[SCENE: Interior of a small studio apartment somewhere in Hollywood. The
room is a disorganized mess, with dirty clothing strewn on various pieces
of furniture. Old pizza boxes and crumpled potato chip bags lie about the
floor, along with cans of assorted beers and colas. Spread around the
room are three men in their early twenties. Each of them is sitting
behind a computer, working away.]
ALAN: Dude.
ZIPPO: Yeah?
ALAN: Not you, dude. Like, the other dude.
DIGIWIZ: Yo.
ALAN: Wasn't there something we were, like, supposed to be doing?
[DigiWiz ponders for a moment.]
DIGIWIZ: Nope.
ALAN: Oh. Okay.
[The three go back to work.]
ZIPPO: Aw, $#%+!
ALAN: Dude?
ZIPPO: I got fragged again!
DIGIWIZ: The geek in Dallas?
ZIPPO: Yeah.
ALAN: Bummer.
ZIPPO: Ahh, screw it. I gotta get back to work.
DIGIWIZ: (incredulous) "Work"?
ZIPPO: Yeah, I got a job to do the opening titles for the Trannies.
ALAN: The whatsies?
DIGIWIZ: Oh, the Trannies! That robot show thing!
ZIPPO: Yeah.
DIGIWIZ: Cool! I like those toys.
ALAN: How much you paid, dude?
ZIPPO: Not a lot.
ALAN: Cheapskate?
ZIPPO: Diaper bill.
DIGIWIZ: Ouch.
ZIPPO: It's okay, the guy's gonna let me borrow one of his toy
robots. Something called "Victory Saber." I'm gonna model it
and use the render for a Levi's commercial next month.
ALAN: Kewl.
DIGIWIZ: I've got the stuff I did for the Oscars on my G4. Want it?
ZIPPO: I dunno. The guy said he wanted something "different."
ALAN: From, like, what?
ZIPPO: The previous stuff.
[Alan and DigiWiz get out of their seats and move behind Zippo, who plays
video clips of the previous years' Trannies titles on his screen.]
ZIPPO: See what I mean?
DIGIWIZ: Not bad, but the whole rock-music-and-fast-cut-clips stuff is
very twentieth century.
ALAN: Yeah.
DIGIWIZ: Did he give you any other ideas?
ZIPPO: Well ... this year's Trannies also features a bunch of female
robots.
ALAN: Helloooooooooo nurse!
ZIPPO: That's what I thought too. But...
[Zippo works with his computer, and shows several pictures to the others.]
ALAN: You ain't kidding, dude.
DIGIWIZ: Some of these are pretty kawaii, but the others...
ZIPPO: Ripley?
DIGIWIZ: Yeah. They'd be great for an "Iron Maiden" cover, but there's
no way you can put them all in the same scene.
ALAN: Not without, like, a brain hernia.
ZIPPO: Yeah. That's why I haven't finished it yet. I'm still stuck
for an idea.
[The three ponder in silence for a moment.]
DIGIWIZ: Here's an idea ... you think this Trannies guy would believe
it if you told him that your title clip is an "avant-garde,
post-moderist" work-of-art-type crap?
ZIPPO: Hmmmm. Probably. Especially if I deliver it just before the
deadline.
ALAN: Clutch time, dude!
ZIPPO: Yeah. Whaddaya had in mind?
DIGIWIZ: Why not just jump in with a simple smash cut?
THE 1999
TTTTTTTTT RRRRRRRR AAAA NNN NNN NNN NNN III EEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSS
TTT RRR RRR AAAAAA NNNN NNN NNNN NNN III EEE SSS
TTT RRR RRRR AAAAAA NNNNN NNN NNNNN NNN III EEEEEEE SSSSSS
TTT RRR RRR AAA AAA NNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNN III EEE SSS
TTT RRR RRR AAA AAA NNN NNNN NNN NNNN III EEE SSS
TTT RRR RRR AAA AAAAAA NNN NNN NNN NNN III EEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSS
Where the results are always more than meets the eye!
[Hold for a few seconds, after which the title fades away, revealing a
large, brightly-lit indoor stage. Assorted crystalline shafts decorate
the rear of the stage, while a transparent podium stands in the center.
No other decorations can be seen.
As the applause dies down, two female robots step out from stage left.
The first is cast in dark blue, with a ponytail running down past her
waist and wings on her back. Her companion is slightly shorter, with a
white body punctuated by splashes of green, yellow, and aqua.]
D. ANGEL: HAH! We did it! We did it! WE DID IT!
SEAWAVE: (winces) Aghhhh ... Okay, we get the point already. Settle
down, okay?
D. ANGEL: But WE DID IT!
SEAWAVE: I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm ready to make an
exception for you.
D. ANGEL: Okay, okay, sheesh...
(to audience)
Hi, everybody, and welcome to the 1999 Trannies! I'm Dark
Angel, leader of Femmes Unite, the female Transformers fan
club!
SEAWAVE: And I'm Seawave, medic and healer.
D. ANGEL: And the reason we're up here tonight is that we femmes are
hosting tonight's show!
SEAWAVE: Shouldn't that be "hostessing"?
D. ANGEL: I don't know -- I'm an ex-bounty hunter, not an ex-English
teacher!
SEAWAVE: And you might end up ex-leader if this turns into a fiasco.
D. ANGEL: That's not gonna happen.
SEAWAVE: Oh, no? Remember, Robert might not be hosting this thing
tonight, but he's still writing all of our lines and actions.
Which means he's completely capable of making us look like
idiots if he thinks it'll be funny.
D. ANGEL: He won't do that! ...will he?
SEAWAVE: Look at what happened to Rattrap last year.
D. ANGEL: Oh, .
[A metallic sphere with two spindly arms and a single eye floats out from
stage right.]
D. DRONE: Actually, ladies, I can assure you that WON'T happen.
D. ANGEL: Who're you?
D. DRONE: I am Megatron's personal Diagnostic Drone. And I have been
assigned tonight as a co-host, in order to -- and I quote --
"keep those gals from running amok."
D. ANGEL: We don't need a babysitter!
SEAWAVE: SOME of us don't, at least.
D. DRONE: Nevertheless, I am here. And I can assure you that Robert has
no intention of embarassing the femmes on tonight's show...
D. ANGEL: That's good.
D. DRONE: ...except for Dark Angel.
D. ANGEL: WHAT?! Why me?
SEAWAVE: Because YOU'RE the one who nagged him into having us here. Am
I right?
D. DRONE: Precisely.
D. ANGEL: (muttering) ...I'm gonna kill him...
SEAWAVE: (smirks) I think you've done enough already.
---------------------------------------
D. DRONE: I hate to interrupt this witty repartee, but we do have a show
to perform.
[The Diagnostic Drone gestures with one hand. From backstage, a series of
hexagonal display panels float out, then assemble behind the hosts into a
large video screen.]
SEAWAVE: You have to give Beast Machines some credit; they've got
all those wonderful toys.
D. DRONE: Quite.
D. ANGEL: So what happens now?
SEAWAVE: Didn't you get a copy of the script?
D. ANGEL: What script?
D. DRONE: I'll take that as a "no."
D. ANGEL: (muttering) ...I'm gonna kill him...
SEAWAVE: (to audience) Yes, well, this year's Trannies featured
ballots from ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-THREE voters, the most
ever!
D. DRONE: An increase of 12.33763% voters over last year's, and an
impressive 224.675325% over the first Trannies in 1996.
D. ANGEL: Are you sure you don't have Shockwave's spark in there?
SEAWAVE: So, who were the voters?
D. DRONE: Thank you for asking, Seawave. The fans who participated in
this year's Trannies are, in alphabetical order:
Aaron Bourque (AFBOURQUE@AOL.COM)
Aftershock (egilbert@kih.net)
Air_Raid (teletran3@geocities.com)
Allan [Weapon X] Liangco (QSBA19A@prodigy.com)
Andrew Alvarez (highlander3000@earthlink.net)
Andrew Crane (Andrew@cybertron.prestel.co.uk)
Ari X (AriX@aol.com)
Artemis (raditz13@hotmai.com)
Astrotrain (sferia@acsu.buffalo.edu)
AtomBomb (MangaFool@aol.com)
Avias (avias@boston.quik.com)
Aziraphale (tdhamann@xoommail.com)
Beachcomber (gambitj@home.com)
Beast Warrior RatBat (bwratbat@geocities.com)
Ben "Prowlus" Anthony Foong (Bfoong@hotmail.com)
Billy Wade (wpw1@ocean.ucc.ie)
Black Zarak (Zarak@csolve.net)
Blue-Jackal (Anni@warriorprincess.demon.co.uk)
Bobbi Carothers (carother@psych.rochster.edu)
Brax Cardigan (cicero@students.uiuc.edu)
Brian Kilby (kilby316@abts.net)
Bryan Furukawa (BKeiF36@hotmail.com)
BumbleBrawn (MLA@bigpond.com)
Charles Calhoun (c.calhoun@mindspring.com)
Charlotte Brogden (cbrogden@s054.aone.net.au)
Cheetor (jagslick10@aol.com)
Chief (chief_120@hotmail.com)
Chris Bradshaw (mncowmobl1@aol.com)
Corbett Owen (corbett_owen@my-Deja.com)
Cyclonus (via Madoc55@hotmail.com)
Dacoma (dacoma@igrin.co.nz)
Daff (daff@beer.com)
Dalmatian (Dal@prairie.ca)
Dan Khanna (artguy101@earthlink.net)
Daniel "Mono" McCollum (crooooow@hotmail.com)
Daria 'Ratbat' Sigma (udsigma@yahoo.com)
Dark Angel (Darcerin@hotmail.com)
DarkClaw (piccolo255@hotmail.com)
Darzonique (LrdJhiaxus@aol.com)
Dave "Zobovor" Edwards (zobovor@aol.com)
David "Walky" Willis (wiigii@hotmail.com)
David (david@12stars.freeserve.co.uk)
Defcon (sblou@videotron.ca)
Doug Kern (dkern2@idt.net)
Dragonclaw (dragonclaw@westman.wave.ca)
Dunga (dunganor@hotmail.com)
Echo|Fox (slush@v-wave.com)
Eliot Lefebvre (eltf@hotmail.com)
Ellen Brand (brandj@eznet.net)
Erik Larson (delserik@aol.com)
evebird (briannsarah@earthlink.net)
Finback (goodmr@ses.curtin.edu.au)
FlameStrike (flamestrike@aol.com)
Freds Workshop (futuristgroup@geocities.com)
Galvaclaw64 (Alloran2@aol.com)
GB (gb_me_@hotmail.com)
Greg Bishansky (Madoc55@hotmail.com)
guy-jin (guyvf@usa.net)
Harri Jokinen (nero2000@artic.net)
Havoc (tyhicks@arkansas.net)
Heli (tflora@duke.edu)
HooksX (hooksx@gte.net)
Hooper_X (EmarZero@aol.com)
HotRodimus (Hotrodimus6@aol.com)
Iacon (iacon@sympatico.ca)
James Moar (jwm1@st-and.ac.uk)
Jasper van den Brink (starscream54@hotmail.com)
Jim Lee (jimlee@princeton.edu)
Jlvatron (jlvatron@my-deja.com)
Joe Green (TVsGrady@aol.com)
John DeLuna (jmdeluna@cst.net)
Joona I Palaste (palaste@cc.helsinki.fi)
Jorgen Lid Widing (jlw@nextel.no)
Joseph Bardsley (jhiaxus85@hotmail.com)
Kal Mal (CYYUNG11@aol.com)
Kevin J. Guhl (ironheart@earthlink.net)
Lara "Blacklight" Hoffman (saikolara@fuse.net)
Lars Eriksson (groundsplitter@swipnet.se)
Laurie Edwards (endora60@aol.com)
M "XXXXX" Sipher (msipher@mindspring.com)
Mad-Max-MFP (madmaxmfp@hotmail.com)
Magmatron (Magmatron@Destron.org)
Marc Graham (Krypto@Clara.co.uk)
Mardhen Bravo (mdbravo@mailcity.com)
Master Shrink (MasterShrink@aol.com)
Mattias and Andreas Matz (goldstone@telia.com)
Max Fauth (jinas_99@yahoo.com)
MCat (MCat711@aol.com)
Metallitron (m_meyer@usa.net)
Michael "Cicadacon" Yashinski (cicadacon@hotmail.com)
Mike Boyle (magnus@mc.net)
Mirage (MirageTF@hotmail.com)
Mischa Gelman (megst19+@pitt.edu)
Mojo Working (carter_jh@yahoo.com)
Moogbot (valve23@gte.net)
Neo J. Menasor (Neomenasor@aol.com)
Nimrod Peer (It_me@surfree.net.il)
OptimalOptimus (prowl1@sprint.ca)
Outtsyder (excellence-execution@excite.com)
Patrick Wade (wadep@ocean.ucc.ie)
Paul Frawley (crawf9@hotmail.com)
Perceptor Prime (jferreira@mediaone.net)
PerceptorTFWW (goliej@rpi.edu)
Philip N. Zeman (pzeman@skyjammer.com)
Phillip Thorne (pethorne@earthlink.net)
Picard42 (mmr146@psu.edu)
Playground Psychotic (tenorguitr@psnw.com)
Polaris (tffan@mailcity.com)
Pyre[Rock] (therock@rica.net)
Raksha (Raksha@plumed-serpent.com)
Recharge (Dweezil33@hotmail.com)
Red Dragon AuraThunder Ranger Aaron Hong (kaenlee@hotmail.com)
Retrax (jwilkie@gapcdr.com)
RhinfernoX (RhinfernoX@aol.com)
Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au)
Robert Powers (repowers@netaxs.com)
Robowang (Robowang@aol.com)
Rohow (Grand_Admiral_Rohow@worldnet.att.net)
Rumble (Rumble39@hotmail.com)
Saberwind (saberwind@saberwind.com)
Saudade (transformers.en@puertorico.com)
Scarab (Scarab8006@aol.com)
Scott E. Kampa (sekampa@hotmail.com)
Sean (sean9@lineone.net)
Seawave (kitt1@ihug.com.au)
Seth (s4tg@seth.freeserve.co.uk)
Shadow Star (shadow_star@hotmail.com)
Shadow_Contact (Shadow_Contact@yahoo.com)
Shatter (shatter@prodigy.net)
Shifty (Shifty02@hotmail.com)
Silverbolt (silverbolt@os.telia.no)
Skyflight (Skyflight@Decepticon-Empire.org)
Sonya (phalanxgrimlock@yahoo.com)
Spectra (dballantyne@yahoo.com)
Springer (sprngfn@aol.com)
Srini Varanasi (svaranas@ic.sunysb.edu)
Stacy "White Dove" Shamblin (Slvrmist10@aol.com)
Stanley Lui (marauder@softhome.net)
Stickshift (blcjke@midwest.net)
Supremus (ricosantos@zipmail.com.br)
Suspsy (suspsy2@aol.com)
Suzanne M. Ferree (suz@cyberspace.org)
SwiftEagle (lipkowit@i-2000.com)
Swoop (swoop@northcote.demon.co.uk)
T.J. "Perceptor" Fosko (fosko@artelco.com)
Terje Birkedal (Birkedal@Excite.com)
The Hitman (hitman@swipnet.se)
The Masked Bastich (mbastich@hotmail.com)
Thylacine 2000 (greenb@fas.harvard.edu)
Tigerpaw28 (Tigerpaw28@hotmail.com)
Tim Roll-Pickering (tr3@ukc.ac.uk)
Tony Li (PrimeSaber@hotmail.com)
Track Attack (track-attack@mountainzone.net)
Tut (dnb001@beta.latech.edu)
TV's Optimus (CALHOBB95@aol.com)
TW Cool (twcool@netzero.net)
Ty Stalnaker (TyGator@aol.com)
Tykus the Gladiator (tykus_gladiator@yahoo.com)
Unicron (amobley@neo.rr.com)
ViceGripX (orioneos@sprynet.com)
Vicken (wheeljack@mad.scientist.com)
WarWolf (warwolf@my-deja.com)
Wavelength (wavelength8@hotmail.com)
White Cat (white_cat@white-cat.net)
William Rendfeld (WARendfeld@aol.com)
Windchaser (windchaser@telia.com)
Winterblast (sara@netcom.ca)
wormgp (Deleted upon request)
Xiphos (xiphos@rahul.net)
Yakko Tank (yakko2564@aol.com)
ZacWilliam (Zachary_William@Hotmail.com)
Zinou (Transmetal_Hyena@postmark.net)
D. ANGEL: I'm glad I didn't have to read all that.
D. DRONE: Being a tireless servant does have its advantages.
---------------------------------------
SEAWAVE: I'm just glad Rob got rid of the whole "disallowed votes"
idea this year.
D. ANGEL: Yeah, that was stupid!
D. DRONE: Succinctly put. In comparison, this year's idea of allowing
multiple votes in certain categories seems to have been met
with universal approval.
D. ANGEL: How does that work, anyway?
D. DRONE: When a voter submits a ballot with multiple entries, the
first entry gets three points, the second entry gets two
points, and the third entry gets one.
SEAWAVE: And whoever gets the most points wins.
D. ANGEL: Like, duh.
---------------------------------------
SEAWAVE: What I like the most about the Trannies are all the funny
comments.
D. DRONE: Indeed. Even though we can only show a small portion of
those quips tonight, I've been asked to thank all of the
voters for their quips. Your witticisms are greatly
appreciated.
D. ANGEL: I haven't see any of them.
SEAWAVE: That was after the briefing meeting. You left early because
you were bored, remember?
D. ANGEL: Yeah, but it WAS boring.
SEAWAVE: So the rest of us got a preview of the Trannies while you were
playing kissy-face with Knight in the bathroom.
D. ANGEL: I was not!
D. DRONE: Actually, I believe they were in the broom closet at the time.
D. ANGEL: HEY!
SEAWAVE: In any case, dear, you also missed the unofficial "who's got
the longest 'free-for-all' entry" contest.
D. ANGEL: Uh-oh ... are Joona and Eliot at it AGAIN?
SEAWAVE: Yep.
D. DRONE: And Playground Psychotic has, how shall I say, "super-sized"
his entry as well.
D. ANGEL: No wonder this show takes forever to get through.
SEAWAVE: Hey, if it takes forever to count 'em...
---------------------------------------
D. ANGEL: This isn't fair -- you two get all the good lines, while I'm
stuck without a script, sounding like a complete dork.
[Pause.]
SEAWAVE: No, that's TOO easy.
D. DRONE: If you wish for something to do, then perhaps you can read
this to the audience.
[The Diagnostic Drone produces an electronic stylus, taps briefly on it,
then offers it to Dark Angel.]
D. ANGEL: Ohhhhhhhhhh no! I'm not falling for that! I'm not gonna read
it and end up saying something that makes me look stupid!
SEAWAVE: (chuckles) Still too easy...
D. DRONE: Very well, then I shall read it. "Thank you, everyone, for
attending tonight. We have a great show planned, so sit back,
relax, and enjoy the Trannies!"
[The Diagnostic Drone bows.]
D. ANGEL: That's it?
D. DRONE: That's it.
D. ANGEL: I should have read that!
SEAWAVE: Too late now.
D. ANGEL: No, it's not too late! Gimme that!
D. DRONE: I think we have to cut to a commercial break.
D. ANGEL: that! (to audience) "Thanks, everybody, we have--"
[Cut to commercials.]
(Dark Angel appears courtesy of Erin Darcy. Seawave appears courtesy of
Tanya Dean.)
==========================================================================
PART I: CHARACTERS
[As the lights come up, two female robots step out from opposite sides of
the stage. The first one, from stage left, is of a somewhat stocky but
muscular build, and cast primarily in violet, blue, and silver. Metallic
bands rim her head and face, and she walks out with a regal step.
The second robot, from stage right, is a bit taller and slender in build.
She is painted in white and sky blue, save for a red Autobot sigil on her
right forearm. Hundreds of metal strips along her body give the
appearance of feathers, and two large white wings adorn her back.
Both robots step to the center podium and wordlessly greet each other. As
the Diagnostic Drone floats out onstage, the two femmes turn towards the
audience.]
RAZORSHARP: Greetings, everyone. I am Lady Razorsharp.
WHITE DOVE: And ah'm White Dove. Nice ta meet'cha, Raz.
RAZORSHARP: And I to you, Lady White Dove.
WHITE DOVE: Ah, just call me Dove. Us femmes are suppos'ta be one big
family, right?
RAZORSHARP: Perhaps. But not all families are happy.
WHITE DOVE: Don' be such a gloombot, gal!
RAZORSHARP: I am fine. (to audience) We are here tonight to present
the Trannies for the character-based awards.
D. DRONE: Would you care to announce the first winner, Lady
Razorsharp?
WHITE DOVE: G'wan, dear -- let's start the fun!
RAZORSHARP: Very well...
*** Absolutely the Most Favorite Character of All Time
1 Air Raid
1 Arcee
1 Beta
1 Cliffjumper
1 D.J. (Beast Wars Second)
1 Devastator
1 Firestar (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Gears
1 Hound
1 Ironhide
1 Kup
1 Lightspeed
1 Misfire
1 Punch/Counterpunch
1 Rewind
1 Unicron
1 Wreck-Gar
2 Airazor
2 Bluestreak
2 Doubledealer
2 Long Haul
2 Motormaster
2 Nightglider
2 Octopunch
2 Powerglide
2 Scorponok (BW)
2 Scorponok (orig.)
2 Scourge (BW)
2 Sixshot
2 Skull (Headmasters)
2 Snapdragon
2 Star Saber (Victory)
2 Terrorsaur
2 Thrust (BM)
2 Tigatron
2 Trailbreaker
3 Astrotrain
3 Blitzwing
3 Buzzclaw
3 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
3 Dinobot 2
3 Fortress Maximus (Headmasters)
3 Holi (Victory)
3 Ramjet
3 Rumble
3 Saberback (Beast Wars Neo)
3 Silverbolt (orig.)
3 Skids
3 Sky Lynx
3 Snarl
3 Sureshot
3 Swindle
3 Tankor
3 Tantrum
3 Tarantulas
3 Tracks
3 Transmutate
3 Victory Leo (Victory)
3 Warpath
4 Bruticus
4 Ironhide (orig.)
4 Smokescreen (orig.)
5 Inferno (BW)
5 Omega Supreme
5 Rhinox
5 Thunderwing
6 Blaster
6 Bludgeon
6 Brawn
6 Ravage
6 Wheeljack
7 Bumblebee
7 Depth Charge
7 Nightbeat
7 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
7 Perceptor
7 Ratchet
7 Silverbolt (BW)
7 Springer
8 Optimus Primal/Optimal Optimus
8 Skywarp
9 Beachcomber
9 Death's Head
9 Mirage (orig.)
10 Blackarachnia
11 Cheetor
11 Jazz
11 Jetstorm (BM)
13 Swoop
14 Ultra Magnus
15 Jetfire/Skyfire
16 Prowl (orig.)
17 Shockwave
19 Rampage (BW)
24 Cyclonus
25 Galvatron (orig.)
28 Rattrap
29 Waspinator
34 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
38 Dinobot
43 Grimlock
43 Megatron (orig.)
44 Megatron (BW)
47 Soundwave
62 Starscream (orig.)
129 Optimus Prime
Optimus Prime -- and I'm not making any excuses this year.
--PerceptorTFWW
Swindle dagnabit! And I'd better see more votes for him this year! The
only truly original character (by the times standards) in G1
--Recharge
Every year I debate over whether Soundwave or Cyclonus is my absolute
favorite. They've both got a serious attitude, cool voices, and pretty
spiffy toys. In the end, Cyclonus wins out yet again because of his
Spaceship of Doom transformation. Well, that and the fact that he's
purple.
--Dave "Zobovor" Edwards
Great - now I'll be awake all night debating with myself on the merits of
each character..
--Finback
Bludgeon - all fear the powers of Metallikato, which Bludgeon probably
made up.
--Brax Cardigan
It's got to be Sabreback. Clever, big-gun-wielding, "evil" (According to
Takara) and he's got Big Giant Shoulderpads!! What more could you want?
--Magmatron
Call me nuts, but.. Isn't this by definition a single-answer only
question?
--Skyflight
I can only pick three? What do you mean I can only pick three!?
--Wavelength
[That's why.]
WHITE DOVE: Awww-right! Score one for Praime!
RAZORSHARP: Yes, Lord Optimus is a worthy recipient of this award.
WHITE DOVE: "Worthy recipient"? Aw, c'mon, gal -- ya c'n cut loose
more'n that!
RAZORSHARP: I am not one for frivolity, Lady ... Dove.
WHITE DOVE: Someone's gonna have ta teach ya how ta have fun, dear.
D. DRONE: THIS ought to prove interesting.
---------------------------------------
*** Favorite Character(s), any Faction(s)
1 Abominus
1 Afterburner (G2)
1 Air Raid
1 Apeface (Japanese version)
1 Arcee
1 Bantor
1 B'Boom
1 Black Zarak (Masterforce)
1 Blot
1 Blurr
1 Bombshell
1 Brawl
1 Browning (Masterforce)
1 Carnivac
1 Chromedome
1 Cloudraker
1 Cutthroat
1 Death's Head
1 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
1 Dirge
1 Doublecross
1 Doubledealer
1 Dragstrip
1 Dreadwing (G2)
1 Eagle Eye (G2)
1 Elita-One (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Fastlane
1 Firestar
1 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
1 Gears
1 Ginrai (Masterforce)
1 Goryu (Victory)
1 Guzzle
1 Headstrong
1 Highbrow
1 Hoist
1 Hook
1 Hooligan
1 Hubcap
1 Impactor (from the UK comics)
1 Kakuryu (Victory)
1 Kup
1 Lightspeed (orig.)
1 LioConvoy (Beast Wars Second)
1 LioJunior (Beast Wars Second)
1 Long Haul
1 Mega Zarak (Masterforce)
1 Minerva (Masterforce)
1 Moonracer (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Mudslinger
1 Needlenose
1 Octopunch
1 Predaking
1 Pyro/Spark
1 Quake
1 Quickmix
1 Quickswitch
1 Rad
1 Ramhorn
1 Repugnus
1 Rippersnapper
1 Rollout
1 Rotorstorm
1 Saberback (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Scattershot
1 Scrounge (from Transformers #18)
1 Scuba (Beast Wars Second)
1 Silverbolt (orig.)
1 Sinnertwin
1 Siren
1 Sizzle
1 Skids
1 Skydive
1 Skyfall
1 Skyjack
1 Snapdragon (orig.)
1 Snapdragon (Japanese version)
1 Squawktalk
1 Star Saber (Victory)
1 Sunstreaker
1 Tailwind
1 Terradive
1 Terragator
1 Threadshot
1 Thrust (orig.)
1 Thunderclash
1 Topspin
1 Tote
1 Trypticon
1 Twin Twist
1 Unicron
1 Victory Leo (Victory)
1 Victory Saber (Victory)
1 Vroom
1 Windrazor (G2)
2 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
2 Blitzwing
2 Bruticus
2 Clench/Colossus
2 Cliffjumper
2 Cosmos
2 Dead End (orig.)
2 Devastator
2 Divebomb
2 Goldbug
2 Grapple
2 Heinrad (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Huffer
2 Hun-Grrr
2 Iguanus (BW)
2 Lord Zarak
2 Megaplex
2 Nightglider
2 Onslaught
2 Overlord (Masterforce)
2 Razorclaw
2 Red Alert
2 Reflector
2 Scorponok (BW)
2 Scourge
2 Scrapper
2 Seaspray
2 Sixshot
2 Skyshadow
2 Smokescreen (orig.)
2 Spinister
2 Tantrum
2 Trailbreaker
2 Wheelie
2 Wildrider
3 Breakdown
3 Deathsaurus (Victory)
3 Dinobot 2
3 Fortress Maximus
3 Frenzy
3 Hound
3 Laserbeak
3 Mindwipe
3 Misfire
3 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
3 Omega Supreme
3 Sky Lynx
3 Tracks
4 Airazor
4 Big Convoy (Beast Wars Neo)
4 Diagnostic Drone
4 Jhiaxus
4 Motormaster
4 Octane
4 Punch/Counterpunch
4 Sideswipe
5 Astrotrain
5 Beachcomber
5 Bluestreak
5 Brawn
5 Bumblebee
5 Cheetor
5 Quickstrike
5 Tankor
5 Terrorsaur
5 Thunderwing
5 Wreck-Gar
6 Ratchet
6 Rumble
6 Scorponok (orig.)
6 Slag
6 Snarl
6 Thundercracker
7 Blaster
7 Ironhide
7 Perceptor
7 Sludge
7 Tigatron
8 Jetfire/Skyfire
8 Mirage
8 Skywarp
8 Springer
8 Swindle
9 Bludgeon
9 Silverbolt (BW)
9 Thrust (BM)
9 Wheeljack
10 Optimus Primal
10 Ultra Magnus
11 Blackarachnia
11 Depth Charge
11 Ravage
11 Rhinox
11 Swoop
13 Nightbeat
15 Galvatron (orig.)
15 Prowl
16 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
16 Jazz
16 Jetstorm (BM)
16 Tarantulas
17 Cyclonus
17 Rampage (BW)
18 Inferno (BW)
21 Shockwave
26 Waspinator
28 Dinobot
28 Rattrap
30 Megatron (orig.)
34 Grimlock
35 Soundwave
37 Megatron (BW)
37 Starscream (orig.)
42 Optimus Prime
Optimus Prime. Need I say more!
--Perceptor Prime
Don't make me choose between Starscream and Dinobot!:)
--Blue-Jackal
Cyclonus is God, Cyclonus is never wrong, we shall worship Cyclonus!-
Creed of the Church of Cyclonus
--Daniel "Mono" McCollum
Waspinator, Waspinator, and Waspinator. Oh, and Waspinator.
--Scarab
Beastwars Silverbolt; anyone who can say such corny things with a straight
face has got to be admired :-) It's like a speech of Optimus Primes, only
without the authority and experience tempering it. "I am strong, pure,
fast....and dumb as a post."
--Freds Workshop
...does BW Megatron's rubber duckie count as a character? :)
--Dark Angel
Oh, I could go on and on... the TF universe is nifty that way. :]
--Robert Powers
And one sympathy vote for Wheelie.
--Playground Psychotic
WHITE DOVE: Yeah, Wheelie! It's unfahr how everyone picks on mah boy.
RAZORSHARP: My pardon, Lady Dove. But are you saying that YOU are the
mother to the Autobot Wheelie?
WHITE DOVE: Oh, not lit'rally. But mah Vena brought him home one time,
an' ah found out the poor lad had no kin of 'is own. Well,
ah figured that ain't right, so ah took 'im under mah wing.
D. DRONE: A highly commendable act of compassion.
WHITE DOVE: Aw, shucks. 'e's already been an abandoned orphan, ya know?
Ah jus' don't wanna see the kid get hurt no more. Someone's
gotta stand up fer 'im, an' it might as well be me.
RAZORSHARP: I suspect, Lady Dove, that you will be very busy tonight...
---------------------------------------
*** Favorite Autobot/Cybertron/Maximal
1 Air Raid
1 Bantor
1 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
1 Big Convoy (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Bighorn (Beast Wars Second)
1 Break (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Buzzsaw
1 Cosmos
1 Elita-1 (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Gears
1 God Ginrai (Masterforce)
1 Guzzle
1 Hound
1 Hubcap
1 Impactor (from the UK comics)
1 Moonracer (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Punch/Counterpunch
2 Airazor
2 Blades
2 Cliffjumper
2 Firestar (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
2 Grapple
2 LioJunior (Beast Wars Second)
2 Longrack (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Polar Claw
2 Rewind
2 Scuba (Beast Wars Second)
2 Seaspray
2 Sideswipe
2 Siren
2 Stinkbomb
2 Tailgate
2 Victory Saber (Victory)
3 Corahda (Beast Wars Neo)
3 Holi (Victory)
3 Jawbreaker
3 LioConvoy (Beast Wars Second)
3 Minerva (Masterforce)
3 Quickswitch
3 Skids
3 Sky Lynx
3 Sludge
3 Snarl
3 Sureshot
3 Tigerhawk
3 Victory Leo (Victory)
4 B'Boom (Beast Wars Neo)
4 Bluestreak
4 Bumblebee
4 Mirage
4 Red Alert
4 Tigatron
4 Trailbreaker
4 Warpath
4 Wreck-Gar
5 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
5 Kup
5 Nightglider
5 Silverbolt (orig.)
6 Fortress Maximus
6 Smokescreen (orig.)
6 Star Saber (Victory)
6 Wheelie
7 Brawn
7 Tracks
9 Omega Supreme
10 Beachcomber
11 Blackarachnia
11 Ratchet
11 Springer
11 Swoop
13 Cheetor
14 Ironhide
16 Jetfire/Skyfire
16 Optimus Primal
17 Blaster
19 Nightbeat
19 Silverbolt (BW)
22 Depth Charge
22 Rhinox
23 Perceptor
25 Wheeljack
26 Ultra Magnus
27 Prowl
28 Jazz
45 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
66 Rattrap
74 Dinobot
80 Grimlock
147 Optimus Prime
Optimus Prime was, is, and always will be a personal hero.
--T.J. "Perceptor" Fosko
Dinobot. "Code of Hero," man, "Code of Hero."
--Philip N. Zeman
My three choices (Dinobot, Optimus Prime and Impactor) all died heroic
deaths and in a way came back to die again. What is this saying about me?
--Tim Roll-Pickering
[I'll tell you for $45/hour...]
Wheeljack, because he's gonna blow 'em all up someday. MWAHAHAHA
--Harri Jokinen
Tigerhawk's cool because of his Mewtwo-ish powers, and his origin.
--Neo J. Menasor
Ultra Magnus (Yep, I really like this guy)
--Supremus
Absolutely none of them! :-) Maybe Grimlock, but he'd have to switch
sides!
--Charlotte Brogden
WHITE DOVE: Ah, the Autobots ain't that bad.
D. DRONE: No offense intended, White Dove, but some may say that you
are too biased in this regard.
WHITE DOVE: Nah! Ah might've been raised as a 'bot, but ah've got
nothin' against Decepticons. If ah did, ah wouldn't have
married one.
RAZORSHARP: Who is your mate, Lady Dove? If I may ask.
WHITE DOVE: Sure ya c'n, dear! It's Galvatron.
D. DRONE: Galvatron? The mad Decepticon leader?
WHITE DOVE: He ain't mad, he just gets those nasty headaches sometimes.
But he's really a big sweetie inside.
D. DRONE: First Wheelie, now this. I must say, it sounds like you
have a very ... INTERESTING life.
RAZORSHARP: (nods) Indeed.
---------------------------------------
*** Favorite Decepticon/Destron/Predacon
1 Browning (Masterforce)
1 Dinobot
1 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
1 Hellbat (Victory)
1 Laserbeak
1 Onslaught
1 Ratbat
1 Reflector
1 Scourge
1 Trypticon
1 Wild Rider
2 Breakdown
2 Hook
2 Jhiaxus
2 Lord Zarak
2 Magmatron (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Menasor
2 Mindwipe
2 Octopunch
2 Saberback (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Skull (Headmasters)
2 Spinister
2 Starscream (Beast Wars Second version)
2 Thrust (Beast Wars Second version)
2 Transquito
3 Bombshell
3 Dead End
3 Deathsaurus (Victory)
3 Guiledart (Beast Wars Neo)
3 Long Haul
3 Quickstrike
3 Ramjet
3 SixKnight (Masterforce)
3 Snapdragon
3 Tantrum
4 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
4 Scorponok (BW)
4 Swindle
5 Blitzwing
5 Bruticus
5 Rumble
5 Thrust (BM)
6 Dinobot 2
7 Thundercracker
8 Astrotrain
8 Devastator
8 Motormaster
8 Overlord
8 Sixshot
9 Tankor
9 Terrorsaur
12 Jetstorm (BM)
12 Scorponok (orig.)
12 Thunderwing
16 Bludgeon
16 Ravage
17 Blackarachnia
18 Inferno (BW)
20 Skywarp
22 Tarantulas
32 Cyclonus
35 Galvatron (orig.)
36 Shockwave
39 Rampage (BW)
55 Waspinator
97 Soundwave
114 Megatron (orig.)
122 Starscream (orig.)
124 Megatron (BW)
Megatron from Beast Wars. I like how he goes "Yessss..." and "Nooooo..."
--Perceptor Prime
Cyclonus, Galvatron, Tarantulas. Long Live Purple Evil!!!
--Srini Varanasi
This is obviously the same as the answer for "most favorite characters of
all time...."
--Raksha
Galvatron - if you wanna be mad, be with style.
--Supremus
Overlord. Anyone who has a weapon factory for an altmode, is gotta be
dangerous.
--Darzonique
Shocker, Screamer and, er, Sounder. The Holy Trinity of Decepton lore.
--GB
Tripredicus Council Member # 3, the one who looked like a cross between
Megatron and a lava lamp. Anybody who can order political assassinations
while wearing a winged beanie and actually be taken seriously has to be
major-league badass.
--Thylacine 2000
D. DRONE: "Purple Evil." Sounds like a name for a rock band.
WHITE DOVE: So what's yer story, Raz? Which side're you on?
RAZORSHARP: I am allied with neither, Lady Dove. I was a Decepticon
previously, but am now exiled from Darkmount for scheming
against my liege.
D. DRONE: Lord Straxus.
RAZORSHARP: Yes. I have worked with the Autobots at times, but I do not
count myself among their numbers. I am outcast, and shall
forever stand alone.
WHITE DOVE: Awwww. Sounds terrible, dear.
RAZORSHARP: Sometimes ... it is almost overwhelming. But, by Primus, I
will survive.
WHITE DOVE: Yeah, well, if ya need someone ta talk to, come and see me
any time. Ah'll make some of mah favorite cyber-cider,
that'll cheer ya right up.
RAZORSHARP: I ... thank you, Lady Dove, for your generousity.
D. DRONE: Ah, such a prosaic image of affectionate camaraderie.
WHITE DOVE: Hush, you!
---------------------------------------
*** Favorite Gestalt/Combiner Team
1 Big Powered (Battlestars)
1 Sixtrain (Operation Combination)
2 God Ginrai (Masterforce)
2 Reflector
2 Sixliner (Operation Combination)
2 Sky Lynx
3 Magnaboss (Beast Wars Second version)
6 Victory Saber (Victory)
7 Brainmasters/Road Caesar (Victory)
7 Dinoforce/Dinoking (Victory)
10 Breastforce/Liokaiser (Victory)
14 Trainbots/Raiden (Headmasters)
15 Pretender Monsters/Monstructor
16 Jointron Brothers/Tripledacus (Beast Wars Second)
20 Seacons/Piranacon
25 Magnaboss
35 Protectobots/Defensor
37 Terrorcons/Abominus
37 Tripredacus
73 Aerialbots/Superion
75 Technobots/Computron
84 Stunticons/Menasor
118 Combaticons/Bruticus
128 Predacons/Predaking
199 Constructicons/Devastator
Devastator is the original... and the best!!!
--Defcon
Tripledacus/Jointron Brothers. They're maraca-wielding, tequila-drinking
mariachi warriors! They sing! They dance! They piddle! They'd be deeply
offensive if they were actual stereotypes instead of psychosis-induced
hallucinations! Ole!
--SwiftEagle
Bruticus. The commercials are right, he IS one bad dudicus.
--Picard42
Predaking is pure savagery at it's best. He has a cool design, ad he's
the scariest of the Gestalts.
--Greg Bishansky
Ah, those cute, half-stupid lil DinoForce characters. ^.^
--Windchaser
The Stunticons, since they're such basket cases.
--Brax Cardigan
Really, the trouble is with so many of the Special Teams, is that they're
written as one-trick ponies. 'Hey, who are these guys! Oh no! They combine
into one big robot!' Aye, *that* sure makes 'em stand out, no-one else
does that.
--Daria 'Ratbat' Sigma
D. DRONE: I am surprised that Predaking did not fare better.
WHITE DOVE: Yah, but bein' second ta Devastator's still nothin' ta
laugh at, y'know?
RAZORSHARP: True, though I would like to see how the two giants would
fare in a duel.
WHITE DOVE: Now THAT'D be sumthin' ta see!
D. DRONE: Preferably from several miles away...
---------------------------------------
*** Favorite Non-Combining Subteam
1 Autobot Powermasters
1 Autobot Targetmasters
1 Axelerators
1 B.B./Starscream (Beast Wars Second)
1 Firecons
1 Junkions
1 Powermasters
1 Scientists
1 Tank Drones (BM)
2 Autobot Cassettes
2 Autobot Junior Headmasters
2 BreastForce (Victory)
2 Decepticon Pretenders
2 First-year Autobot cars
2 Mecha-Raptors (from "Cutting Edge")
2 Micromaster Rescue Patrol
2 Predators
2 Pretenders
2 Quintessons
2 Triggercons
2 Vehicon Generals
3 Aerodrones (BM)
3 Brainmasters (Victory)
3 Classic Pretenders
3 Cyborg beasts (Beast Wars Second)
3 Decepticon Cyberjets
3 Deluxe Insecticons
3 Fuzors
3 Omnibots
3 Predacon Flyers (Inferno, Terrorsaur, Waspinator)
3 Transmetal 2s
3 Triggerbots
3 Turbomasters
3 Unicron-Created Decepticons (Galvatron, Cyclonus, Scourge and
the Sweeps)
4 Autobot Cars
4 Clones
4 Dreadwing/Smokescreen
4 Horrorcons
4 Minibots/Minispies
4 Motorcycle Drones (BM)
4 Sparkabots
5 Cyberjets
5 Duocons
5 Female Autobots
5 Mayhem Attack Squad (Stranglehold, Octopunch, and Bludgeon; from
the US comics)
6 Decepticon Clones
6 Jumpstarters
6 Monsterbots
6 Season 1 Decepticon jets (Starscream, Skywarp, and Thundercracker)
8 Cassettes
9 Decepticon Triple Changers
10 Battlechargers
10 Laser Rods/Laser Cycles
10 Sweeps
11 Micromasters
11 Targetmasters
13 Wreckers (from the UK comics)
14 Throttlebots
15 Transmetals
15 Triple Changers
20 Headmasters
30 Vehicons
33 Seekers/Decepticon jets
50 Decepticon Cassettes
69 Insecticons
297 Dinobots
Aren't [the Dinobots] everybody's favorite? Yeah, dumb as rocks, but...
--Ellen Brand
Dreadwing/Smokescreen. They're a sub-team on their own! How cool is that?
--Max Fauth
The Decepticon Clones (because they're the first team that I spot on my
shelf. :)
--Brian Kilby
Insecticons, Sweeps, Dinobots -- (Send in the clones...)
--Beast Warrior RatBat
Yes, that's right, Throttlebots. Because nothing beats the play value of
a 'bot that rolls across the kitchen floor at high velocity until it
smashes into something.
--Robert Powers
But definitely NOT the Throttlebots. Ugh.
--Seth
Firecons- There, LV. Take the gun away from my head now.
--Mad-Max-MFP
Animorphs! Really! Don't shoot! Just kidding.
--Hooper_X
RAZORSHARP: Did you vote for the Dinobots, Lady Dove?
WHITE DOVE: Of course -- they're big, dumb, and cuddly ... an' they're
friends with Wheelie!
D. DRONE: As if you needed to ask.
---------------------------------------
*** Favorite Non-Toy Character
1 Alligator-style Sharkticon (from "Transformers: The Movie")
1 Artemis (Beast Wars Second)
1 Bomber Bill (from Transformers #10)
1 Cataclysm (from "Reaching the Omega Point," BotCon '99)
1 Cheetah pack (from "Beast Wars," part 1)
1 Crow Convoy (from the Beast Wars Neo manga)
1 Deathcobra (Victory)
1 Dinsmore (Lord Chumley's butler, from "Prime Target")
1 Generic Decepticon Jets
1 Hook/Line/Sinker
1 Kremzeek! (from "Kremzeek!")
1 Liege Maximo (from the G2 comics)
1 Megatron (BM)
1 Mindset (from the G2 comics)
1 Nautilus (from Transformers UK #224)
1 Ratchet/Megatron fusion
1 Robot Master
1 Starscream's ghost
1 Vector Sigma
2 Abdul Fakkadi (from "Five Faces of Darkness")
2 Astoria Carlton-Ritz (from "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide")
2 Dion (from "War Dawn")
2 Football coach (Blitzwing's advisor, from "Triple Takeover")
2 Jan (Victory)
2 Jhiaxus' Decepticons (from the G2 comics)
2 Moonracer (from "The Search For Alpha Trion")
2 "O"
2 Rapture
2 Saber-tooth tiger (from "Bad Spark")
2 Spanner
3 Buster Witwicky
3 Centurion (from the UK comics)
3 Chameleon
3 Chip
3 Cybertron's Sentinels/Guardians
3 Hive Queen (from "Battle to Death on the Hive Planet"; from the
Japanese Headmasters series)
3 Jackhammer (from the UK comics)
3 Village girl (from "Fire On the Mountain")
3 Violenjiger (Zone)
4 Cassette probe (from "A Prime Problem")
4 Cyber-Raptors (from "Cutting Edge")
4 Kranix
4 Skyfire
4 Zone Bunny/Emusa (Zone)
5 D-Navi (Beast Wars Neo)
5 Megatron's (BW) rubber duck
5 Snake (from "Only Human")
5 Super Megatron (Battlestars)
6 Chromia (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
7 Dr. Archeville
7 Firestar (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
7 Primus
8 Neanderthal Leader
8 Scrounge (from Transformers #18)
8 Sparkplug Witwicky
10 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
10 Rook (from the G2 comics)
10 Spike Witwicky
11 Impactor (from the UK comics)
12 Carly Witwicky
12 Emirate Xaaron
13 Straxus
17 Death's Head
18 Quintessons
19 Circuit Breaker
22 Elita-1 (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
30 Transmutate (from "Transmutate")
37 Alpha Trion
40 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
46 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
46 Diagnostic Drone
59 Jhiaxus
90 Arcee
154 Unicron
Unicron. "I have summoned you here ... to stop wasting time and release
my goddamn toy in the US..."
--Scarab
Sparkplug. I just like the guy for some reason.
--Stickshift
Scrounge, poor forgotten little guy. Spanner, poor forgotten big guy.
Hook, Line, & Sinker, poor forgotten harbringers of Universal Doom.
--ZacWilliam
Skyfire (NOT JETFIRE!)
--Metallitron
[There's one every year...]
I don't think a Drone toy is planned, but that little guy rules.
--Michael "Cicadacon" Yashinski
Buster Witwicky (er, because, well...I'll think of a reason later.)
--Brian Kilby
I would have put BW Ravage at the top of my list, but they made a toy of
him! Damn toy companies, always doing what the fans want...
--Ari X
RAZORSHARP: Now here's a winner that was easy to predict.
WHITE DOVE: No kiddin'. Ah didn't need telepathy ta guess this one.
D. DRONE: Even so, the reasoning is perfectly logical. After all, the
fans enjoy gigantic transforming robots. Therefore it makes
sense that they would vote for the biggest transforming
robot ever.
WHITE DOVE: So what'cher sayin' is that size DOES matter?
[Pause.]
D. DRONE: *Ahem* ...Perhaps we should move on to the next award.
---------------------------------------
*** Best Character Name
1 A3 (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
1 Aimless
1 Big Convoy (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Bonecrusher
1 Bruticus
1 Diagnostic Drone
1 Dinobot
1 Elita-1 (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Guiledart (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Injector
1 Killbison (Beast Wars Second)
1 Liokaiser (Victory)
1 Moonracer (from "The Search For Alpha Trion")
1 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
1 Onslaught
1 Scattershot
1 Shrapnel
1 Slag
1 Thudercraker
1 Trailbreaker
1 Triggerhappy
1 True One (partner to Survive; from Beast Wars Neo)
1 Wreck-Gar
2 Ace Evader
2 Blurr
2 Broadside
2 Bugly
2 Bumblebee
2 Catilla
2 Dirge
2 God Ginrai (Masterforce)
2 Heinrad (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Hellscream (Beast Wars Second)
2 Jetfire
2 Mach Kick (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Magnaboss
2 Metroplex
2 Mirage
2 Mixmaster
2 Predaking
2 Protoform X
2 Quickstrike
2 Ramulus
2 Ratchet
2 Retrax
2 Rhinox
2 Scrapper
2 Sinnertwin
2 Smokescreen
2 Stunticons
2 Violnejiger (Zone)
3 Airazor
3 Blaster
3 Blot
3 Blue Bacchus (Victory)
3 Bump (Beast Wars Second)
3 Cerebros
3 Cloudraker
3 Dead End
3 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
3 Dreadwind
3 Hot Rodimus (Battlestars)
3 Joe (Battlestars)
3 Liege Maximo (from the G2 comics)
3 Lightspeed
3 Longrack (Beast Wars Neo)
3 Manterror (Beast Wars Second)
3 Max B (Beast Wars Second)
3 Nightglider
3 Nightscream
3 Octopunch
3 Optimus Minor
3 Razorclaw
3 Rippersnapper
3 Robot Master
3 Scissorboy (Beast Wars Second)
3 Scorponok
3 Sixshot
3 Skullcruncher
3 Skyquake
3 Springer
3 Stampy (Beast Wars Neo)
3 Star Saber (Victory)
3 Stinkbomb
3 Tankor
3 Tantrum
3 Tarantulas
3 Tripedacus
3 Victory Leo (Victory)
3 Victory Saber (Victory)
3 Vroom
3 Warpath
3 Windbreaker
3 Windrazor
4 Archadis (Beast Wars Neo)
4 Brawn
4 Cheetor
4 Deathsaurus (Victory)
4 Frenzy
4 Nightbeat
4 Optimal Optimus
4 Optimus Primal
4 Ravage
4 Sideswipe
4 Thrust
4 Trypticon
5 Astrotrain
5 Bludgeon
5 Rattrap
5 Rodimus Prime
5 Skyfire
5 Wheeljack
6 Dreadwing
6 Jazz
6 Skyshadow
6 Spinister
6 Thundercracker
7 Counterpunch (of Punch/Counterpunch)
7 Hot Rod
7 Jawbreaker
7 Overlord
7 Silverbolt
8 Scourge
10 Prowl
10 Soundwave
10 Thunderwing
10 Unicron
10 Waspinator
13 Jetstorm
13 Skywarp
14 Inferno
14 Jhiaxus
15 Blitzwing
16 Galvatron
16 Shockwave
17 Devastator
17 Grimlock
18 Blackarachnia
21 Rampage
23 Depth Charge
27 Fortress Maximus
29 Ultra Magnus
33 Omega Supreme
34 Cyclonus
39 Megatron
61 Starscream
70 Optimus Prime
I wonder if Optimus Prime will be 'Best and first' in this category. Or
will Ultra Magnus' total be 'Really big?'
--Tim Roll-Pickering
Frenzy - sums him up in one word, a nice feat
--Mischa Gelman
[Yeah, but so does "Vroom," and nobody's thrilled with that.]
I mean come on, just say it: "Vrrroooom!
--ZacWilliam
[Okay, ALMOST nobody...]
Aleta-1/Eleta-1/Elita-1/Alita-1 Nobody knows how to spell it, so I like
it. :)
--Wavelength
Obsidian doesn't count, does he? Frak.
--M "XXXXX" Sipher
Feh. Skybolt and Burnout would've been GREAT.
--Magmatron
Bump (Beast Wars Neo). He's an armadillo. He's named Bump. Apparently
someone at Takara has visited Texas.
--SwiftEagle
Then again, Scourge just rolls off the tongue. Say it a few times.
Scourge, Scourge, Scourge, Scourge...
--Eliot Lefebvre
Scourge, you just have to love the way it sounds, you can say it over and
over again. Scourge, Scourge, Scourge...
--Daniel "Mono" McCollum
D. DRONE: Thank you, Cybertronian Boy's Choir.
WHITE DOVE: "Scourge, Scourge, Scourge, Scourge, Scourge" ... nah, ah
can't see it.
---------------------------------------
*** Worst Character Name
1 Blowout
1 Bruticus
1 Chop Shop
1 Chromedome
1 Cicacadon (Beast Wars Second)
1 Counterpunch (of Punch/Counterpunch)
1 Daniel Witwicky
1 Deathsaurus
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Frenzy
1 Galaxy Shuttle (Victory)
1 Gearhead
1 Guard City (Operation Combination)
1 Heave
1 Heavy Tread
1 Hosehead
1 Jawbreaker
1 Long Haul
1 Magmatron
1 Magnaboss
1 Motormaster
1 "O"
1 Piranacon
1 Rapido
1 Silverbolt
1 Skram
1 Snarl
1 Spike Witwicky
1 Springer
1 Tarantulas
1 Tasmania Kid (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Wreck-Gar
2 Butt (Japanese version of Blot; from Headmasters)
2 Computron
2 Cyclonus
2 Dirgegun
2 Dirtbag
2 Doubleheader
2 Greasepit
2 Greaser
2 Grimlock
2 Hound
2 Ironhide
2 Laserbeak
2 Mantis (Beast Wars Second)
2 Megatron
2 Mixmaster
2 Moon (Beast Wars Second)
2 Moonjet
2 Motormouth
2 Night Glider
2 Nightbeat
2 Orion Pax (from "War Dawn")
2 Overbite
2 Punch (of Punch/Counterpunch)
2 Quintesson
2 Ramjet
2 Ratbat
2 Repugnus
2 Scorponok
2 Skidmark
2 Skids
2 Skullgrin
2 Squawktalk
2 Tailgate
2 Tentakill
2 Terrorsaur
2 Tigatron
2 Tigerhawk
2 Transmutate (from "Transmutate")
2 Twin Twist
2 Whirl
2 Witwicky
3 Airazor
3 Alpha Trion
3 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
3 Brawn
3 Buster Witwicky
3 Cement Head
3 Crankcase
3 Dego (Battlestars)
3 Destructicon (proposed name for BM Scavenger)
3 Diagnostic Drone
3 First Aid
3 Flamefeather
3 Galvatron
3 Gnaw
3 Hot House
3 Insecticon
3 Jhiaxus
3 Landfill
3 Needlenose
3 Onslaught
3 Optimus Prime
3 Powerhug (Beast Wars Second)
3 Quake
3 Scarem
3 Six-Gun (part of Metroplex)
3 Sludge
3 Slugfest
3 Spinister
3 Spittor
3 Thundercracker
3 Topspin
3 Ultra Magnus
3 Wipe (Headmasters)
4 Apeface
4 Bumblebee
4 Dinotron
4 Dirge
4 Erector
4 Hardhead
4 Inferno
4 Misfire
4 Rad
4 Stampy (Beast Wars Neo)
4 Thrust
5 Blackarachnia
5 Bump (Beast Wars Second)
5 Cliffjumper
5 Grotusque
5 Ramhorn
5 Slag
5 Tracks
5 Windmill
6 B'Boom
6 Gears
6 Injector
6 Pipes
6 Rodimus Prime
6 Weirdwolf
7 Blot
7 Hun-Grrr
7 K-9
7 Rhinox
7 Road Pig
7 Scissorboy (Beast Wars Second)
7 Sparkplug Witwicky
7 Stinkbomb
8 B.B.
8 Randy (Beast Wars Neo)
9 Bugly
9 Horri-Bull
9 Zap
10 Banzai-Tron
10 Huffer
10 Starscream
12 Nightscream
12 Optimus Minor
13 Gobots
13 Waspinator
14 Drillnuts (Beast Wars Second)
16 Kup
16 Optimus Primal
18 Dinobot
18 Optimal Optimus
19 Vroom
24 Big Daddy
25 Joe (Battlestars)
42 Wheelie
43 Tankor
55 Cheetor
86 Windbreaker
Windbreaker, of course, is the most humiliating name they could have
devised, but Optimal Optimus and Optimus Minor are close seconds. I never
liked the idea of Optimus PRIMAL, for crissakes.
--Eliot Lefebvre
Stampy - hardly a name to inspire fear in ones enemies:)
--Blue-Jackal
Windmill... I'm not sure what's going on there, but I keep picturing him
standing around surrounded by tulips...
--Stacy "White Dove" Shamblin
Pipes - Function: Autobot plumber
--Rumble
Tankor, Cheetor, Dinobot. Gee, how much imagination does it really take
to make up those names?
--Tony Li
"Rodimus Prime": As a puzzled non-Transfan once asked me, "What the hell
is a 'Rodimus'?"
--MCat
Fill in the blank with any member of the Micromaster Hot Rod Patrol.
--Stickshift
Cement Head - puhleese!!!!
--Seawave
Moonjet. Simple and to the point, but may as well call Optimus Vroomtruck
or Megatron BangGun compared to that.
--Dalmatian
WHITE DOVE: Now this is the kind'a undeserved abuse ah have ta deal
with. Just what's wrong wit' the name "Wheelie"?
D. DRONE: Wellllllll ... perhaps because it doesn't instill fear and
awe when someone hears it.
RAZORSHARP: How very true. An intimidating name is almost as important
as a sharpened blade.
WHITE DOVE: That's fine fer yer line o' work, dear, but ah'm talkin'
'bout a kid here. What's he need ta intimidate anyone fer?
D. DRONE: To make up for his unintimidating slingshot?
WHITE DOVE: WATCH IT!
---------------------------------------
*** Character You Most Want to Be Friends With
1 Airazor
1 Beachcomber
1 Big Convoy (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Blackarachnia
1 Blaster
1 Bluestreak
1 Brawn
1 Carly Witwicky
1 Cyclonus
1 D.J. (Beast Wars Second)
1 Depth Charge
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Fortress Maximus (Japanese version)
1 Heinrad (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Hound
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Ironhide
1 Kup
1 Lightspeed (Technobot)
1 Needlenose
1 Octane
1 Omega Supreme
1 Optimus Primal
1 Overlord
1 Perceptor
1 Punch/Counterpunch
1 Rampage (BW)
1 Ramulus
1 Rodimus Prime
1 Shockwave
1 Sideswipe
1 Silverbolt (orig.)
1 Sky Lynx
1 Smokescreen
1 Spike
1 Swindle
1 Swoop
1 Thundercracker
1 Tigatron
1 Trailbreaker
1 Transmutate (from "Transmutate")
1 Ultra Magnus
1 Vice Grip
1 Victory Leo (Victory)
1 Wheelie
2 Cosmos
2 Death's Head
2 Grimlock
2 Jetfire/Skyfire
2 Megatron (BW)
2 Ratchet
2 Ravage
2 Soundwave
2 Thrust (BM)
2 Tracks
2 Unicron
3 Dinobot
3 Galvatron (orig.)
3 Megatron (orig.)
3 Starscream (orig.)
3 Wheeljack
4 Cheetor
4 Prowl
4 Rhinox
5 Bumblebee
9 Rattrap
9 Waspinator
12 Hot Rod
12 Jazz
14 Optimus Prime
I'd be damn proud to have Prime as my friend, though one must consider the
burden you place on him by being his friend.
--Darzonique
Swindle, to teach me the art of the hustle :)
--Recharge
Megatron, so he doesn't blow my head off. Again. *Puts head back on*
--Robowang
Optimus Primal, BW era. He was the type of guy that you could go to a bar
with. Now thanks to Beast Machines, he's the type of guy you'd want to hit
over the head with a bar stool.
--HooksX
Spike -- Anyone who hangs around him *has* to look cool by contrast.
--David "Walky" Willis
Waspinator. He needs a good buddy, he's funny, and he'll appreciate me for
picking up his limbs.
--Max Fauth
[And from the "chicken farm" pile:]
Jazz. Hey dude.. come with me to score some more chicks in the dancing, k?
--Jasper van den Brink
Hotrod G1 The car...chicks dig the car.
--John DeLuna
The Vehicon Thrust, because, hey, cool biker bots and people riding cool
biker bots get all the chicks.
--Yakko Tank
RAZORSHARP: I do not understand -- what is the burden of being friend to
Lord Optimus?
WHITE DOVE: Ah don't know; Ratchet's been his friend fer a long time,
an' ah don't think he's been a burden.
[The Diagnostic Drone produces an electronic stylus and taps on it.]
D. DRONE: According to the ancient records, during the Great War, the
Autobot Ratchet was blasted into an interdimensional void.
When he was rescued, he ended up accidentally fused to the
original Megatron. The incoherent creature attacked
everyone in sight, and eventually begged Optimus Prime to
destroy it. And although Ratchet was eventually saved, he
subsequently died in a self-induced explosion high above the
planet Earth.
RAZORSHARP: Ah. Now I understand.
WHITE DOVE: Yeah -- bein' friends ta Optimus c'n be dangerous to yer
health...
---------------------------------------
WHITE DOVE: So, tell me, Raz, is there someone special in yer life?
RAZORSHARP: Why do you ask?
WHITE DOVE: Because it fits in with the next award here...
*** Character You Most Want to Be Lovers(!) With
1 Astoria Carlton-Ritz (from "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide")
1 Charlene
1 Chromia (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Depth Charge
1 Dinobot
1 Dr. Archeville
1 Dr. Biggles-Jones (from the G.I. Joe comics)
1 Elita-1 (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Carissa Carr/Ethel Stankiewicz (from Transformers #45)
1 Firestar (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Jazz
1 Jessie
1 Llyra (Lord Zarak's daughter; from the Headmasters comics)
1 Moonracer (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Optimus Primal
1 Outback
1 Ramjet
1 Scylla (Beast Wars Second)
1 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
1 Transmutate (from "Transmutate")
1 Victory Leo (Victory)
2 Beta (from "Forever is a Long Time Coming")
2 Megatron (BW)
2 Optimus Prime
2 Oracle
2 Silverbolt (BW)
2 Springer
2 Starscream (orig.)
3 Circuit Breaker
3 Megatron (orig.)
5 Carly Witwicky
5 Minerva (Masterforce)
8 Arcee
13 Airazor
25 Blackarachnia
BlackArachnia. Would *love* to get tangled in her legs. All 8.
(looks at size ratio of female humans to male TF's and shudders)
Pass!
Megatron Generation 1 - have you seen the - err - 'trigger' on that
toy? ;-)
NEXT question!
Um... My girlfriend won't let me answer this one, I don't think....
However... Circuit Breaker looks like she might be into kinky bondage
stuff, and she's got red hair... so uh.... her.
I want to see Outback's diggery do, if ya know what I mean.
[I'm afraid to ask.]
I think I'll take the fifth on this one.
Skylle! Ha! Bet no-one else remembers her! She even has a "Blowing Kiss
Of Death"!
That Dr. Archeville is pretty darn sexy with the metal plate in his head
and cliche evil villain accent. Rrrowr.
[I'm STILL wondering if this is a joke or not...]
Seriously, these cross-species relationships never do work out....
OK I'll say it this year: Carly's HOT!
Optimus Primal! He's smart enough to keep up with me intellectually, but
not so far beyond me that I'd feel left back. He's got a great sense of
humor, a warm personality, and a definite protective streak. But he's
capable of letting people make their own decisions and mistakes. And he's
got a seriously sexy voice.
No thank you!
Either Carlie or Jessie. Say what you want about them, those Witwicky boys
had good taste in women. :)
[Maybe they feel sympathy for guys with dorky surnames?]
Don't even go there.
That female dog in the car on that planet in "The Big Broadcast of 2006"
Rowrrr!!!
Why is this catagory here again? I guess you enjoy making us think about
it.
[Of course!]
Depth Charge!!
Sailor Mars...Oh wait, you mean a Transformers character. ::sigh::
OK, I'll uncreatively pick Blackarachnia just like everyone else.
Not answering this one because it is flat out disturbing after all the
Blackarachnia removable bra posts we got this year.
BW Megatron ....or maybe Cyclonus....Depends on my mood.....
Rob, you ever think of trying to blackmail anyone who wanted to remain
annoynmous in this category?
[Sometimes, but then I read the votes from the fans who aren't afraid
of hiding their lusts and I give up:]
Without question, Llyra (Lord Zarak's daughter), from the US Headmasters
comics. I mean, what was Galen *thinking* when he left her to stand up for
his principles and fight some silly intergalactic war?! And don't bother
keeping me anonymous...I have no shame to speak of...:)
--Joseph Bardsley
BW Silverbolt! I want him soo bad! I don't care if you use my name, that
voice is just too sexy, and the wings, ooh, the WINGS! (drools all over
her armor)
--Wavelength
Mmmm, Charlene.... Yah, you know who I mean! That cashier who draped her
young, luscious, womanly body over Skids's wet, soapy hood while she
slowly rubbed a slick sponge over his body and listened to him going
"Mmmmmm...." the entire time! In lust with her since the 80's, and damned
proud of it! (Sure, give my identity if you want :) )
--Stanley Lui
Sarah Michelle Gellar-icon? Doubt that counts...how about Airazor then.
Hearing her moan in "Other Voices" would be enough to accelerate any kid's
hormonal maturity. I won't hide behind my lust either. :^)
--Scott E. Kampa
Transmetal 1 form BW Megatron I think he has a sexy body, an incredible
voice, and a great face. PRINT MY NAME, I'M SERIOUS!!
--Sonya
MINERVA of course.. Come on, the hottest, blondest, horniest animated babe
ever. And she even is a Transformer! ah yeah! please DO place my name all
over the screen.
--Jasper van den Brink
RAZORSHARP: ...but he does not even seem to realize I exist. All he
cares about is--
D. DRONE: *Ahem*
RAZORSHARP: Er...
WHITE DOVE: Don't worry, darlin'. Ah know EXACTLY what yer talkin'
about. We c'n continue this later...
---------------------------------------
*** Character You Most Want To Lobotomize With a Runaway Arc Wielder
1 Alpha Trion
1 Basso Profundo (from "Carnage in C-Minor")
1 D-Navi (Beast Wars Second)
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
1 Gears
1 Gimlet (Beast Wars Second)
1 Injector
1 Metroplex
1 Onslaught
1 Outback
1 Prowl
1 Skuxxoid (from "Five Faces of Darkness")
1 Spackle/Sparkle/Spike (Headmasters)
1 Sparkplug Witwicky
1 Springer
2 Blitzwing
2 Deceptitran (from "Sea Change")
2 Diagnostic Drone
2 Dinobot 2
2 Emirate Xaaron
2 Gigastorm
2 Gregory (from "Return of Optimus Prime")
2 Jetfire/Skyfire
2 Jetstorm (BM)
2 Machkick (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Motor Arm (Beast Wars Second)
2 Rhinox
2 Shockwave
2 Trypticon
3 Airazor
3 Any Quintesson
3 Arcee
3 Beachcomber
3 Bruticus
3 Buster Witwicky
3 Chip Chase
3 Computron
3 Depth Charge
3 Donny Finkleberg/Robot Master
3 Powerglide
3 Rattrap (Japanese "Beast Wars Metals" version)
3 Red Alert
3 Slingshot
3 Soundwave
3 Tigatron
4 Cliffjumper
4 D.J. (Beast Wars Second)
4 Grimlock
4 Kup
4 Rattrap
5 Dinobot
5 Marissa Fairborne
5 The Mechanic
5 Waspinator
6 Wreck-Gar
7 Bumblebee
7 Circuit Breaker
8 Blaster
8 Brawn
8 Terrorsaur
9 Blackarachnia
10 Huffer
10 Ultra Magnus
11 Optimus Prime
11 Quickstrike
12 Scorponok (BW)
12 Tarantulas
13 Blurr
14 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
14 Megatron (orig.)
17 Cheetor
19 Megatron (BW)
23 Silverbolt (BW)
24 Starscream (orig.)
25 Spike Witwicky
27 Galvatron (orig.)
29 Optimus Primal
76 Daniel Witwicky
129 Nightscream
178 Wheelie
Isn't it mandatory to say Wheelie at this point?
--Dalmatian
WHITE DOVE: NO IT AIN'T!
Actually, I think Quickstrike may already have been lobotomized.
--FlameStrike
Ya know, I always thought that those Transformers from the comic who went
back in time after The Movie should have tracked Spike down in the 1980s
and just peppered him with constraception literature.
--Daria 'Ratbat' Sigma
Ultra Magnus--maybe it would give him a personality!!
--evebird
Nightscream. Followed by whoever it was that came up with the angsty twit.
--Avias
Silverbolt [BW]. No, not Nightscream... he's a character specifically
designed to be hated and eventually redeemed. I'd rather not let a TV show
tell me how to feel about its characters. thankyouverymuch. Silverbolt,
however, is a big obnoxious dog-shaped goiter growing out of an albatross
around Blackarachnia's neck.
--Playground Psychotic
Bob Skir. That's my answer and I'm sticking to it. AND I didn't vote for
Wheelie and Daniel.
--Rick R. Mortis
WHITE DOVE: See what ah have ta deal with? What's Wheelie done ta
deserve this?
D. DRONE: To be fair, White Dove, he certainly wasn't the only
"victim." Nightscream in particular received an
extraordinary number of votes, even though this was his
first year in the Trannies.
WHITE DOVE: It still don't matter -- they're both jus'a pair o'
innocents who need some lovin', instead'a havin' a buncha
fans threatenin' 'em fer no reason!
[Lady Razorsharp draws out her katana.]
RAZORSHARP: If it pleases you, Lady Dove ... I would be willing to
learn the names of those who voted for the Autobot Wheelie,
then teach them a small "lesson" in civility.
WHITE DOVE: (smiles) Would ya really do that, dear?
RAZORSHARP: It would allow me to return the kindness you have shown me.
WHITE DOVE: Thanks, sweetie!
D. DRONE: Oh, my...
---------------------------------------
*** Most Underexposed/Underused Character
1 Afterburner (orig.)
1 Air Raid
1 Alpha Trion
1 Arcee
1 Beachcomber
1 Bombshell
1 Breakdown
1 Bumblejumper
1 Carly Witwicky
1 Chip Chase
1 Cutthroat
1 Cyclonus
1 Defcon (from "The Gambler")
1 Depth Charge
1 Diagnostic Drone
1 Dinobot 2
1 Doubledealer
1 Dr. Archeville
1 Elita-1 (from "The Search for Alpha Trion")
1 Fortress Maximus
1 Galvatron (orig.)
1 Groove
1 Hubcap
1 Impactor (from the UK comics)
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Injector
1 Jhiaxus
1 Joe (Battlestars)
1 Liege Maximo (from the G2 comics)
1 Long Haul
1 Megaplex
1 Mirage (BM)
1 Misfire
1 Octopunch
1 Omega Supreme
1 Punch/Counterpunch
1 Quickstrike
1 Ramjet
1 Rhinox
1 Roller
1 Seaspray
1 Shockwave
1 Sixshot
1 Skyspy satellite
1 Sludge
1 Snapdragon
1 Snarl
1 Springer
1 Swerve
1 Tailgate
1 Tarantulas
1 Terrorsaur
1 Torca
1 Tracks
1 Victory Leo (Victory)
1 Vok aliens (from the "Beast Wars" TV series)
1 Waspinator
1 Wheelie
1 Windcharger
2 Doublecross
2 Hot Rod
2 Mirage (orig.)
2 Nightbeat
2 Nightbird (from "Enter the Nightbird")
2 Pipes
2 Ravage
2 Sideswipe
2 Skyshadow
2 Tigatron
3 Frenzy
3 Trailbreaker
4 Airazor
4 Jetfire
4 Thrust (BM)
4 Thundercracker
5 Prowl
5 Reflector
6 Skywarp
18 Skids
19 Tigerhawk
There was so much that they could've done with Tigerhawk, but instead, he
ends up with the Boba Fett 3 Minutes of Screen Time Award.
--Yakko Tank
Injector. Thank goodness for that! ;D
--Tony Li
Trailbreaker. I can't even think of anything to write about him.
--Scott E. Kampa
TM2 Blackarachnia : Did you say Underexposed? >;)
--Ben "Prowlus" Anthony Foong
[I think you wanted the award two questions back.]
Doubledealer! You've got a powerful Decepticon Powermaster mercenary who
can turn into a missile carrying truck, falcon or robot and who looks
gorgeous in dark green, and what do you give him? One measly panel
appearance in one issue of the comic! This guy should have had his own
issue, or something. Or better yet, "The Doubledealer Show" on TV every
Saturday, 6:00 PM.
--Joona I Palaste
Gen 1 Prowl At least in the books he had lines. Sometimes.
--Sonya
Skids. Um... he was a Transformer, right?
--Philip N. Zeman
Skids. And contrary to modern urban lore boys and girls, he actually was
a Transformer!
--Ari X
RAZORSHARP: I am curious. Considering the vast number of Transformers
who were rarely seen in the mythos, why does the Autobot
Skids warrant such an unusually high level of attention?
WHITE DOVE: One word, darlin' -- Charlene.
RAZORSHARP: Ah. Apparently human males are not much different from
males of other species.
D. DRONE: Hardly a surprising revelation...
---------------------------------------
*** The George Atlas Award, for the least intimidating Transformers
robot character
1 Abominus
1 Arcee
1 Blades
1 Boltax (Guardian of the Underbase; from Transformers #48)
1 Bombshell
1 Brawn
1 Breakdown
1 Browning (Masterforce)
1 Bump (Beast Wars Second)
1 Cheetor
1 Cliffjumper
1 Cyclonus
1 Defensor
1 Full-Barrel
1 Gaihawk (Victory)
1 Grandus (Battlestars)
1 Hot Rod
1 Megatron (BM)
1 Megatron (orig.)
1 Octane
1 Optimal Optimus
1 Optimus Primal (BW)
1 Overkill
1 Powerglide
1 Ratchet
1 Rumble
1 Trypticon
1 Ultra Magnus
1 Windbreaker
2 Cerebros
2 Emirate Xaaron
2 Huffer
2 Reflector
2 Rodimus Prime
2 Scorponok (BW)
2 Seaspray
2 Spittor
2 Stampy (Beast Wars Second)
2 Starscream (orig.)
2 Terrorsaur
3 Beachcomber
3 Diagnostic Drone
3 Nightscream
3 Quickstrike
3 Rattrap
3 Roller (Optimus Prime's component)
4 Cosmos
4 Moon (Beast Wars Second)
6 Perceptor
7 Rattrap (BM)
9 Waspinator
19 Bumblebee
42 Wheelie
Wheelie -- speaks in rhymes, slingshot for weapon....and he's orange?
--evebird
Roller. Look out! It's a run-away go cart that bleeps!!!!
--Black Zarak
Gaihawk: He's cool. He's suave. He's sophisticated. He's hot pink. He's a
member of the Boobforce. Sorry.
--Rick R. Mortis
PERCEPTOR: Oh no, Decepticons!
PERCEPTOR: Um, could someone pick me up and use me to hit the Decepticons?
--James Moar
Tie between Artemis and Moon from BW2. Oooh. A girl and a bunny. I'm
scared. Now, if the girl was a naked Callista Flockhart (RIBS!
EVERYWHERE, RIBS! HOLY GOD!) and the bunny was Max (of "Sam and" fame),
THEN I'd be scared. But not right now, nope.
--Hooper_X
Beast Machines Rattrap "Hi! I'm the new Rattrap! I'll uh... destroy your
lawn and make Gary Coleman impressions! Grrr!"
--HooksX
I almost wanted to vote for Nightscream here, but realized that his
ugliness makes him intimidating. /:)
--Windchaser
ANY of the Micromasters. "Hey, lookit me! I'm two inches tall! Cower
before me, worms!"
--Aaron Bourque
WHITE DOVE: "Cower before me--" ...oh, ho ho ha ha ha hee... That's
jus' SO funny!
D. DRONE: I am surprised, White Dove, that you do not object to
Wheelie winning this award.
WHITE DOVE: Why should ah be upset? He's a kid; he's not SAHPPOSED ta
look intimidatin'.
RAZORSHARP: Then he is a complete and resounding success.
---------------------------------------
*** The "You SURE You're One of Us?" Award, for the Transformers character
(Autobot/Decepticon/Maximal/Predacon) who most should change sides
1 Blades
1 Bludgeon
1 Brawn
1 Breakdown
1 Bumblebee
1 Carnivac
1 Cheetor
1 Claw Jaw
1 Cyclonus
1 Dinobot 2
1 Getaway
1 Huffer
1 Inferno (BW)
1 Jetfire/Skyfire
1 Metroplex
1 Optimus Minor
1 Ramhorn
1 Ramulus
1 Ravage
1 Rook (from the G2 comics)
1 Shockwave
1 Silverbolt (BW)
1 Sixshot
1 Sixshot (Japanese version)
1 Springer
1 Tankor
1 Torca
1 Tracks
1 Victory Leo (Victory)
1 Warpath
2 Cliffjumper
2 Doubledealer
2 Galvatron (orig.)
2 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime
2 Jawbreaker
2 Optimus Prime
2 Punch/Counterpunch
2 Repugnus
2 Scorponok (orig.)
2 Slag
2 Soundwave
2 Tarantulas
2 Thrust (BM)
2 Thundercracker
3 Grimlock
3 Megatron (BW)
3 Rattrap
3 Rhinox
3 Slingshot
3 Starscream (orig.)
4 Wheelie
5 Blitzwing
5 Octane
6 Depth Charge
6 Nightscream
6 Optimus Primal
8 Dinobot
9 Blackarachnia
15 Waspinator
Waspinator. Face it, the guy would have been MUCH happier as a Maximal. He
would have gotten SHOT less, at least.
--Ellen Brand
Optimus Primal. "Our heroes don't need guns, but genocidal doomsday
devices are okay."
--Heli
Soundwave. Heehee. This'll get up Raksha's nose.
--Seth
I'd have to say Cliffjumper. I really get the impression that he somehow
got thrown onto the wrong conveyor belt when they were stamping team
insignias at the factory.
--Dave "Zobovor" Edwards
Tracks, and I don't mean his Autobot status.
--PerceptorTFWW
Doubledealer (but which side is he on to begin with?!)
--Echo|Fox
[And from the "too late" pile:]
Rhinox. Oh, wait...
--Ari X
Blackarachina. Oh wait, she did.
--White Cat
Dinobot Oh, wait, he already did that about a gajillion times.....
--The Masked Bastich
WHIET DOVE: Y'know, considerin' we've both been on both sides o' the
war, ah'm not sure ah c'n say anythin' without soundin'
like a bunch'a hypocrites.
---------------------------------------
*** The Helium Helmet Award, for the most egotistical Transformers
character
1 Blaster
1 Bruticus
1 Depth Charge
1 Highbrow
1 Megatron (orig.)
1 Mirage
1 Octane
1 Perceptor
1 Powerglide
1 Quickstrike
1 Ratbat
1 Scourge
1 Starscream (Beast Wars Second)
1 Tankor
1 Thunderwing
1 Tigatron
1 Unicron
2 Cheetor
2 Grimlock
2 Injector
2 Optimus Primal
2 Rodimus Prime
2 Silverbolt (BW)
2 Slingshot
2 Terrorsaur
3 Galvatron (orig.)
3 Nightscream
3 Optimus Prime
3 Rattrap
6 Jetstorm (BM)
13 Sunstreaker
17 Tracks
23 Megatron (BW)
24 Starscream (orig.)
29 Sky Lynx
Sky Lynx. No, Starscream. No, Sky Lynx. Even if there is no "I" in "Sky
Lynx." He's got enough ego to be a Triple-combiner. Starscream's just got
enough to be a Duo-combiner.
--Aaron Bourque
Injector, the Vanity Smurf of the TF Universe.
--Finback
BM Primal. I hear part of his toy's transformation involves nailing it to
a cross.
--Thylacine 2000
Scourge. Sure, there's Sunstreaker, and even Cheetor...but, anyone who can
maintain that goatee and those classy Lee Press-on Nails *must* have an
ego that meets or exceeds all Transformers.
--John DeLuna
Wow... I never realized how egocentric a lot of these guys are. I'll say
Tracks.
--Michael "Cicadacon" Yashinski
Sunstreaker - because Tracks' ego is warranted
--GB
Bob Sk-- wait, I think I read the question wrong...
--David "Walky" Willis
[The Diagnostic Drone taps on his stylus.]
D. DRONE: By my calculations, if things continue at their current
rate, Bob Skir will surpass Wheelie as the transfans'
favorite target of abuse in plenty of time for next
year's Trannies.
WHITE DOVE: Well, at least he DESERVES some'a it!
RAZORSHARP: My comments on this matter are not fit for others to hear.
D. DRONE: Fortunately, that was the last award in this category. Do
either of you have any final words to share?
WHITE DOVE: Ah could use a drink.
D. DRONE: ...quite.
RAZORSHARP: Good evening, all.
[Cut to commercials.]
(Lady Razorsharp appears courtesy of Melissa McCook. White Dove appears
courtesy of Stacy Shamblin.)
==========================================================================
PART II: TRANSFORMERS TOYS AND MERCHANDISE
[Lights rise as two creatures step out from stage left. The first is a
large techno-organic griffin, a combination of curving mechanical
components and living fur and feathers. The body is that of a lion, but
with the wings, head, and talons of a bird. Feathers and metal are in
various shades of tan and brown, save for a pair of piercing green eyes.
She walks out with slow, gingerly steps, watching everything carefully.
Her partner is a humanoid male, roughly five feet tall, but dwarfed by the
griffin. He looks human at first glance, but a closer inspection reveals
subtle facial differences that betray his alien origins. He is dressed in
an exotic bodysuit and a long-sleeved evening jacket, all in flat black.
Unlike the griffin, he is grinning broadly, and barely contains his glee.
The two are soon followed by the Diagnostic Drone, who floats out behind
them. The trio walk to the podium, and the griffin speaks:]
GRYPH: I don't know about this, Nikaa...
NIKAA: Oh, come ON, Gryph! We've been through this a hundred times
already! Can't you just relax and enjoy yourself for once in
your miserable life?
GRYPH: Don't get testy with me...
NIKAA: Testy? ME? You're the scardy-cat here, not me.
D. DRONE: I do hate to interrupt, but is there a problem?
NIKAA: Oh, no. It's just that Miss-big-bad-killer-Sentinel here is
getting stage fright from appearing in front of everyone.
D. DRONE: And this is NOT a problem?
NIKAA: Naah, I've seen this before. Just give me a minute to get her
all wound up, and then she'll be too busy being mad to be
scared.
GRYPH: I'm NOT your puppet, Nikaa!
NIKKA: Of course not, Gryph -- hey, after the show, I'll put you in
touch with this mechanic I know, okay? Maybe we can get him
to change that outdated griffin form of yours for a big
CHICKEN instead.
GRYPH: (growling) Watch it, worm...!
NIKAA: See? She's fine now!
D. DRONE: If you insist. Would you care to make the introductions,
then?
NIKAA: Sure! Hey, folks! I'm Nikaa, and this is Gryph! We're here
to present the toy-based Trannie awards!
GRYPH: Just don't try to steal them, thief -- I'm keeping my optics
on you tonight.
NIKAA: Moi? Steal the Trannies? *Gasp!* I'm wounded by such crass
accusations!
GRYPH: Good!
D. DRONE: Perhaps we should move on...
*** Best Toy of the Year
1 Archadis
1 Cheetor (BM)
1 Depth Charge
1 Guiledart
1 Mach Kick
1 Metals Ravage
1 Ramulus
1 Saberback
1 Scarem
1 Scavenger (BM)
1 Sonar
1 Stinkbomb
2 Break
2 Cheetor (Transmetal 2)
2 Iguanus (Transmetal 2)
2 Prowl (Transmetal 2)
2 Scourge (Transmetal 2)
3 Magmatron
3 Mirage (BM)
3 Optimus Minor
3 Spittor (Transmetal 2)
4 Night Glider
5 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
5 Jetstorm (BM)
6 Big Convoy
6 Jawbreaker
6 Tankor
12 Blackarachnia (Transmetal 2)
21 Tigerhawk
34 Megatron (Transmetal 2)
TransMetal 2 Megatron. And a clean pair of shorts.
--Red Dragon AuraThunder Ranger Aaron Hong
Archadis has the perfect balance of neat gimmicks, elegant but convincing
transform, good looks in both modes, excellent posability.
--Beast Warrior RatBat
I'd have to say Tigerhawk. I mean, he had a blue tongue. And it moved.
That's pretty darn neat.
--Ari X
Dang-it, I vote for Optimal Optimus! I just bought another one, he's so
cool....the size, the articulation, the Gen-1-esque ratching sounds of the
joints...he rocks! I demand that you put down Optimal Optimus for me! I
demand that he be listed as a choice! You can stick the entire transmetal
2 line up your exhaust pipe, for all I care...Optimal Optimus! Optimal
Optimus! Optimal Optimus!
--Freds Workshop
[And from the "worship me or else" bin:]
Bow down and grovel before the master penguin! All hail Break!
--Picard42
Scarem! Scarem! Scarem! Scarem! Scarem rules! You must all bow down before
this little gem.
--Mad-Max-MFP
Nightglider - A squirrel tf, I've been waiting for this one for years...
Squirrels rock!!
--Shadow Star
Transmetal Terrorsaur. I know he isn't on the list, but he has been
released in 1999 here in Europe.
TM Terrorsaur: "Want to see my package? Come and look!"
--Aziraphale
NIKAA: "'Austin Powers 3,' starring Terrorsaur" ... *Brrrrr!*
GRYPH: Austin What Who?
NIKAA: (sighs) See, Gryph? If we'd go out to the movies once in a
while, then you'd know what I was talking about.
GRYPH: I never know what you're talking about anyway.
D. DRONE: Just out of curiousity, do you two bicker like this all the
time?
NIKAA: Of course -- it's the only fun we get, since we never go out
to the movies...
---------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Ever
1 Cheetor (Transmetal 2)
1 Cybershark (orig.)
1 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
1 Discharge
1 Iguanus (Transmetal 2)
1 Mantis
1 Megatron (Action Master)
1 Megatron (Transmetal)
1 Metroplex
1 Optimus Minor
1 Prowl (Transmetal 2)
1 Rampage (Transmetal)
1 Reflector
1 Saberback
1 Scattershot
1 Seaspray
1 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
1 Skywarp (orig.)
1 Slag
1 Smokescreen (orig.)
1 Soundblaster
1 Springer
1 Squawktalk
1 Terragator
1 Terrorsaur (Transmetal)
1 Treadshot
1 Warpath
2 Airazor (Transmetal)
2 Astrotrain
2 B.B./Starscream
2 Beachcomber
2 Bumblebee (Pretender)
2 Deathsaurus
2 Deszaras
2 Galvatron (orig.)
2 Inferno (orig.)
2 Jetstorm (BM)
2 Magnaboss
2 Megatron (Combat Hero)
2 Metals Jaguar
2 Misfire
2 Nightglider
2 Piranacon
2 Road Rocket
2 Sky Lynx
2 Smokescreen (G2; partner to Dreadwing)
2 Snapdragon
2 Star Saber
2 Tankor
2 Torca
2 Tripredacus
2 Windrazor
3 Big Convoy
3 Blaster
3 Break
3 Cheetor (orig.)
3 Doubledealer
3 Frenzy
3 Jazz (Action Master)
3 LioConvoy Flash
3 Menasor
3 Optimus Prime (G2)
3 Overkill
3 Overlord
3 Rotorstorm
3 Snaptrap
3 Tarantulas (orig.)
3 Victory Leo
3 Victory Saber
4 Electro
4 Hooligan
4 LioConvoy
4 Megatron (G2 tank)
4 Optimus Primal (gorilla)
4 Predaking
5 Cheetor (Fox Kids)
5 Countdown
5 Depth Charge
5 Prowl (orig.)
5 Sandstorm
6 Blackarachnia (Transmetal 2)
6 Blitzwing
6 Devastator
6 Inferno (BW)
6 Jawbreaker
6 Rodimus Prime
6 Sludge
6 Starscream (orig.)
7 Cyclonus
7 Tarantulas (Transmetal)
7 Trypticon
7 Ultra Magnus
8 Grimlock (orig.)
8 Omega Supreme
9 Cheetor (Transmetal)
9 Jazz
9 Scorponok (orig.)
10 Hot Rod (orig.)
10 Perceptor
15 Dreadwing/Smokescreen (also sold as Ace Evader in Europe)
16 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
16 Shockwave (orig.)
17 Sixshot
21 Megatron (orig.)
22 Tigerhawk
25 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
29 Megatron (Transmetal)
30 Rampage (BW)
31 Optimal Optimus
33 Megatron (Transmetal 2)
38 Soundwave (orig.)
47 Optimus Prime (orig.)
51 Fortress Maximus
64 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
80 Jetfire (orig.)
Who wouldn't vote for Jetfire?
--Outtsyder
Soundwave, that nice battery gimmick tricked me for hours...well ok now I
just sound dumb
--Daniel "Mono" McCollum
Laser Op: POSE! Hah, cop that, non-G2 poseless decepticons!
(Strut, strut, flex, flex)
--Max Fauth
G1 Scorponok. "And in da blue cornah, Scorponok, weighing in at the size
of a small child. And in dis cornah, everybody else."
--Darzonique
Optimal Optimus (dammit, I'm not biased!)
--OptimalOptimus
Micromaster Discharge, just because I like the silly name. Discharge
Discharge DISCHARGE!
--Hooper_X
Rampage (BW). With the exception of a couple colorscheme glitches (which I
intend to fix on mine) looks almost exactly like the show, is very posable
... and looks cool lounging in that lil twig-furniture doll chair I found
at the local Dollar Tree. :)
--Stacy "White Dove" Shamblin
NIKAA: Is it just me, or does this count as "too much information"?
GRYPH: For once, mouse, I agree.
D. DRONE: Will wonders ever cease?
NIKAA: Ah! Be still, my feeble heart...!
---------------------------------------
*** Best Non-American Toy Ever
1 Bazooka
1 Browning
1 Discharge
1 Hawk
1 Hot Rodimus
1 Hurrican
1 Killer Punch
1 Moon
1 Thunderclash
1 Trainbots/Raiden
2 Bulletbike
2 Clear Convoy
2 Dirgegun
2 Galaxy Shuttle
2 Heinlad
2 Max B.
2 Omega Spreem
2 Sixtrain
2 Skyquake
2 Sonic Bomber
2 Soundblaster
2 Talon
2 Tasmania Kid
2 Tigatron (Japanese version)
3 Drench
3 Flash (Turbomaster)
3 Flash LioConvoy
3 Gigastorm
3 Godbomber
3 Hellscream
3 Mach Kick
3 Megastorm
3 Sky Garry
3 Stampy
3 Thrustol
3 Victory Leo
4 B.B./Starscream
4 Clench/Colossus
4 Ikard/Takotank
4 Shadow Panther
4 Stalker
5 Starscream (Beast Wars Second)
6 God Ginrai
6 Road Caesar
6 Rotorstorm
6 Thrust (Beast Wars Second)
7 Raiden
10 Liokaiser
11 Black Zarak
11 Break
11 Guiledart
11 Longrack
11 Saberback
11 Star Convoy
15 Magmatron
21 Victory Saber
27 Star Saber
38 Deathsaurus
39 LioConvoy
48 Metals Jaguar (Ravage from the BEAST WARS episode "The Agenda")
49 Overlord
69 Big Convoy
80 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
Beast Wars 2 Galvatron (Man, he's a PIMP!)
--Robowang
Longrack, for being so good, and Bulletbike, for being absolutely
terrible! I mean, his arms are as stubby and useless as the Throttlebots,
plus he was made 10 years later! What a fine toy...
--Yakko Tank
Lio Convoy. The Gimmickmaster.
--Darzonique
I voted for Shadow Panther because it shows how a mediocre toy design can
be improved by a clean, simple colour-scheme.
--Andrew Crane
I consider Metalforce Convoy a toy. It does have articulation in several
spots, so it's not just a statue. If Action Masters are toys, Metalforce
is too.
--Skyflight
[Yeah, but Action Masters were sold by Hasbro, and Metalforce Convoy
wasn't. So there nyahh. B-]
Breastforce comes a close second for sheer snigger factor.
--Eliot Lefebvre
Star Saber. One gorgeous-looking brick.
--WarWolf
Yeah, Overlord's robot mode's a brick. But his/her base mode & vehicle
modes are sweet, plus there's always that whole mass weaponry thing...
--M "XXXXX" Sipher
GRYPH: "Galvatron is a pimp"? What nonsense is this?
D. DRONE: According to my datatracks, a "pimp" is someone who dresses in
flamboyant clothing (preferably with numerous gold chains),
and is constantly surrounded by attractive, scantily-clad
women of ill repute.
[Gryph and Nikka scowl in pained concentration.]
NIKAA: Oh, now THAT'S a mental image I did NOT need...!
---------------------------------------
*** Best Convention-Exclusive Toy
6 Barbearian/Grizzly-1 (BotCon Japan '98)
9 Double Punch (BotCon Japan '98)
12 Packrat (BotCon '97)
15 Vice Grip (BotCon '98)
17 Oynx Primal (BotCon '96)
19 Breakdown (BotCon '94)
21 Nightracer (BotCon '95)
27 Fractyl (BotCon '97)
103 Sandstorm (BotCon '99)
117 Windrazor (BotCon '99)
126 Antagony (BotCon '98)
Antagony - perfect from her name to her packaging. I usually don't buy the
toys, but I made an exception for her!
--Charlotte Brogden
Not that I have any of them. But the toys they're based on are pretty
damned cool.
--Rick R. Mortis
I guess I'm not allowed to vote for Nightracer.......
--Raksha
Hey! Rob, you're not supposed to start my "have-not-attended-BotCon"
guilt trip for several questions now! Cheater!
--Eliot Lefebvre
Sandstorm. The toy itself is interesting but with the packaging, it's
nothing short of stunning.
--WarWolf
I put Onyx Primal as the first, because it's fun to type Prime/Primal
names with something other beginning with "O"... like Octopus Prime.
--Joona I Palaste
GRYPH: Octopus Prime?
NIKAA: "Freedom is the right of all sentient seafood!"
[Gryph groans.]
GRYPH: I should kill you for a joke that wretched, rat -- but that'd
let you off too easily!
D. DRONE: No, it wouldn't...
---------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Character Box Art
1 Autojetter
1 Barbearian/Grizzly-1 (BotCon Japan '98 exclusive)
1 Black Zarak
1 Blackarachnia (Japanese version)
1 Blackarachnia (Transmetal 2)
1 Bomb-Burst
1 Cybershark (Transmetal 2)
1 Deathsaurus
1 Defensor
1 Deszaras
1 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
1 God Ginrai
1 Grimlock (original)
1 Grimlock (Pretender)
1 Grotusque
1 Hoist (orig.)
1 Hot Rod
1 Hun-Grrr
1 Inferno (orig.)
1 Jazz
1 LioConvoy
1 Megatron (Action Master)
1 Megatron (Combat Hero)
1 Misfire
1 Nautilator
1 Optimal Optimus
1 Optimus Prime (G2)
1 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
1 Piranacon
1 Pounce/Wingspan
1 Predaking
1 Prowl (orig.)
1 Raatoraata (Japanese version of Injector)
1 Rattrap (orig.)
1 Razorbeast
1 Sandstorm (BM)
1 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
1 Sixshot
1 Sky Lynx
1 Skywarp (orig.)
1 Smokescreen
1 Snapdragon
1 Snaptrap
1 Soundblaster
1 Starscream (Machine Wars)
1 Starscream (orig.)
1 Survive (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Tigerhawk
1 Victory Leo
1 Victory Saber
1 Waspinator (original)
1 Waspinator (Transmetal)
2 Antagony (BotCon '98 exclusive)
2 Guzzle
2 Megatron (orig.)
2 Optimus Prime (orig.)
2 Overlord
2 Sandstorm (BotCon)
3 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
3 Fortress Maximus
4 Jetfire (orig.)
4 Metals Jaguar
4 Star Saber
4 Windrazor
5 Cheetor (BM)
6 Soundwave (orig.)
7 Megatron (Transmetal 2)
10 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
Powermaster Optimus Prime. That's one cool pic.
--Vicken
Overlord. Cool, simple, badass. Pure Overlord.
--Magmatron
BW Razorbeast. Why? I dunno, but I can always see it clearly, I think I
REALLY like the way his lottle head-gun things is separated into two
separate pistols on the art.
--Beast Warrior RatBat
Star Saber. They just don't paint 'em like that anymore.
--Heli
Guzzle. I just like it. Too bad it looks nothing like the toy :P
--Avias
[Picky, picky, picky...]
Raatoraata (BW Neo). They made Injector look *good*! Well, kinda'.
--SwiftEagle
Tankor. Oh right, he doesn't have ANY.
--Mirage
NIKAA: So, Gryph, how do you feel about the fact that all of the
Beast Machines toys have Cheetor's picture on them?
GRYPH: (shrugs) I couldn't care less.
NIKAA: I thought you'd be in favor of it, actually, what with you
being half-a-kitty yourself.
GRYPH: But I'm three times bigger than he is, Nikaa. That puts
him in the same category I've got you in.
D. DRONE: Which is...?
GRYPH: Lunch.
---------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Tech-Spec Quote
1 Apeface: "Obnoxiousness is not a problem, it is an art."
1 Astrotrain: "In confusion there is opportunity."
1 Blackarachnia (Transmetal 2): "I use deception for the purpose of
good -- I use it a lot."
1 Blot: "I'm not as bad as I look -- I'm worse."
1 Brainstorm: "The strongest tyrant cannot crush freedom of thought."
1 Bumblebee: "The least likely can be the most dangerous."
1 Catilla: "Stalk before you strike."
1 Cliffjumper: "Strike first, strike fast, strike hard."
1 Cybershark (Transmetal 2): "The ocean depths conceal all
intentions."
1 Cyclonus: "Compassion is the Autobots downfall."
1 Defensor: "As long as one innocent being is threatened, none are
truly free."
1 Dirge: "Fear is the element that unites all losers."
1 Dreadwind: "Fear is a friend whose presence is felt long after he's
left."
1 Fangry: "Leaders are for fools who need to follow."
1 Hound: "Observe everything, remember even more."
1 Hun-Grrr: "Eat only what you need -- destroy the rest."
1 Jawbreaker: "Laugh and the world laughs with you; howl and you howl
alone."
1 Kup: "The past is the greatest teacher."
1 Laserbeak: "The only point I like in Autobots: melting point."
1 Micromaster Sports Car Patrol: "It takes force to push back the
enemy, but speed clears the way!"
1 Mirage (orig.): "Who and what I am I hide from the enemy."
1 Pincher: "Be humble of word, but great in deed."
1 Punch/Counterpunch: "In my business, there are no friends, only
suspects."
1 Razorclaw (orig.): "All good things succumb to those who wait."
1 Scorponok (orig.): "Kindness is no virtue... and cruelty is no
vice."
1 Scourge (orig.): "Desolation follows in my trail."
1 Soundwave: "Cries and screams are music to my ears."
1 Starscream (orig.): "Conquest is made of the ashes of one's
enemies."
1 Swindle: "Make deals, not war!"
1 Tankor: "Among the winners, there is no room for the weak."
1 Thunderwing: "Cover yourself with lies and no one will find you."
1 Ultra Magnus: "Consistency is victory."
1 Vortex: "I'm Vortex, fly me -- if you dare!"
1 Wheelie: "Only the fierce shall live."
2 Cosmos: "Reach for the stars, but never leave your friends."
2 Fortress Maximus: "Prepare for war, but strive for peace."
2 Gears: "Nobody wins a war -- somebody loses."
2 Hot Rod: "My actions speak louder than words."
2 Jazz: "Do it with style or don't bother doing it."
2 Megatron (Transmetal 2): "What does not destroy me makes me strong
... what attempts to destroy me shall be obliterated!"
2 Nightglider: "Do not go gently into that good night."
2 Omega Supreme: "Unyielding resolve has no conqueror."
2 Scavenger (BM): "The road to ruin is short when I'm driving."
2 Scourge (Transmetal 2): "A plague upon all their houses!"
2 Shockwave: "Clarity of thought before rashness of action."
2 Springer: "Strength is more than physical."
2 Streetwise: "You have to know where you are before you know what to
do."
2 Windrazor (G2): "Show me an Autobot and I'll show you a hole in the
ground!"
3 Beachcomber: "Know the conflict within before facing the conflict
without."
3 Grimlock (orig.): "Among the winners, there is no room for the
weak."
3 Quake: "Nothing lasts forever ... so why not destroy it now?"
4 Tigerhawk: "Violence will not be tolerated -- surrender or be
destroyed."
6 Sideswipe: "I don't break the rules, I bend them -- a lot."
7 Megatron (orig.): "Peace through tyranny."
26 Optimus Prime (orig.): "Freedom is the right of all sentient
beings."
Optimus Prime! Again!
--Perceptor Prime
Ramjet likes toast! - Ramjet(revised edition)
--Robowang
Grimlock and Tankor's :"Among the winners, there is no room for the weak."
I'll go with Grimlock since he thought of it first.
--Brax Cardigan
Megatron - "Peace through tyranny"- see, he's actually a good guy!
--Iacon
Shockwave's "Clarity of thought before rashness of action." Good words for
any life situation, and the quote doesn't fall into the "cliched"
department, either.
--Joseph Bardsley
"The past is the greatest teacher." -Kup. I'm a history major, y'know.
--Suspsy
You mean there was one that didn't suck?
--Tut
D. DRONE: So tell me, Gryph, which quote is your favorite?
GRYPH: Definitely Razorclaw's -- "All good things succumb to those
who wait."
NIKAA: Figures. See what I mean about your pro-feline bias?
GRYPH: Actually, Nikaa, I chose that quote because it gives me the
patience I need to deal with YOU.
NIKAA: And all this time I thought you were in love with my sparkling
personality...! (grins)
GRYPH: I think I'm going to be sick...
---------------------------------------
*** Best Toy Gimmick
1 Action features (chest-beating, wings flapping, etc.)
1 Autorollers
1 Battlechargers
1 Big Convoy's weaponry
1 Cockpits
1 Decals
1 Handheld weapons
1 Megatron's (G2 tank) voice
1 Optimus Prime's trailer/combat deck
1 Tigerhawk's wings
2 Accessories
2 Buzzsaw's (Beast Machines) stinger
2 Cassette players
2 Color-changing
2 Die-cast metal parts
2 Double Targetmasters
2 Galvatron's (Beast Wars Second) spinning drill
2 Galvatron's (original) electric lights/sound
2 Jumpstarters
2 Minispies
2 Scattershot's cannon
2 Sonar's arm blades
2 Soundwave's tape deck
2 Transmetal 2 action features
2 Transmetal hand weapons
2 Turbomasters
3 Auto-transformation
3 Big Convoy's matrix
3 Blackarachnia's (Transmetal 2) kicking action
3 Decoys
3 Doubledealer's double Powermaster feature
3 Fortress Maximus' double-Headmaster feature
3 Henirad's alarm clock
3 Inferno's (BW) propeller
3 Jetfire's armor
3 Killerpunch's launching head
3 Longrack's claw
3 Motorized walking (Omega Supreme, Trypticon, etc.)
3 Pressure-sensitive missile launchers (Cyberjets, etc.)
3 Saberback's "flower trap" mode
3 Sound chips
3 Soundwave's batteries/guns
3 Spinning weapons
3 Transmetal vehicle modes
3 Triggerbots/Triggercons
3 Waspinator's (Transmetal) jet mode
4 Breastforce
4 Gatling guns
4 Throttlebots
5 Blackarachnia's (Transmetal 2) breastplate
5 Cities/Fortresses
5 Optimal Optimus' lights
5 Rampage's (Transmetal) tank mode/treads
6 Decepticon cassettes
6 Perceptor's working microscope
6 Transmetal 2s
7 Brainmasters
7 Cyberjets
7 Rotorforce
7 Spark-firing (Firecons, Sparkabots, etc.)
8 Water-squirting weapons
9 Action Masters
9 Megatron's (Transmetal 2) moving head/wings/tail
9 Micromasters
9 Pretenders
10 Disk launchers (Laser Rod Optimus Prime, Depth Charge, etc.)
11 Electric components/lights
12 Cassettes
14 Laser Rods/Swords
14 Multichangers (triplechangers, six-changers, etc.)
15 Ball joints/poseability
16 Powermasters
18 Glowing eyes/body parts
20 Rub signs
21 Hidden/integrated weaponry
23 Missile launchers/spring-loaded weapons
25 Targetmasters
32 Spark crystals
35 Triple-Changers
49 Transmetals
63 Headmasters
121 Combiners/Gestalts
Gestalts! Take that, Voltron! Form Blazing THIS!
--Joe Green
Soundwave and his cassettes then. And it had to be SOUNDWAVE. Blasters
cassettes were lame.
--Harri Jokinen
Firing weapons. In yer face, Bill Brady! (And Fox Kids, too.)
--White Cat
I like to say that the Actionmasters "second," and best, gimmick is that
they ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE THE ACTUAL CHARACTERS!!
--TV's Optimus
TM2 Blackarachnia's removable bra. It just brings a smile to my lips.
--Aaron Bourque
[I'll bet it does...]
The pictures in BWII Moons tummy :)
--Blue-Jackal
Original Cheetor -- Look! Shooting ass!
Bantor -- Look! Shooting ass!
Original Waspinator -- Notice trend?
--David "Walky" Willis
GRYPH: All too well.
NIKAA: Well, what did you expect from the master of kung-poo?
GRYPH: ...ohhhhhh no. You're going to turn anything I say into an
obscene joke, aren't you?
[Nikaa grins and whistles.]
---------------------------------------
*** Worst Toy of the Year
1 Archadis
1 Bazooka
1 Corhada
1 Iguanus (Transmetal 2)
1 Injector
1 Prowl (Transmetal 2)
1 Rhinox (Fox Kids)
1 Spittor (Transmetal 2)
1 Stampy
1 Tarantulas (Fox Kids)
1 Tigerhawk
2 Blackarachnia (Transmetal 2)
2 Bump
2 Buzzsaw (BM)
2 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
2 Hardhead (Beast Wars Neo)
2 Jawbreaker
2 Optimus Primal (BM)
2 Raatoraata (Japanese version of Injector)
2 Sling
3 Cheetor (BM)
3 Nightglider
3 Waspinator (Fox Kids)
4 Cybershark (Transmetal 2)
4 Megatron (Transmetal 2)
4 Scarem
4 Scourge (Transmetal 2)
5 Ramulus
6 Sonar
16 Cheetor (Transmetal 2)
34 Optimus Minor
Optimus Minor, the ultimate pegwarmer here. His beast mode looks just
ridiculous.
--BumbleBrawn
Optimus Minor, by a long shot. Words can't express how disgusted I am by
this toy. It has two stupid-looking modes and a boring transformation.
Totally worthless.
--Picard42
Optimus Minor (get it away from meeeeee!)
--Zinou
Eh, Scarem. It's a sad, sad day when we revert to the philosophy that a
Transformer doesn't actually need serviceable arms or legs... He's
basically a Transmetal 2 Throttlebot.
--Dave "Zobovor" Edwards
[But without the motor.]
Sonar, a toy that I often throw in the garbage can, only to take it back
out so I can experience the joy of throwing it away again later.
--PerceptorTFWW
Nightglider. Flying squirrel my turbo-charger.
--Scott E. Kampa
Animorphs Ultra Visser-3 "It transforms from What-the-hell-is-it to
What-the-hell-is-it to What-the-hell-is-it and BACK!" And have you
actually seen or played with the thing? It's CRAP! It truly deserves the
title, hands down. It's sooooo bad, that if I can't vote for it, then
I'll abstain from the category, since I'd hate to put anything else
released this year in the same category as that festering pile of steaming
elephant turds. Come to think of it, it's probably the worst Transformers
toy EVER! Inform McBeastWars Rhino, we have a new Grand Poobah
Looooo-ser!
--The Masked Bastich
Sonar. No, wait Jawbreaker.. no, Ramulus.. no, Scourge.. no, Cybershark...
Why are you making me choose?!?!?!? AAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!
--Retrax
D. DRONE: What is your choice for the worst toy of the year, Gryph?
GRYPH: Don't ask me -- I don't play with toys, unlike Nikaa here.
NIKAA: Toys would be wasted on a sourpuss like you anyway. She's
so big and clumsy that she'd go through toys like a tornado in
a trailer park.
GRYPH: Brave talk for a sticky-fingered thief who's wanted on ten
planets!
NIKAA: Eleven, dear. But she doesn't need toys anyway -- just get
her a ball of yarn and she'll be amused for hours.
GRYPH: How about if I amuse myself with your entrails instead?
---------------------------------------
*** Worst Toy Tech-Spec Quote
1 Afterburner (G2): "Brute force is not my way. My technology can
devise infinitely more successful, subtle, and unpleasant
methods..."
1 Antagony: "Prepare for Armageddon."
1 Blackarachnia (Transmetal 2): "I use deception for the purpose of
good -- I use it a lot."
1 Blaze Master: "Look out below."
1 Bluestreak: "I never met a Decepticon I didn't dislike."
1 Bumblebee: "The least likely can be the most dangerous."
1 Calcar: "It doesn't matter who suffers, it only matters that evil
wins the day."
1 Cheetor (BM): "Quick action equals quick victory!"
1 Computron: "Complete data analysis is essential for the synthesis of
successful strategy."
1 Electro (G2): "I'm turbocharged and livin' large!"
1 Fastlane: "Either your'e out of my way or out of luck."
1 Grimlock (orig.): "Among the winners, there is no room for the
weak."
1 Hooligan: "I'll break your funny bone!"
1 Hot Spot: "Rust never sleeps, and neither do I."
1 Iguanus (Transmetal 2): "The shortest distance between two Maximal
points is a heat-seeking missile."
1 Inferno (orig.): "Where there's smoke, there's me."
1 Lightspeed (G2): "Space travel is the only flight to freedom."
1 Megatron (orig.): "Peace through tyranny."
1 Megatron (Transmetal 2): "What does not destroy me makes me strong
... what attempts to destroy me shall be obliterated!"
1 Micromaster Monster Truck Patrol: "We're a giant wall of Autobot
Might!"
1 Optimus Primal (BM): "Organic life is often hidden, sometimes
overcome, but seldom extinguished!"
1 Ratbat: "The road is my dinner plate."
1 Rodimus Prime: "Experience is the benchmark of maturity."
1 Scavenger (BM): "The road to ruin is short when I'm driving."
1 Skyfall: "Flying is the ultimate freedom."
1 Stalker: "Hate till it hurts and then hate some more."
1 Sureshot (G2): "Believing in yourself improves your aim better than
target practice."
1 Windcharger: "Quick action equals quick victory."
2 High Beam: "Let's get busy!"
2 Jawbreaker: "Laugh and the world laughs with you; howl and you howl
alone."
2 Optimus Primal (BW bat): "The Maximals and I have no choice but to
stop Megatron and his Predacon minions before they destroy us all!
Freedom may be the right of all sentient beings, but to protect
the greater good we must vanquish the earth from these evil
Predacon creatures! It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever
is!"
2 Oynx Primal: "...and I will strike down with great vengeance and
furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my
brothers, and you will know my name is Oynx when I lay my
vengeance apon [sic] thee."
2 Scourge (Transmetal 2): "A plague upon all their houses!"
2 Skram: "Hey, loosen up, guys! Saving the universe can't be that big
of a deal!"
2 Tankor: "Among the winners, there is no room for the weak."
2 Wheelie: "Only the fierce shall live."
3 Megatron (BW alligator): "Prosper or perish is the Predacon way, and
we intend to survive by driving the Maximals into extinction!
Optimus Primal thinks he can challenge our strength, but he has
yet to feel the painful punishment I'll give him as I sink my
teeth into his furry flesh. He may still be a robot on the
inside, but on the outside ... he's my lunch!"
3 Nightglider: "Do not go gently into that good night."
3 Spittor (Transmetal 2): "I'm mean to the core...I got meanness
oozing out of every pore."
4 Buzzsaw (BM): "I float like a butterfly but sting like a bee!"
10 Soundwave (orig.): "Cries and screams are music to my ears."
18 Blowout: "Want to race?"
"Want to race?" from Blowout. I don't know about anybody else, but I know
I now understand all of his fears, hopes, and dreams.
--Scott E. Kampa
"Want to race?" really does pale in comparison to the majority of the
European-exclusive toys' quotes... "The Decepticons are super-duper really
evil!" "We Decepticons are super-duper really evil!"
--M "XXXXX" Sipher
"Only the fierce shall live." - Wheelie. My only gripe about this quote is
that it doesn't read "I'm a dork, please shoot me repeatedly, preferably
with Rhinox's chain guns!"
--Srini Varanasi
Soundwave: "Cries and screams are music to my ears" -- the only cries and
screams this qoute's gonna get is "SUCK!!!"
--Metallitron
Cheetor's...if he's supposed to be maturing, why in the hell does he have
such a juvenille quote? "Quick Action Equals Quick Victory'. Christ, the
only thing worse would be something like, "I'm built for speed, and ready
for action!"
--Freds Workshop
I dunno, really... Probably Waspinator's, although I can't remember how it
goes right now.
--Ellen Brand
[Wonder why? B-]
Beast Machines Optimus Primal-- "Organic life is often hidden, sometimes
overcome, but seldom extinguished!" God, it's even worse than the way
Mirage, like ninja in the night, strikes swiftly and unseen.
--Playground Psychotic
GRYPH: I don't understand why everyone votes for Blowout's quote.
NIKAA: That's because it's shallow and superficial, just like you.
GRYPH: Shut up, rat!
[Gryph swipes at Nikaa, who nimbly jumps out of the way. Nikaa smirks
back and sticks out his tongue.]
GRYPH: ...what I meant was, there are other quotes which are so much
worse.
D. DRONE: Such as?
GRYPH: The Beast Wars Optimus Primal/Megatron ones, for instance.
How trite can you get?
NIKAA: In your case, VERY!
GRYPH: SHUT UP, rat!
---------------------------------------
*** The Earth Day Award, for the best reuse of a character's name
1 Bonecrusher (BW)
1 Cybershark (Transmetal 2)
1 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
1 Grimlock (BW)
1 Grimlock (Pretender)
1 Iguanus (Transmetal 2)
1 Ironhide (Magnaboss)
1 Jawbreaker (Transmetal 2)
1 Megatron (Combat Hero)
1 Megatron (G2 tank)
1 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
1 Sandstorm
2 Mirage (BM)
2 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
2 Scavenger (Transmetal)
2 Scorponok (BW)
2 Windrazor
3 Megatron (Transmetal 2)
4 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
4 Megatron (Transmetal)
5 Megatron (BW T-Rex)
5 Thrust (BM)
6 Scavenger (BM)
8 Scourge (Transmetal 2)
9 Rampage (BW)
11 Jetstorm (BM)
14 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
16 Prowl (Transmetal 2)
26 Inferno (BW)
G1 Inferno, friendly neighborhood firefighter, meet BW Inferno, sadistic
kamikaze pyromaniac.
--Joe Green
Jetstorm, the best reuse is one like this, where the character makes you
forget that the name belonged to TFs before
--Ty Stalnaker
Rampage. After "Razorclaw" the tiny Beast Wars crab, I feared the re-use
of another G1 Predacon name. But the Beast Warrior not only lives up to
the name, he makes it more his own than the G1 guy ever did. It really
fits his manic-depressive, berzerker, I-will-eat-you-while-you-are-still-
alive attitude.
--Robert Powers
Injector, because it wasn't reused.
--Sean
TM2 Prowl. The toy wouldn't have been as appealing if Hasbro had named it
Hootorr or Owlox.
--WarWolf
Galvatron of BWII. If at first you don't succeed, try again and give the
name to a *decent* character:)
--Blue-Jackal
No such thing. Rehashing names is simply a bad promotional tool and a
sign of lack of creativity on the part of the toy producers
--Mischa Gelman
Why they should do this? Can't they be original?? Helloooo???
--Saudade
NIKAA: "Hootorr"? (grins) There's a name that DEFINITELY belongs to
a femme!
GRYPH: *Sigh* Can't you EVER act mature for a moment, Nikaa?
NIKAA: Are you kidding? SOMEONE has to counter your never-ending
"gloom and doom" angst-fest, Gryph.
D. DRONE: I fail to understand ... if you two irritate each other so
much, why are you together?
GRYPH: It's a long and unpleasant story.
NIKAA: The short answer is that we're Interfaced with each other, so
we can't separate no matter how much we want to.
GRYPH: Now you see why I'm always in a foul mood -- being stuck with
Nikaa for eternity will try ANYONE'S patience...
---------------------------------------
*** The Grave-Spinning Award, for the worst reuse of a character's name
1 Cheetor (Transmetal 2)
1 Dead End (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Hardhead (Beast Wars Neo)
1 Iguanus (BW)
1 Ironhide (Gobot)
1 Jetfire (Cyberjet)
1 Jetstorm (BM)
1 Megatron (Transmetal)
1 Optimus Prime (Gobot)
1 Prowl (Magnaboss Component)
1 Prowl (Machine Wars)
1 Rampage (BW)
1 Rattrap (BM)
1 Sandstorm (Machine Wars)
1 Scavenger (BM)
1 Scavenger (BW)
1 Scavenger (Transmetal 2)
1 Scourge (BW)
1 Skywarp (Beast Wars Second)
1 Starscream (Beast Wars Second)
2 Bonecrusher (BW)
2 Buzzsaw (BM)
2 Grimlock (BW)
2 Ironhide (G2 Power Master)
2 Megatron (Gobot)
3 Inferno (BW)
3 Lazorbeak (BW)
3 Megatron (Machine Wars)
3 Silverbolt (Magnaboss eagle)
3 Snarl (BW)
4 Megatron (BW alligator)
4 Scourge (Transmetal 2)
6 Megatron (Bw T-Rex)
6 Scavenger (Transmetal)
6 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
7 Prowl (Transmetal 2)
7 Thrust (BM)
9 Scorponok (BW)
15 Soundwave (Gobot)
16 Mirage (BM)
Mirage. That Vehicon is a insult to my namesake.
--Mirage
Scavenger. First he's a dopey, but funny constructicon. Then he's a poor
Transmetal toy. Then he's a (shudder) Beast Machines toy. Poor guy must be
spinning so hard, he's popped out from sheer torque.
--Max Fauth
Scorponok. When I think Scorponok I think "big ass battle fortress that
turns into a scorpion" not twerpy shell head with a bee.
--Ben "Prowlus" Anthony Foong
Prowl. He's now an owl. I can count how long it probably took someone to
think of that- in seconds- on one finger. And still have part of a finger
left.
--Brax Cardigan
Ironhide the Euro G2 Powermaster. If Megatron hadn't killed him, that
sure would have.
--Thylacine 2000
Without question, MW Megatron. I still cannot believe I spent as much
money in shipping and exchange as I did to have most of the MW toys mailed
to me, and Megatron in particular made me wish I'd spent that part of my
paycheck on something more useful...new curtains, perhaps...
--Joseph Bardsley
Lazorbeak. LaSER! LaSER!
--James Moar
They all are the worst. It's a pity that Hasbro has to legally reuse the
names in order to keep them. Mind you, that's only what they say - I don't
see them naming a tank Luke Skywalker to keep the trademark.
--Charlotte Brogden
[Nikaa rummages through his coat pockets, then pulls out a scroll of
paper. He unrolls it open and starts to read, as the tail rolls across
the stage.]
D. DRONE: What is that?
NIKAA: Just a list of all the Star Wars toys ever made.
GRYPH: I'm afraid to ask, but WHY are you carrying a list of every
Star Wars toy ever made with you?
NIKAA: It's something to read while I'm in the bathroom. Ah, here
we are, "Luke Skywalker"...
[Gryph and the Diagnostic Drone read over his shoulder.]
D. DRONE: "'Star Wars' Luke SkyWalker."
NIKAA: "'Empire Strikes Back' Luke Skywalker."
GRYPH: "'Return of the Jedi' Luke Skywalker."
D. DRONE: "'Power of the Force' Luke Skywalker."
GRYPH: "X-Wing pilot Luke Skywalker."
D. DRONE: "Luke Skywalker walking in Bespin fatigues."
GRYPH: "Luke Skywalker STANDING in Bespin fatigues."
NIKAA: What next, "Luke Skywalker ing in Bespin fatigues?"
GRYPH: Oh, quiet ... "Hoth battle gear Luke Skywalker."
D. DRONE: "Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker."
NIKAA: "Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker, theater edition."
GRYPH: Theater edition?
NIKAA: (as Jetstorm) Gotta catch 'em all!
D. DRONE: "Battle poncho Luke Skywalker."
GRYPH: "Stormtrooper disguise Luke Skywalker."
NIKAA: "Luke Skywalker in Dagobah fatigues."
GRYPH: Guess he got tired of the Bespin fatigues.
D. DRONE: "Imperial Guard disguise Luke Skywalker."
NIKAA: "Luke Skywalker with T-16 skyhopper model."
GRYPH: "Ceremonial outfit Luke Skywalker."
D. DRONE: "Endor gear Luke Skywalker."
GRYPH: "Blast shield Luke Skywalker."
NIKAA: Well, I'M convinced.
D. DRONE: Yes, it would appear that Hasbro has the Luke Skywalker
trademark protected for the next six million years.
---------------------------------------
*** The "Fan-riffic!" Award, for the Transformers toy that's the most fun
to play with
1 Afterburner
1 Bruticus
1 Cheetor (BM)
1 Cheetor (Fox Kids)
1 Cybershark (orig.)
1 Cybershark (Transmetal 2)
1 Cyclonus
1 Galvatron (Beast Wars Second)
1 Grimlock (orig.)
1 Hook
1 Hot Rod
1 Iguanus (Transmetal 2)
1 Jawbreaker
1 Jetstorm (BM)
1 Longrack
1 Mach Kick
1 Magnaboss
1 Megatron (BW T-Rex)
1 Megatron (G2 tank)
1 Metals Jaguar
1 Metroplex
1 Mirage (BM)
1 Misfire
1 Nightbeat
1 Optimus Primal (gorilla)
1 Overkill
1 Quickstrike
1 Ransack
1 Scorponok (orig.)
1 Scourge (Transmetal 2)
1 Space Case
1 Spittor (Transmetal 2)
1 Starscream (orig.)
1 Tarantulas (Transmetal)
1 Terragator
1 Terrorsaur (orig.)
1 Throttlebots
1 Thrust (Beast Wars Second)
1 Victory Leo
1 Wheelie
2 Autolauncher
2 Big Convoy
2 Blackarachnia (Transmetal 2)
2 Countdown/Rocket Base
2 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
2 Dreadwing/Smokescreen
2 Galvatron (orig.)
2 Hooligan/Jetfire
2 Optimus Prime (orig.)
2 Silverbolt (Fuzor)
2 Snapdragon
2 Soundwave (orig.)
3 Depth Charge
3 Megatron (orig.)
3 Megatron (Transmetal)
3 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
3 Ultra Magnus
4 Cheetor (Transmetal)
4 Fortress Maximus
4 Optimus Minor
4 Rampage (BW)
4 Scavenger (BM)
5 Shockwave (orig.)
5 Tigerhawk
7 Jetfire (orig.)
7 Optimus Prime (Laser Rod)
7 Sixshot
8 Megatron (Transmetal 2)
10 Optimal Optimus
Optimal Optimus. The design philosophy behind him is sheer genius. He's
huge, he's super-poseable, he's solid, he's durable! This is what G1 toys
should have been like. It doesn't *matter* that it takes a while to
transform him, since he's so much fun in each mode! Hasbro finally
figured out that just because he's a huge toy does not mean he has to have
a whole mess of annoying little accessories. All of the Optimus toys have
been designed really well, but ol' Pop Op takes the oil cake
--Dave "Zobovor" Edwards
Ravage (Beast Wars Metals). Flick-activated John Woo action! And an
optional little Megatron in his chest! Whee!
--SwiftEagle
TM2 Cybershark. (He _is_!)
--Polaris
BW Megatron. Not that, ahem, I still play with toys... yeah...
--Corbett Owen
Optimus Minor! He's cool in all modes. He's the best basic ever, easily.
In my dreams, I am Optimus Minor.
--Brian Kilby
Longrack. Launch claw! Retract claw! Launch claw! Retract claw! Launch
claw! Retract claw! Launch claw! Retract claw! Ad eternium.
--Thylacine 2000
Wheelie. I assume that I'm allowed to have an axe in my other hand :)
--Daff
NIKAA: White Dove's not nearby, is she?
GRYPH: Oh, I don't know. She might have enjoyed this one.
D. DRONE: Why do you say that?
GRYPH: What if he slips?
---------------------------------------
*** The New 'n Improved Award, for the Transformers toy you most want to
see redesigned and rereleased with modern technologies
1 Blaster (orig.)
1 Brawn
1 Cyclonus
1 Deathsaurus
1 Dinobot (Transmetal 2)
1 Double Punch (Action Master Elite)
1 Drill Bit
1 Jazz (Pretender)
1 Megatron (Transmetal)
1 Metroplex
1 Optimus Primal (Bw gorilla)
1 Perceptor
1 Rodimus Prime
1 Scorponok (orig.)
1 Snapdragon
1 Spinister
1 Springer
1 Superion
1 Swoop
1 Tankor
1 Thunderwing
1 Victory Leo
1 Wheelie
2 Hot Rod
2 Megatron (G2)
2 Menasor
2 Starscream (Machine Wars)
3 Bumblebee (orig.)
3 Devastator
3 Optimus Prime (Powermaster)
3 Predaking
3 Prowl (orig.)
3 Sky Lynx
3 Ultra Magnus
4 Bludgeon
4 Galvatron (orig.)
4 Grimlock (orig.)
5 Jazz (orig.)
5 Omega Supreme
5 Shockwave (orig.)
5 Sixshot
6 Fortress Maximus
7 Soundwave (orig.)
8 Jetfire (orig.)
10 Skywarp/Starscream/Thundercracker (orig.)
12 Ironhide/Ratchet
12 Optimus Prime (orig.)
15 Megatron (orig.)
Gen 1 Megatron. Never gonna happen, but I can dream.
--Aaron Bourque
Predaking. oooooooh baby!
--Shatter
Optimus Prime. The original toy is looking kinda crappy, now...
--Corbett Owen
Ummmm...none of them.
--Freds Workshop
All of them!!
--Saudade
[Have fun, you two.]
Skywarp. We deserve a Seeker mold that's not a brick with stick-on parts,
darnit!
--Robert Powers
Bumblebee as a new VW Bug! A must-have!
--TV's Optimus
Ironhide. His new toy should make use of modern technologies such as, oh,
I don't know, maybe ACTUALLY HAVING A HEAD!!!
--Srini Varanasi
NIKAA: A headless Ironhide sounds like a great idea -- just rename it
"Movie Edition Ironhide" and it'd sell by the thousands!
---------------------------------------
*** Best Merchandise Item of All Time
1 Backpack
1 Beast Wars Gameboy Color game
1 Beast Wars mutating card game
1 Bed comforter
1 Bedsheets
1 Bluestreak 3D puzzle
1 Books 'N' Tape
1 BotCon '99 mosaic posters
1 Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books
1 Comic books
1 Commodore 64 computer game
1 Decepticon logo sticker
1 Decepto-Pack
1 Drinking cups
1 Glow-in-the-dark poster
1 Japanese Metals Monuments BW Megatron
1 Jigsaw puzzles
1 Lazer Blazer 3-D stickers
1 Microverse sets
1 Optimus Prime bedroom slippers
1 Optimus Prime Halloween costume
1 Optimus Prime pencil topper
1 Optimus Prime vinyl figure
1 Panini sticker album
1 Play tent
1 Ravage hologram wallet
1 Rumble voice changer
1 Soundwave decoy
1 Soundwave design center
1 Soundwave quilt
1 Stamp bots
1 Transformers curtains
1 T-shirts
1 Underwear/Underoos
1 Voice changer
1 Wallpaper
1 Wheeljack doorbell
2 BotCon '99 watches
2 Metal Force Convoy
2 Starcream inflatable lounge-in
2 S.T.A.R.S. Autobot base playset
2 Tyco transforming electric train set
2 Warren Transformers activity center/playset
3 Action/Trading cards
3 Lunchboxes
3 Optimus Prime cookie jar
3 Optimus Prime inflatable bop bag
3 UK comics
4 Soundwave tape player
5 Cartoon videos
5 Optimus Prime oral care station
5 Transformers: The Movie video
6 Transformers: The Movie soundtrack
8 Botcon '97 CD set ('Til All Are One)
The BotCon '97 "Till All Are One" CD set. Vince DiCola rocks the free
world.
--Philip N. Zeman
Inflatable Starscream.. even just the name is cool
--Jasper van den Brink
Optimus Prime oral care center. I want to meet whoever came up with this
one and shake his hand. :)
--ZacWilliam
Metal Force Convoy hands down...
--Dan Khanna
Does the lil cardboard S.T.A.R.S. base count? I still have mine. Part of
my collection is throwing a party in there... (standing room only... I
need more space...)
--Stacy "White Dove" Shamblin
Optimus Prime fuzzy slippers. Come on, guys! They're CUTE!
--Ellen Brand
The Wheeljack door chime. You almost expect it to explode when you use
it.
--Stanley Lui
D. DRONE: I am curious, Gryph. All this time on stage, you've remained
in your griffin mode. Do you have a transformation?
GRYPH: Of course. But to be honest, I rather enjoy this mode,
especially when I have to be around Nikaa.
D. DRONE: Why is that?
NIKAA: Because she knows I can't stand the smell of wet cat fur--
[Without warning, Gryph's tail wraps itself around Nikaa's body and hoists
him high into the air. She lifts him over her back, batters him with her
flapping wings, then kicks him with her left hindleg. Nikaa is then
dumped unceremoniously back onto the stage, whereupon Gryph pins him to
the floor with her right foreclaws.]
GRYPH: (smiles) Did you say something, mouse?
NIKAA: Uh ... nothin' ... didn't say nothin'...
D. DRONE: Ah. Remind me not to get on your bad side.
---------------------------------------
*** Strangest Merchandise Item of All Time
1 Beast Wars 2 cardboard bird-dart gun
1 Beast Wars 2 yo-yo
1 Beast Wars backpack
1 Bed tent
1 Bedtrays
1 Bluestreak 3D puzzle
1 Electronic voice changer
1 Halloween costumes
1 Happy Meals Transformers toys
1 Hat
1 Jetfire carnival glass
1 Optimus Prime inflatable bop bag
1 Optimus Prime sandbot
1 Optimus Prime sunglasses
1 Shampoo
1 Shoes
1 Skywarp soap dish
1 Soundwave design center
1 Toast mold
1 Toothpaste
1 Transformers slippers
1 Transformers story record
1 Tyco transforming train set
1 Wallpaper
2 Bed sheets
2 Inflatable Unicron promotional hanger
2 Megatron gumball machine
2 Omega Supreme bar soap
2 Starscream kite
2 Transforming Big Wheel tricycle
2 Ultra Magnus voice changer
3 Starscream inflatable lounge-in
3 Wheeljack doorbell
4 Optimus Prime cookie jar
14 Underwear/Underoos
31 Optimus Prime oral care station
Optimus Prime Oral Care station. Did you even need me to answer that?
--Polaris
Wheeljack doorbell. If they REALLY wanted to make this more like the show,
it should blow up when the button is pushed!
--Defcon
[This sounds familiar...]
Optimus Prime Noggin And Cookie Jar. "Look, mom! I'm eating Optimus
Prime's BRAINS!"
--Hooper_X
The Transformers Toast Mold-- and as far as I know, I'm the only person
who has ever seen this. It's this red plastic thingie that you press into
a slice of toast, and it leaves an imprint of Optimus Prime's box art
(greatly simplified) on the bread. (I'm NOT making this up...)
--Playground Psychotic
Transformers Wallpaper. It's cool, but you have to wonder why any company
would make it...
--Avias
[To sell to the people who'd eat Optimus Prime toast, perhaps?]
Underwear. I would not want to say that my private parts have touched the
greatest leader of them all... particularly not when in a church.
--Joona I Palaste
That Jar Jar Binks lolipop thing where you're supposed to suck on his
tounge. That's just wrong. What? Oh, you ment for Transformers.... well
that's still just WRONG.
--ZacWilliam
[Nikaa gets up, slightly scruffled, and brushes dust off his clothes.]
NIKAA: Oh, this is great ... Gryph, do you know how much it costs to
have this dry cleaned?
GRYPH: Try asking me if I care.
NIKAA: No, because I KNOW the answer to that one ... I don't know
about the rest of you, but I think the Starscream inflatable
lounge-in should have won this award by a landslide.
D. DRONE: It is rather bizarre, but perhaps the voters felt that the
Oral Care Center was even stranger.
GRYPH: Either that, or the idea of riding on an inflatable Starscream
appeals to a lot of people.
NIKAA: Oh, that's just SICK...
---------------------------------------
*** The "Justifiable Murder" Award, for the most desired merchandise item
you want
1 Arcee vinyl model kit
1 Beast Wars Gameboy Color game
1 Beast Wars jigsaw puzzles
1 Bedsheets
1 BotCon '97 painted decoys/movie storyboard panels
1 BotCon '99 pins
1 BotCon '99 Predacon watch
1 Decoys
1 Elita-1 vinyl model kit
1 Glow-in-the-dark poster
1 Inflatable Unicron promotional hanger
1 Jetfire carnival glass
1 Lunchbox
1 Megatron (Beast Wars) keychain
1 Metalforce Optimus Prime
1 Optimus Prime cake decoration/cake topper
1 Optimus Prime oral care station
1 Second Commodore 64 game
1 Soundwave and Megatron placemat
1 Soundwave beach blanket