BotCon '96 - Lizard

Nothing like a week of 11-hour days to make sure your time on the net is at a minimum. Sheesh.

Be that as it may...it's time for Lizards Late And Probably Utterly Unoriginal Botcon Review!

Executive Summary

What they said.

Non-Executive Summary

Friday: Got up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head...no wait. It was actually a brush, one which contains (this is not a joke) a concealed dagger, non-mettalic. It is also my only brush, so I continually bring it onto planes. It doesn't set off X-rays, but one of these days, someone's going to actually inspect my baggage and boy, will I have explaining to do. In any event, I had a nice ride via Marin Airporter to SF International, which is both an airport and a movie featured on MST3K. Make of that what you will.

Plane ride was uneventful, surpisingly so. Lizard *hates* flying. Lizard's sinuses (which those of you who met me now know, occupy 95% of my body mass) tend to dislike sudden changes in pressure. But I managed to make it into Chicago sans migraine, only to remember I forgot the hotel name. (Lizard's organizational ability is on par with Ryoga's map-reading ability) 'Rosemont Clarion' seemed to ring a bell, so I asked the cabbie to take me there, got off, wandered into the hotel, and noticed a long line-o-geeky-looking-types. Bingo! (I consider myself to be quintessentially geeky looking)

Hotel rooms are available in the 'not' mode, so I wander off to the Ramada. 89.00/night. Eh. I can deal. Hotel room is nice enough, bigger than the apartment I had in New York. Dump bags on bed, head back to con.

First serious lack of warm fuzzy feeling begins when no one, including MIB, seems to have half a clue as to who is to line up where to do what. Apparently, anyone not prepared to rush the dealers room in a mad frenzy of insane buying is to go to the back of the line. It's pretty obvious who this con is aimed at. Nonetheless, I run into several people I know from a.t.t. on line (online on line, get it! I kill me.), including Robert Jung, Astrotrain, and Cosmos. Cosmos says she missed the ending of my Transformers vs. Borg story. In a style stolen from JMS, I merely reply, "The Transformers win."

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Wait wait wait.

Finally get to register. Get my t-shirt, get my Onyx Primal. Not having ever seen Pulp Fiction, and considering the Bible to be Malicious Fiction, I thought at the time the quote was original, and fairly cool. The beginnings of a fanfic epic of twin brothers, one a pompous twit, the other a cold-blooded killer, begin percolating.

What don't I get? Well, a badge. "Hello, my name is:"????? PLEASE! I've been conning for a long time, and I've never seen one run this amateurly. Our annual 'house cons' in NYC were better run than this! At least they had badges. Program book? What program book? A printer error? You planned this con six months ago and the program book doesn't go the printer until the day before?

Well, TF the movie+cake+punch at 9:00. Nifty!

Met up with a large group of people, including Astrotrain. We all go out to eat. I have scallops. I'm sure the thousands of people on several continents who are reading this are thrilled to know this tidbit. It might come up on Jeapardy someday.

After dinner:Run into Robert Jung again. Meet Raksha. Get pricing info on a gun form Megatron, my primary toy goal.

9:00:No TF the movie. 'Ultimate Doom', though, which I haven't seen in ages. Amusing enough.

At last! The movie! A virgin tape! Which doesn't work! Get another tape! Doesn't work! Hey, does anyone know how to work this thing? Cake and ice cream and punch? Well, one out of three ain't bad. Forks? Fork you! Lizard eats with his hands, which isn't out of character for him, but I was making at least a a vague effort to be polite. It failed.

Movie was enthusiastically MSTed by the fans. There's a bit of conflict over whether such activity is rude or fun. Basically, my thesis is that if I wish to watch the move in quite contemplative meditation, that's what VCR's are for. When with a group of fans, watching videos is an active, not passive, experience. I can understand the other point of view, though. In the future, all video sessions should be declared 'MSTing' or 'Non-MSTing' beforehand.

After movie, Lizard is tired. Sleep I go.

No, you won't hear about my dreams. Not if Senator Exon is listening.

Saturday: Dealers room opens for us lowly peons at 9 AM. I get there about 9:30, cash in hand. Buy buy buy. Buy a few micromasters, loose. Find a gun form Megs! With all his kibble! Buy buy. Decide to grab 'Grimzilla'. Buy buy. Pick up last years program book. Compare it to this years program book. Don't know whether to laugh or cry. (Who wrote the descriptions on the character cards on the back, BTW?)

Lunch. McDonalds. Back to hotel room, inspect purchases. Time for Kenner panel!

Kenner panel has been described elsewhere. Someone asks if 'the bee' will be in the cartoon. Hey, thinks Lizard! Jameel must be here! But I can't see clearly who asked the question.

Beast Wars is shown. Somewhat better than I remembered it, actually. The opening fight scene seemed less confusing. Met Kendrick, Jameel, and several others. Ask about foodage plans. They're heading out. Raksha mentioned an a.t.t get-together for dinner, so I look for a cluster. I see Robert. We talk about fanfic. If I take yet more time off from "Renegades" to write "Dealer's Choice", you can blame him. He'll know what I'm talking about, though I probably won't use that title. Too obvious.

I am sent to get Raksha, et al, from their room. The quest fails. When there are more than n people in a room, the time taken to get all of them ready to leave at once approaches infinity. Robert comes up to get *me*. Eventually, we make it out.

Well, not quite. First, we divide into cars. I end up in a comfy minivan. Nixtr ends up squashed in the back of Soundwave. (Maybe we should rename him 'Rumble'?) Nixtr doesn't have a subspace-compression unit, though. Ouch.

We go to where there are resteraunts. We talk about restauraunts. We think KFC sounds passable. Someone's a vegetarian. Eeny Meenie Minie Mo. How about this place over here? Sounds good. Hey wait! Screams yours truly. There's a Little Ceasers in the K-mart across the street! A k-mart? They sell TOYS there! Let's go.

We terrify the Little Ceasers people. We then go to the toy aisle. Three words:Magic Fingers Rumble. We make lots of jokes about the toys. Lots of jokes about anything else we see. Scare more mundanes. I resist the urge to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of 'Freaking the Mundanes' (to the tune of 'Waltzing Matilda') mainly because I couldn't carry a tune if it had handles.

Eventually, the evening draws to close. What now? Let's go to Toys-R-Us! Where is a TRU? No one knows. Back to hotel? Seems good.

Quest for VCR is on! Cool tapes await, if only VCR can be found. I need a quick break from the crowd, and go to watch Japanese Headmasters eps for a while. I wander back. As expected, everyone has vanished. ("OK, Lizard's gone! Let's split!") Using my web of contacts, I find out where they've gotten to. I go. Ha ha ha! Soon they shall all pay!

Go to room. (Roberts room?) Look at toys. I figure out a triple-changer all by myself, but I'm outclassed by a seven-changer. Hmf. Find bed space. Someone brings doughnuts! Mmmmm....doughnuts. Someone else goes to buy overpriced soda. Sugar AND caffeine...and transformers. Life is good. 'Anatomically Correct Arcee' has already been described.

Go down to watch clips from post-TF Japanese anime. VERY cool clips, but Lizard is getting tired, so I stagger off early. Pity...it seems I missed the evil killer violin. Maybe next year.

Sunday: I awake! Head over to Clarion, meet Raksha and Robert again. Hang out a bit, helping Raksha+co get stuff straightened out, then there is a general breakfast consensus. Money problems. Robert offers to pay. Thank you, Robert! Hmmm...buffet sounds good. Hmmm...buffet is not. Waiter and cook yell at each other. Waiter apologizes profusely. Free stuff is offered. We accept.

I am waiting for something to happen in the event space. (Did I mention that the 'event room', 'film room', and 'dealers room' are all ONE room?) Raksha asks me to snakesit. I accept. I quickly learn that a curious, friendly snake is a)as hard to hold onto as a kitten, and b)a lot stronger. After Avatar has managed to make friends with everyone in the vicinity, I finally get her curled up and seemingly asleep on my lap. Awwww. What a sweet little snakey-wakey she is! (Yes, I get sickeningly cute over almost any animal...it's humans I can't stand) Hmmm. Minor numbness in leg, but I don't want to move and get her all riled up again, now that she's calm. Major numbness in leg. Total nerve-death of leg. Ah, well, replacement limbs are coming along nicely. Abscond my duty? Never! A lizard is faithful, one hundred percent. Raksha arrives. I stagger off, and quickly earn a grant from the ministry of silly walks. Count toes. All there. Cool.

Back to dealer room. Will be leaving soon enough. Nothing much is happening, so I reach into bag-o-goodies, and pull out 'When Continents Collide!', a book-record set. Robert Jung provides the beeps, and I do my best to provide a dramatic reading of this stunning tale. A good time is had by all, and we all think that next year's Botcon must have an official 'story time' event.

Time to go. Pack bags, say goodbye. Get on shuttle. Get to airport. Have VERY frustrating time because the people in charge of boarding got confused as to what type of plane we were going on. Get home two hours late. Arrrgh.

And here I am!

(Addendum:Most of what everyone else has said re:MIB and the shoddy way they ran the con, I agree with, so the above is more a stream-of-semiconsciousness recollection than a detailed review.)