchandise Item of All Time
1 3D Starscream puzzle
1 Autobot sunglasses
1 Beast Wars Second "beast change" model kits
1 Beast Wars Second sausage snacks
1 Bumper stickers
1 "Call of the Primitives"/"The Girl Who Loved Powerglide" videotape
1 Inflatable Unicron promotional hanger ("beach ball")
1 Megatron AM radio wireless microphone
1 Megatron glow-in-the-dakr pajamas
1 Megatron gumball bank
1 My First Transformers
1 Optimus Prime Stamp Bot
1 Skywarp soap dish
1 Soundwave drawing/design center
1 Soundwave tape player
1 Sunglasses
1 Super Deformed Convoy
1 Takotank bubble bath
1 Transformers Ladybird story books and tapes
1 Transformers play tent
1 Transformers: The Movie sticker album
1 TV Magazine cardboard-assembly Transformers
1 Ultra Magnus electronic voice synthesizer
1 Walkie-talkies
1 Wheeljack doorbell
2 Decepto-pack disguise kit
2 Erasers
2 Optimus Prime bubble blower ("Squeeze and Blow")
2 Rock'em Sock'em Robots (Optimus Prime and Megatron)
4 Optimus Prime cookie jar
4 Optimus Prime punching bag
5 Underoos underwear
6 Optimus Prime slippers
7 Inflatable Starscream lounge-in
16 Optimus Prime Oral Care station
Optimus Prime Electric toothbrush. "Fight cavities with Optimus Prime"??
--Robert Powers
The video release of 'Call of the Primitives/The Girl Who loved
Powerglide'. The best and worst individual episodes together!
--Tim Roll-Pickering
[Hey, some of us *LIKE* that episode...]
Those put-them-together Japanese cardboard transformers that appear in 'TV
Magazine'!
--Gekisou
Starscream float/hobby horse/life-presever thingy ... Just like a
Starscream blow-up doll!
--Jon Wilkie
Optimus Prime bop bag. "Now you too can relive a TFs legend and beat
Optimus to death ... but wait, he *bounces* to life again to fight back!
--Black Zarak
Does the script from the BotCon reading count? That was hysterical.
--Playground Psychotic
Has to be the Squeeze and Blow Prime. Talk about symbolism! The figure is
Prime with a hollow head full of bubbles that's twice the normal
proportions. I laughed for a week when I saw this one.
--Skyflight
CHOLATIN: These humans have a (*whirr*-click) strange preoccupation
with oral-related products, it appears. I wonder why?
STRAXUS: I wouldn't know...
CHOLATIN: Ah, yes -- I forgot, you SRX-300 series don't come equipped
with mouthal units.
STRAXUS: "Mouthal units"...?
----------------------------------------
*** The Stoned-Out Marketeers Award, for the strangest merchandise item
ever made
1 Beast Wars mutating card game
1 Beast Wars skateboard
1 Commodore 64 video game
1 Decepto-pack disguise kit
1 Electronic voice changer (red robot head)
1 Galvatron soap dish
1 Jetfire glass art panel
1 "My First Radio"
1 My First Transformers
1 Optimus Prime Halloween costume
1 Optimus Prime punching bag
1 Optimus Prime soap
1 Rock'em Sock'em Robots (Optimus Prime and Megatron)
1 S.T.A.R.S. cardboard Autobot base
1 Soundwave eraser
1 Starscream zipper clip
1 Sunglasses
1 Trailbreaker transformable Big Wheel
1 Transfer stickers
1 Transformers Ladybird story book/tape adaptation of the movie
1 Transformers lamp
1 Tyco train set
1 Wallet
2 Megatron gumball bank
2 Optimus Prime bubble blower
2 Soundwave drawing/design center
3 Inflatable Starscream lounge-in
3 Optimus Prime slippers
3 Ultra Magnus electronic voice synthesizer
3 Underoos underwear
3 Wheeljack doorbell
5 Optimus Prime cookie jar
16 Optimus Prime Oral Care station
The Optimus Prime Oral Care Station ... plus, in this kooky year, that
name takes on an additional wrinkle >:)
--Ari X
Hmm.... That mail order cardboard base thingie... I didn't see the pupose
of it. Although I did have it set up nicley on my bedroom desk.
--ZetaCro