Eagle-eyed readers will note that there was no Transformers: The MSTing show produced in 2002. This was due to circumstances beyond our control; the writing team was busy writing jokes for the BotCon 2002 show when we received word from 3H Productions that all fan panels would be dropped due to scheduling difficulties.
Most of the work did not go to waste, and most of the never-presented 2002 TFMSTing material ended up being presented a year later, at the Official Transformers Collectors' Convention 2003 in Chicago, Illinois (yes, even the opening song parody of "Dare" was written 18 months before it was finally performed).
One skit that didn't make the final cut, however, was this one. Written by yours truly in the Spring of 2002, it was originally intended to be the final closing skit of the show. Unfortunately, it's a very topical piece, and by Summer 2003 it was too dated to be used.
So instead of consigning it to the dustbin of obscurity, it's presented here for your reading pleasure. Just imagine that it's the Summer of 2002, and you're at BotCon, watching the Transformers: The MSTing show come to a close when the lights come up and this skit begins...
"Reality Can Bite Me"
[Lights come up. Doug and Phil are sitting in their seats, looking awkward. Sipher watches them expectantly, but they don't do anything.] SIPHER : Uh, guys...? [No response. Pause a beat.] SIPHER : Doug? Phil? C'mon, guys, we've got one more bit to do. PHIL : (wary) Uhhhh... DOUG : (cautious) Uh, no offense, Sipher, but... maybe we shouldn't. SIPHER : What do you mean? (pause) Oh! No, no, Doug, we decided we're NOT going to have Phil strip for the audience. DOUG : No, Sipher... I mean... well, I just don't feel funny right now. PHIL : Yeah, Siph. It just seems ... wrong, y'know? SIPHER : Whaddaya mean, "wrong"? DOUG : Well, c'mon, Sipher. A lot of serious stuff has happened in the last year. PHIL : Like 9/11. DOUG : Yeah. And all those terrorist threats. PHIL : Anthrax scares. DOUG : The whole mess in the middle east. PHIL : Don't forget India and Pakistan. DOUG : As if. And what about Enron? PHIL : And Worldcom. DOUG : The environment's getting worse, too. PHIL : Hey, Doug's from Texas -- when he says the air is bad, you KNOW it's bad. DOUG : Yep. And gas prices are going up. SIPHER : There, that takes care of the pollution problem! PHIL : No it won't. And Amtrak just kicked the bucket. DOUG : (sighs) Face it, Sipher... it's just weird. When you think about all the problems out there, three guys telling bad jokes about toy robots seems ...improper. PHIL : Disrespectful. DOUG : Frivolous. PHIL : Yeah, that too. (pause) SIPHER : I can't believe I'm hearing this. PHIL : Why not? (As Sipher talks, his voice gets louder and stronger and more inspirational. Think of George Patton or something) SIPHER : Yeah, you guys are right, things have been getting pretty rough since the last time we did this. But so what? This is BotCon, and this is the Transformers MSTing, and we're here to make jokes! All these people out here are watching us because they WANT to laugh! They WANT to enjoy themselves! They WANT to see us make fools of ourselves, because that's what we ALWAYS do! Do you want to let ALL THESE PEOPLE down just because things are a little rough out there? HELL NO! We're not here JUST to tell cheap jokes-- DOUG : We're not? SIPHER : --we're here to show everyone that BotCon is about HAVING FUN. It's not about the toys or the comic books or the cartoon, it's about ENJOYING YOURSELVES and spending a GREAT WEEKEND with your friends! PHIL : Yeah! SIPHER : I REFUSE to let the world beat me down! I DARE to laugh in the face of reality! Because if we can't tell cheap jokes and enjoy ourselves, then the terrorists WILL HAVE WON! IS THAT WHAT WE WANT??? (Phil and Doug leap to their feet and pose courageously) PHIL AND DOUG : HELL NO! SIPHER : Are we here to have fun?! PHIL AND DOUG : HELL YEAH! SIPHER : So what do we say to the terrorists out there? PHIL AND DOUG : GET BENT! SIPHER : What do we say to the tax cheats? PHIL AND DOUG : BITE ME! SIPHER : What do we say to the polluters and politicians and scumbags? PHIL AND DOUG : SCREW YOU! SIPHER : And what's the ONLY response to all the crap out there trying to bring us down? (Sipher, Phil, and Doug collectively thumb their noses and blow raspberries) PHIL AND DOUG AND SIPHER : PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! (Hopefully by now everyone is applauding, or laughing, or both. Pause and let things quiet down a bit, then resume...) DOUG : Well, I'm ready to do some jokes now! How about you, Phil? PHIL : Yeah! Let's get crackin'! SIPHER (glances at his watch) : Sorry, guys, we're out of time. Bye everybody! [Roll end credits]
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